Struggling - come and chat to me

[Stroopwaffels]

My menopause has been a rocky road so far. I had a hysterectomy and symptoms fairly soon after but was given repeated prescriptions for antidepressants which didn't work. I have been on patches for almost 2 years. It comes and goes in cycles - I have months of feeling OK, but then get hit with a period of just feeling awful. SO upset and tearful and unable to cope with anything. Every time I get like this my anxiety finds something to hook into - first time it was a leak in the kitchen roof, second time it was health anxiety and I was convinced my liver was seriously damaged, this time my dip has coincided with DD starting uni and moving into halls and I am obsessing over losing her. Even though she's only 45 minutes up the road and is planning on being home lots.

So for anyone else struggling, please share what helps you through it. I am planning on getting out for a walk in the fresh air this morning and I also find that mindfulness apps work to ground me a bit.

At the end of 2021 my son who was in his 30s (!) was finally able to buy his own place and leave home. Anyone would think he was off to fight the Taliban. I was a complete mess. Endless crying. This wasn’t helped by the urinary problems I was having (post menopause). After a lot of research I am now on antidepressants for the low mood (I’m now thrilled to bits he’s got his own place!) and HRT topical cream for the atrophy that was causing my other issues. It’s been a complete turnaround.

I have been so much better since adding HRT to the antidepressants (Zoloft). The physical symptoms of anxiety were my main debilitating symptom of peri.

But I’m having a blip this week. I don’t work in the summer. Work adds structure to my day and meaning to my life (I have other meanings and purpose to my life, but my headspace can’t fight the work one and play it down because it’s so tangible). I’ve spent far too long at a loose end and it’s showing.

Based on a recommendation I saw on another thread I’ve just bought 2 books by Dr. Claire Weekes. They are still downloading. I’m hoping they they will be the perfect complement to Unfuck Yourself, which has the done the heavy lifting of keeping me from dropping off the side of a cliff this summer. Been a bad summer, altogether ridiculously hot and then a (small by American standards, but not by Italian ones) tornado followed by what looked suspiciously like a hurricane. So I can’t go for my normal routine of walking in the woods twice a day. Too many trees have either fallen over and blocked the paths, or are in the process of finishing falling over. It’s too dangerous to go in there. Bad timing with my blip, walking deep in nature tops and tails my day and keeps me as grounded as possible.

I feel like things have stopped working, but I’m resisting the urge to fiddle with my HRT because if it’s just a blip I’ll risk the careful balancing act being all screwed up post blip.

I'm having a blip too. I went on HRT nearly 2 years ago, mainly to deal with emotional symptoms (rage, anxiety, depression) and insomnia. It worked brilliantly for a while then I noticed symptoms creeping back so GP upped dose. All good again. Then same thing happened so dose upped again. I'm now on max dose (100 patches) and I was fine for a long time but this summer it's all gone wrong. Lots of shitty stuff has happened - bereavements, DD mental health issues, house problems, relationship problems - and I feel totally unable to cope. My anxiety is through the roof. When I'm not feeling anxious, I feel flat numb and depressed. I don’t want to increase my dose because I worry about increased cancer risks.
In terms of what helps, getting out and walking is the best thing for me. Preferably somewhere green and calm.
I think eating well would help but I've been off my food and can't muster much enthusiasm for cooking.
I'm thinking that swimming and/or yoga or pilates might be a good idea. I'm going to look into joining a local class.
I'm interested to hear about things that have helped others.

Can I ask if antidepressants create a feeling of emotional numbness, as some users complain? Can you read and take pleasure in creative things if you use them? I am in two minds about starting sertraline atm, my GP wants me too as he is concerned I am depressed. My mother has been on it for twenty years (so much for the 'six months' thing) and gets very nervy when she comes off them. I really don't know what to do.

@WhereAreWeNow sending you lots of solidarity, I feel just the same. Walking does me good too but when it's so hot it's just not pleasureable. I am having huge peaks and troughs in how I am feeling, actually leaving DD at uni yesterday wasn't too bad as she was so excited and happy, and I felt happy for her. And last night I felt much calmer. But I was awake ridiculously early this morning and now feel awful.

Not in HRT or anti D at the moment. Had anxiety at beginning of summer. Post menopausal and 52.

Cut out caffeine and alcohol.
Increased exercise to swimming twice per week and walking in nature everyday
Did CBT
Used Paul McKenna's hypnotherapy for anxiety - that was key for me.
Tried to change me mindset to be more positive.
Cleaned up diet to limit sugar and increased protein.

💐 sorry you're going through this OP

Waking early can be due to high cortisol levels. Normally cortisol gets you going but if you have excessive amounts then you get that horrible anxiety in the morning. It's rubbish OP - I've been there

For me a low dose of sertraline alongside HRT has been the most effective combination. I feel so much calmer and more level. I'm me again, only without a sex drive or much ambition. I'll take that. I enjoy things much more, because I can concentrate and I'm not having difficult thoughts interrupting what I'm doing constantly.

