New job and I'm struggling

[MrsWimpy]

I started a new job last week and I can't shake the feeling that I've made a huge mistake. My confidence seems to have just disappeared.

I was well respected in my previous job and was very much within my comfort zone. The new job is not really a step up but a different structure. I'm getting £8k more and a decent bonus that should mean over all I am at least £10k up.

In theory this should all be fine but I've had what I can only describe as a bit of a breakdown since starting and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm 51 but so far haven't really had any signs of menopause. Could this be it?

I'm in tears every evening and feel sick constantly. I'm so anxious I'm not eating or sleeping.

Sorry not sure what I'm asking - I just feel desperate and I don't know how to get out of the hole I've dug.

I know it's early days and I have to stick with it. I feel so trapped.

Yes it could be menopause.

Maybe read around the symptoms and talk to your GP?
HRT is first line treatment for mood swings or low mood and anxiety. Would you consider trying it?

I would definitely try it. I have a mirena which is meant to help a bit.

I don't feel like myself at all.

I really empathise with this and am sorry that you're feeling so terrible. I am perimenopausal at 49 and started a new job 18 months ago. Even though I am technically competent I am finding the management aspects very hard and feel like I have been on the verge of a breakdown for some time (the Christmas break came at the right time!). I was on HRT before starting and have increased my dose since starting; it's now as high as I think I can go. The anxiety got very bad six months ago and I started on a low dose of Citalopram. This has helped reduce the butterflies and sense of panic. I have tried to exercise consistently and this has helped me cope with the stress, think a bit more clearly and also improve my mood as I can see an improvement in at least one area of my life! Even so, I'm hoping that it might be possible to change back to a more junior role. I'd definitely speak to your GP about HRT options. I have also heard others suggest that testosterone can help with brain fog but have not taken myself. Wishing you all the best x

That's sounds bad. I'd definitely go to the GP or gynae with that.

@ozmund I'm in my mid-30s and on testosterone. The full dose (1 sachet every 8 days) was too high for me and I'm on just over half of that. I feel it gave me back my personality, my interest in things. I didn't suffer from anxiety though so can't predict how you'll manage on it. Was worth it for me though and don't want to come off it for the foreseeable future.

I read some BMS material that suggested you can increase HRT until your symptoms stop.....so I'd discuss this with your gynae or try to go private with a British Menopause Society member. My friend was also told she'd hit the ceiling with dosing, and she was having terrible depression. She went private and told her that she could increase it, but maybe she's under extra supervision because of that. She's fine now .

I am seriously considering not taking a promotion for this very reason OP. I am just about holding it together in a busy work environment as it is. I feel like it is something I should do and it is expected that I will step up but my inner voice is telling me that the stress and scrutiny on top of peri will just send me over the edge.

It sounds like how I felt when I was in perimenopause op. It’s awful and I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I actually thought I was going crazy at one point. For me the only things that helped were HRT and exercise (weight training). I’m still struggling a bit but I’m way better than I was. I would go to see my GP and see what they can do to help.

I started a new job 18 months ago and being perimenopausal made it so much harder than it should have been. Unfortunately the organisation I work for is a bit of a shitshow - lots of staff have left during the time I’ve been there, all ages, men and women, so I know it’s not just my hormones making it difficult 😭

I reached my limit just before Christmas and handed in my notice. I know the perimenopause has impacted in my self-confidence and the brain fog has been challenging, so I wonder if it would have lasted longer if I hadn’t been battling my hormones, but ultimately there are so many problems within the company it would have been hard regardless.

It’s rubbish though - sympathy to all. I’m fairly settled with HRT now but I feel as though the perimenopause completely wrecked my sense of who I am over the course of the last few years and I’ve had to put myself back together piece by piece.

Empathise completely Op.

Have slept like shit all Christmas due to menopause and really anxious about going back to work today. Honestly, I wish I could dial it back and do something with less mental load because my brain is just not there anymore.

I changed my job at 49 and honestly thought I was going to implode from stress.
I think you need to connect with friends/family you’re familiar with and get some positivity and confidence from them. Then just take each work day as it comes. Plan what you need to do, remind yourself you’re good at your job and make sure you get out in the fresh air a few times a day even if it’s for a few minutes.
Plan your day if you can. Make lists of what you need to do. You probably won’t need these but they might reduce your anxiety.
Try to remember the world is packed with over confident over promoted mediocre men and you’re a fricking goddess
Lists! Text friends! Fresh air! Breathe!!

Try to remember the world is packed with over confident over promoted mediocre men and you’re a fricking goddess

This is what makes it all so frustrating.

Thank you all. I've been back at work this week and although the horrendous anxiety has dialled back a bit, I'm a mess.

I burst in to tears randomly on my teen daughter for nothing at all.

I'm going to try and see the doctor next week.

The frustrating thing is that I know I can do the job - I was head hunted for it and I have all the qualifications but for some reason I just can't see past the end of my nose.

Hope you all get through this.