Any advice or info you can give to someone approaching peri/menopause?

[piddocktrumperiness]

I'd like to equip myself with the knowledge or wisdom of women that went through this stage. I don't have living female relatives to ask. I lost my mother when she was in her early 30's so I don't know what to expect and when. I feel so ignorant and uneducated about it. I am anxious about it all. I have a couple of colleagues who are in the menopause and they have very different experiences; both awful and it's adding to my worry.

I don't know where to start and Google is overwhelming

All I can think of is buy the Davina book and start from there :(

Is it true that:

I'll gain weight? especially around my waist?
I'll snap and cry over random things?
All the exercise I could do won't really help lose weight but instead it's for mental health and increasing bone density?
I'll be tired most of the time?
I won't be able to sleep?
I won't enjoy sex as much?
I'll develop a turkey chin?
I'll need reading glasses soon
I'll forget things easily
My anxiety will worsen
My hair texture will be more dry and coarse?
Skin sags?
If I don't take HRT my symptoms will get worse
If I do take HRT I'll gain more weight and increase the risk of certain cancers?

If you are in peri/menopause what would you tell yourself if you went back in time and spoke to your late 30's self?

So secret

Eat well, lose weight if you’re overweight, move as much as possible, incorporate weights and when it hits… go on HRT

No secret

I think you are over thinking this and getting worked up about things that might not happen. You could be in your 50s before you start experiencing peri symptoms.

Just be as healthy as you can - your risk of getting cancer from HRT is very small compared to the risk from being overweight.

Edited to add: lots of women don't have a horrendous time of menopause, don't base everything on the experiences of 2 women.

I would tell myself that.

• Everyone’s experience is difference. Some sail through it and others don’t and need medical support.
• It’s a part of ageing.
• it’s a time when vitamin and mineral deficiencies may affect you more than they used to. So eat right.
• You may lose your tolerance to alcohol and will feel better for quitting.
• Sugary foods may contribute to your brain fog and you may be surprised by how much better you feel for cutting them out.
• Your joints may start to bother you. Welcome to later life.
• You may notice mood changes around ovulation, after period, before period.
• Your looks will change so accept that. Pick a significantly older actress, tv character or singer (etc) you aspire to be like. I find that seeing the beauty and magnificence of women who are much older than me stops me looking backwards.
• Perimenopause could last a decade. It will have stages. In later parts you may look back at earlier parts and think gosh I had far fewer symptoms back then.

There are a lot of people making a lot of money out of menopause at the moment and they're scaring the shit out of people. It's just another natural life stage. The people who talk about it loudest are the ones who have a bad experience. In my experience (post-meno at 53) new issues arose, but I accepted and dealt with them (and positively embraced a few too!) Life post menopause is different but a whole lot more straightforward than being beholden to hormonal cycles. Be healthy, and take it as it comes.

Everyone had a different experience l

Around 1 in 4 women don't really notice anything

You maximise your chance of being in that group if you are healthy weight , eat well and exercise and have some luck

If you do have symptoms - things like HRT can really help get you back to normal

I am 35 and my friend is 37. We think we are noticing things and have begun to make slight adjustments.

I noticed that I would get a couple of weeks every month where I would wake up in the night feeling like someone had set fire to my skeleton, a heat that radiated from the inside out and the only way I could think to relieve it was to take my skin off (not overly helpful). I started taking ashwagandha and it massively improved. I get the occasional "good lord I'm hot" in the night but nowhere near as bad and not with the same noticeable regularity.

Both of us have noticed our hair texture has changed, it is more course (we are both going grey though so that may contribute) and it swings between drier and greasy, despite having just been washed.

Our skin is less predictable.

We have upped our flexibility, resistance and weight training, just as a preventative measure.

Away from this, my mum didn't take HRT, I'm unsure why. Based on what I saw, I'll be giving HRT a try, I spoke to a dr about it (I can't take hormonal contraceptives so it came up) and the hormone amounts are not comparable etc. I'll do more reading over the next few years but at the minute, I'm leaning towards giving it a crack. I also hear good things about taking low dose testosterone alongside; I've seen it discussed on here many times and women are waxing lyrical about it.