Walking is good too. Time alone in nature.

Interested in the hypnotherapy. I am assuming this is something you have to listen to every day? Happy to give anything a go at this point.

Exercising - getting seriously fit. HIIT, planks, ab work and, especially, exercising with dumbbells. Try Caroline Girvan.

And a thorough overhaul of my diet. Cutting out refined carbs - especially sugar!! - and UPF. Eating lots of plants and protein instead.

Both together have been life-changing, both physically and mentally.

I went very flat on paroxetine when on a lower dose. Once I upped the level, to beyond the minimal I was on, I sort of came back to life.

Until the current “blip” happened, I was perky. Cheerful. Optimistic. All sorts of thing I hadn’t been since 1984.

I think the current blip may in part have been my own fault. I felt so damn good once the hrt gave me the cherry on top I got it in my head that the anti depressants were no longer needed to the same extent. So I lowered my dose. Didn’t go well. So I returned to my normal dose, but decided to split it AM/PM.

I’ve gone back to all of it AM. Time will tell if fucking around with it is the sole cause of the blip. God knows why when things are finally going well I feel the need to start fiddling with things. Evidently feeling perky and optimistic sets off some kind of “this is not normal” alarm in my headspace which then decides I need to be having much less of a good time. 😬

I have never been into exercise and fitness and am definitely not in the place mentally for this sort of thing at the moment.

I found a free McKenna trance but can't find it now. I wound up using the one from his freedom from anxiety book. I just use it as a top up now. Interestingly my GP offered hypnotherapy but said I'd have to pay for it. I didn't take it seriously so declined it. However there must have been something in my subconscious that was making me stressed because it really helped.

@Stroopwaffels Hi- sorry you are suffering.
Have you considered using CBT? This and counselling are supposed to be what GPs offer first, before meds like ADs. There is so much research lately into ADs and there is concern that for many people they don't work (only as a placebo) and other forms of intervention work just as well. (Like CBT, exercise, and diet.)

CBT is about changing your mindset. You can buy self-help books on it, or use online courses (some are free) or find a private practitioner.

For example- rather than focus on the 'loss' of your DD, you'd learn how to focus on the positives for her and you. (Very simplistic example!)
She's only 30 mins away.

Have you considered your dose of HRT? After a full hysterectomy, it could be something as simple as upping the dose. The low dose patches are 25mcgs but you can go as high as 10mcgs.

What are you on now?

Stroopwaffels (great username!). It really helps - it's the endorphins. Don't wait to be in the mood, just do it as Nike says. Diet also helps as serotonin is made in the gut.

I wasn't into exercise - never exercised at all just running around after kids. Now I'm swimming twice per week. Currently enjoying an after swim decaf! The paced breathing also works for me in the swim. Try progressive muscle relaxation too.

I have never been into exercise and fitness and am definitely not in the place mentally for this sort of thing at the moment.

But it is chicken and egg. The less you do, the less you will want to do, and apart from the mental health benefits, you need exercise for heart health.

On the MIND website, there is a lot of info and evidence on the benefits of exercise which can be as effective as ADs.

You can read their advice on their website- start with a gentle 15 minute walk every day, ideally in a 'green space' proven to reduce blood pressure and boost mood.

There are also 'health walks' in many towns, or walks for people with MH issues where you can find a buddy. Worth looking online maybe?

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/nature-and-mental-health/how-nature-benefits-mental-health/

@JinglingSpringbells I am on 75 mcg patches (Estradot) but I currently have a patch and a half on.. I know this isn't recommended but I'm desperate. I don't take any progesterone or any testosterone and not sure if I need to or not.

I really do appreciate all of the suggestions but I am finding them overwhelming too. I am guilty of wanting the instant quick fix and this is not going to happen. I will look into the CBT, keep going with the magnesium and other supplements I am taking (folic acid, high dose Vit D, "woman" multivitamins) and the anxiety hypnotherapy.

Yes I am on board with the walking. We have a lovely green space near here with a loch and ducks and the path round is about a third of a mile I try to go twice round at least, including the walk to and from is about 1.5 miles and 30-40 minutes.

Just not really up for weightlifting and HIT and a vegan diet.

Following with interest as I am maxed out on the HRT already and going slowly insane from the anxiety and depression. Not got on with ADs in the past and doing lots of other things to help, but I’m still mental

Stroppy just do what makes you feel good and what you're comfortable with. I started weights but injured myself so I'm just walking and swimming.

Just take it one step at a time and do try to build in time for yourself.

Vit d might be another thing to think of.

Arghhhhhh - Stroop not stroppy. Apologies OP!!! Ruddy autocorrect.

No you were right, I'm stroppy too.

Well we're all menopausally stroppy in that case! My poor husband says my tolerance for crap has hit rock bottom.

By the way I had the same negative thinking cycles as you and had a touch of health anxiety.

Your dd will be fine at Uni but I understand how you must miss her 💐