Should I go sick?

[Unhappyme]

I’m 51, well into menopause, struggling with lots of issues. Relationship not great, partner going through divorce/financial settlement/custody battle with ex, my own DS living a long way away and struggling with empty nest. Work in emergency services, brutal shift pattern. Averaging around 3 hours sleep a night, even worse on nights! Not been off work in over a year, last sickness was a knee injury. Really struggling. AIBU to phone in sick and ‘reset’ myself, eat good food (currently missing meals left right and centre at work) sleep when I need to, and just, well, reset?

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

Do it. Prioritise yourself for a few days until you feel more at peace.

Thank you both. Constantly feel the pressure of letting people down, just got the mindset of ‘getting on with it’ but struggling with everyday life at the min. Everything feels 100 times worse than it possibly is.

You've probably already thought of this but it may be worth checking if the service you work for has a Menopause Policy, or a menopause specific clause in their general absence policy. They are gaining traction and I'm aware of two major healthcare organisations near me with one. The example I read allows for sick leave that doesn't get counted towards your Bradford Factor Index so absences related to menopause can't lead to disciplinary proceedings, much like pregnancy related illness is a protected category.

Either way it's definitely worth prioritising yourself and I agree that taking time off is worth it.

Thank you. We do have a menopause policy but in all honesty it’s not worth the paper it’s written on. It states common sense things like make sure you get at least 8 hours sleep a night, eat well and take regular breaks! I work 12 plus hours shifts, often don’t get breaks.

I will look into the possibility that menopause symptoms won’t go on my sick record. I’ve got nearly 30 years service do feel as though, like I’ve said, I need to reset!

Can't you just reset on your days off, or book some AL? I don't think taking sick leave unless you are sick will help unless your gp has diagnosed depression or whatever but things such as a poor relationship, empty nest, poor sleep etc isn't actually anything to be off sick about. Think about your colleagues picking up the slack.

Just start the reset now, stop any alcohol or caffeine to promote good sleep. Regardless of what shift you've worked go on a brisk 45min walk. Physical activity really does aid sleep. Eat well, are you overweight? if so focus on joining a club to aid weight loss.

The thing is taking a week or 2 (or more off if you're thinking of the generous 6 months full pay the nhs offers) won't change anything the menopause doesn't stop when the sick note ends. You have to develop strategies at coping, or change roles? Ask for a desk job if you're really sure mh is a problem and not just life in general. As you say at 51 you've got a few more years before you retire. Good luck.

If your meno symptoms are meaning you are struggling at work, are you willing to consider HRT?

I have just done exactly this. I work in a similar setting to you and its full-on non-stop all day. I suffer with anxiety last time I was sick was 3 years ago I was having panic attacks in the road and I do not want to be in that situation again.

Menopause symptoms have been ramping up, combined with a catalogue of low level events at home (minor car crash, uti, kids not well, elderly parents being needy) all i can usually shrug off but have just left me feeling totally overwhelmed.

None of the events alone would be enough to make me go off sick but I went to work last Monday and by lunch time I just wanted to lock myself in a cupboard and cry- very very unlike me.

I rang my manager (we are not based in the same office) and said I was going sick as I needed to reset- this is more than needing annual leave as I have that booked next week already and I really wouldn't have made it to then.

I appreciate not everyone is in a position to do this due to sick leave pay however the job I do means if I'm not well- physically or mentally and I muck up then vulnerable people's lives are at stake. I also take a huge amount of abuse from the public which isn't acceptable but happens regularly, I experience trauma from some of the situations I deal with. Therefore if I need a week or 2 sick leave to make myself well and able to deal with that then i will take it. If I had an infection and needed time to recover you wouldn't be told to take holiday so why is healing your mental health different?

I also sleep badly hence the late post! I can only dream of 8hrs sleep a night!!