I think you need to just crack on and tackle things as they happen. Be informed and be proactive but don't waste your time dwelling on potential doom; some women sail through it.

Yes all good advice so far. Its inevitable so take it was easy as possible.

I would add -

Cut 500 calories per day, for aging women need less calories - the end. Just do it. I did it via fasting. It was excellent.

Get your head around peri. For years things have been the same. This change to period normality heralds The Change. Shit!!!! But get your head around it.

For me that has meant thinking, so am I old now then? No longer sexy? And the conclusion I came to was - it is a SLOW process, but yes I am getting old - so fucking ENJOY this time to the max, because next year I'll just be older.

Take on the lack of oestrogen as a sign that you don't have to care take everyone and everything anymore. Listen to other people's problems without sorting it all out for them.

And conversely, sort your OWN life out by doing things you want to do and stopping doing things you can't be arsed with anymore. That has been a BIG secret to pre for me - being happy and fulfilled, being brave, if not now when etc. Sorting my behaviour and actions out - if not by the age of fifty, when with I get this under control?? sort of thing.

As well, I got on Menopace asap and it sorted out anxiety.

Magnesium to help with sleep.

Oh one last thing - got sore down below - on and on, day after day - tried all sorts - finally rang Dr and she prescribed me with that oestrogen cream for life now, cheers/great - it DID help - I read up about vaginal deterioration in meno and I thought, 'F THAT - I am not losing my libido and my bits shrinking' and so I bought a little vibrator and have orgasms every day now. I am not losing my sex drive. I had had a dry spell while I split up with someone and put a solid end to that to prevent losing something precious to me. I may feel unsexy some day but that day is not today.

I feel I have lost something I suppose, my youth, a I am just not 30 anymore, or even 40 - BUT I am doing it gracefully and mindfully and want to be the best I can be in all ways still. Using the wisdom of all I have learned.

'Sit and stare, I just want to sit and stare.' My best ever Mumsnet phrase.

TBH I'd park all your worries for another 10 years and then deal with anything you experience as it happens. You are still in your 30s.

Everyone is different and some women do start peri early-ish.
The best you can do is to keep healthy, especially keeping a healthy weight.

Most drs would agree that being overweight exacerbates peri symptoms and also increases the risks of other diseases.

Your joints (knees and hips) will suffer if you are overweight , your periods might be heavier (because fat cells produce estrogen) and your risk of breast cancer would increase.

Just enjoy being young while you can and don't anticipate everything on your list!

"lots of women don't have a horrendous time of menopause, don't base everything on the experiences of 2 women."

I think it's really important to keep this in mind. We hear so much about the inevitable awfulness of "peri" these days and while it's good this has been acknowledged, don't lose sight of the other side of the story, that some women hardly notice the change and get no particular issues. Maybe you will be one of these!

I didn't notice mine. My periods got slower, more infrequent, and then one day I realised I hadn't had one in months. That was it!

Yes op don’t fell in to the renovation of blaming the menopause for everything

feeling ratty? Menopause
craving chocolate? Menopause

i see it over and over again on mumsnet and it’s almost a “get out” for not trying to control your temper or justification for binging on a load of chocolate

OK my own experience was -
Didn't gain weight
Didn't snap and cry (pre-menstrual tension, yes I did, but not peri or menopause)
No, diet is very important and exercise is too.
Nope, tiredness shouldn't happen.
Of course you will sleep, unless you are unlucky enough to get night sweats, then it's different.
I don't see why you wouldn't enjoy sex.
No turkey chin from menopause, I think that's more a hereditary thing.
Forgetfulness, yes, maybe, but you need to keep eating a good diet especially with B12 because that's what helps with memory.
Anxiety - no mine is actually less now
My hair texture is exactly what it always was - 17 years on from meno!
Not necessarily, but I have hypothyroidism which dries skin out, not saggy, just dry!

My mother and grandmother also didn't experience anything out of those symptoms, I do think there are genetic factors involved.

Depends really.

I think getting into a reasonable exercise regime and one that has flexibility in it is a good idea anyway - and weightbearing.

My hair is fabulous.

No turkey neck.

Insomnia, bad moods, anxiety and night sweats all disappeared with HRT.

It's all about balance, really.

Bringing menopause into the media is helpful to an extent, as it used to be a taboo topic only whispered about. 'It's my age, you know'.

On the one hand, younger women appear to be terrified now of menopause and what might happen. They keep trotting out lists of possible issues, as if they all happen.

On the other hand, many women, often older generations, don't put two and two together and recognise that some of their serious post-meno health issues may be caused by loss of estrogen.

What we should be thinking about is keeping healthy into old age, being aware of bone health ( 1:2 women will get osteoporosis) and managing meno symptoms if and when they come along.

Thank you everyone- I feel reassured actually :)
I think you're right in that maintaining health for health's sake is they objective here

Don't believe everything you read.
Don't fall for commercial products that are pushed onto women because "menopause care" is the latest fashion.
Understand that everyone is different, but don't medicalise completely normal life stage.
A bit of benign neglect will do no harm, and means you can have a fuss-free life.

If you are in peri/menopause what would you tell yourself if you went back in time and spoke to your late 30's self?

Don't worry about it. In fact, completely ignore it because it won't be an issue for you. You already have / will have all the info you'll ever need (going back to sex-ed classes in the 1970s, and popular knowledge exposure before and since, no need to seek extra info). Everything that happens you will see & adjust to as part of normal healthy aging, and honestly, almost nothing will happen that is noteworthy. The whole thing will be a non-issue for you.

Although running is good for bone density, so good to get into that, but that's aging issue not menop really. Running is so convenient while travelling, too.

That's my experience, anyway, so far. If I had that time machine.

I like to be informed & am curious about how other people live. So maybe I'd lurk on these threads anyway.

(ditto wrt infertility worries at age 30+, same advice to my 20-something self)

I think that when you enter your 40’s you need to be aware of the symptoms so that you can watch out for them.
If I could go back to my 30’s I’d get to an optimum weight, stick at it, and find an exercise I like to get into, and stick to.
Then once I noticed the symptoms I’d start with supplements. So magnesium and giving up alcohol when my sleep was affected. Vit D in the winter. Vit B complex for feeling tired. A good quality omega 3 for joint pain.

Take on the lack of oestrogen as a sign that you don't have to care take everyone and everything anymore. Listen to other people's problems without sorting it all out for them.

I think this is helpful - peri is often a time that you’re stuck between trying to help elderly parents and managing troublesome kids. Realising that you can’t fix things for other people and they have to take responsibility for their own lives is helpful.

I thought I was sailing through fine (and I was mostly) until anxiety hit, but starting HRT has really helped that. I also like that taking it for just a couple of years will help bone density.

I walk loads, eat well, sleep well and although I am about 10 pounds over where I’d like to be that’s because I eat and drink more than I should (and I know if I really put my mind to it I’d be at my happy weight in a few weeks).

A women's hormones change her whole life. You don't just get them at puberty and they stay the same. They'll change as you age and it wont mean you're menopausal. It's all to make money. For some people the menopause is a relief after a lifetime of debilitating symptoms in their cycle. Not everyone needs HRT and it doesn't work for everyone.
HRT won't stop you needing reading glasses.
Education about this stuff is good but the grifters out there are monetising menopause. Scaring 35 year olds they might be perimenopausal. The vast majority wont be anywhere near it.
I'm over 50 so I'm a prime menopause grifting target. My favourite is the FB ad pushing menopause trousers on me. They have an elasticated waist. I might be more interested in them if they were period trousers to get me through the 4 days before my period when I bloat like a whale.

Ha! I started needing reading glasses at 40. I didn’t hit peri until about 55.

omg, DeclineandFall, can we share notes about the inappropriate social media ads? It's hilarious.

I was curious about the rules of intermittant fasting. I don't want to do it. But I looked long enough once to get the cookies following me around the Internet. Now FBk & Twitter are convinced I'm desperate to lose weight with IF (I'm not). That I'm angstful (not remotely). and yeah ... the clothing & nicknacks. Whatever.

I'm also getting lots ads for Ahsoka. At least that I'd like to see.