Life stresses + peri + chronic health issues = one way ticket to a breakdown. How to cope?

[Partiallyclosed]

Just this really - how do you cope with all the shit which comes your way at this age without crumbling into a great big worn out heap?

I turned 50 earlier this year and although things have been slowly building up over the last few years I can honestly say that the last 6 months have started to feel like I’ve purchased a one way ticket to insanity!

I have had anxiety and IBS for decades but the last few years these two things have become so much worse and literally unbearable over the last few months. Add in many other peri symptoms and I can honestly say that I feel like absolute shit all day, every day - day in, day out.

Not helped that I have had 6 years of relentless school anxiety with my (now) almlost 18 year old ds and thankfully, he is now doing an apprenticeship and driving and he seems so much more settled and happy but now my 15 year old dd is struggling at school and is awaiting an adhd assessment (which is this week 🤞). I also have a rescue dog who I adore but is such, such hard work. And then we have my parents, urgh my parents! They live around the corner and are such a huge worry to me. 80 and 81, dad in good health but mum has many health issues and Alzheimer’s. Dad relies on me far to much and I’m round most days helping all I can. (I already have a thread running on that so won’t bore you with the details but needless to say my parents are a huge source of anxiety and worry to me).
And to add insult to injury, I was made redundant a few weeks ago so on top of all my other stresses and feeling physically and mentally shot to pieces, I now have to find a job whilst putting on a mask to potential employers, pretending that I am strong, happy and capable which are all the things I most definitely am NOT these days.
I have tried various antidepressants as that seems to be the only meds the GPs I seen have been pushing and pushing on me these last few years. They make me feel crap because they make my already awful gut issues so much worse.

Last year, I asked for hrt only for the GP to tell me there was too much of a breast cancer risk with hrt (even though I have no family history, have a low bmi and don’t smoke/drink), that scared me so I didn’t push it.

Last week, because I feel so absolutely wretched. I went to a different GP. She agreed hrt may help me but when I asked for body identical hrt ie Utrogestan/oestrogen gel etc she said that wasn’t a good idea as the progestogen pill has been shown to cause blood clots (I have no personal or family history of blood clots) so she prescribed me patches. I don’t want these, I’ve done my research and I wanted body identical. I just don’t know what to do now.

My situation isn’t unique, I know. So many of us are in the sandwich generation, stuck between looking after ailing parents and younger children/teens as well as trying to keep jobs, relationships, households etc.

How the hell do we keep our plates spinning in the air alongside peri symptoms and other health issues without going completely insane? I can say with hand on heart that I am absolutely hating this stage of my life.

I feel your pain I seem to have one thing after another with children, relatives, work, money it's endless.

One thing I have noticed is that if I don't take my pill I spiral and my mental health is terrible, anxiety attacks and feeling unable to cope. I now understand the pill is helping me with being peri menopausal.

So I guess I'm saying try any hormone treatment you can and you might have to keep trying to find the right one.

I am also not taking any shit right now and saying no to stuff I don't want to do, I highly recommend this!

Bigpaintinglittlepainting just awful isn’t it? I am trying some way of getting the body identical hrt which is what I really want to try. I am sure my hormones are making everything much harder to cope with. Sadly, I can’t take the combined pill as I suffer from aura migraines but I will try and push for the hrt, somehow. And I agree with you on the word No, I have got to start using it a lot more than I currently am, I can only take on so much right now. So hard when I have always been a yes kind of person!

@Partiallyclosed , I really feel for you , I turn 50 next week . I’m having a miserable perimenopause, and I’ve got two teenagers with autism. My partner also suffers with depression, I feel totally overwhelmed at the moment.

Keep pushing for the HRT. I can't advise on type as I only started Everol Conti a week ago myself.

Much empathy for you. I'm also feeling overwhelmed at the moment, everything piling on, and going wrong, and increasing the stress levels.
I'm going to ask about antidepressants (which I believe can be taken with HRT) if it doesn't help with my anxiety, though the GP thinks HRT might help there.

Toomanysquishmallows I am so sorry you are suffering too, it’s such a crappy time isn’t it? I honestly don’t know how we all do it and get through it.
frannytree I really hope the hrt helps you, I have read so many times that it helps with the anxiety levels, so fingers crossed for you, good luck.

I've managed to make a few changes which have helped. I take vitamin D religiously every day (the spray so medium high dose) which has helped joint pains and fatigue and also mood. I got fed up with my IBS getting worse and cut out dairy (replaced some of it with lactose free) and that has really helped .

Re the body identical hrt, the uterogestan (even when used vaginally) made me feel dizzy and sea sick so I couldn't drive or work at the computer! So now i have a progesterone pill. What im saying is it takes a bit of trial and error with hrt so you could start on the patch and change if no good?

Please try the patches, you may find that they make a huge difference to how you feel. If they don't work for you you then have more weight to push for what you want.

I've tried patches, pills & currently gel + pills it may take some adjustments to find out what works for you.

I feel like I'm holding on by a thread; mother terminally ill, precious pets on their last legs, DC will mh issues & relationship drama. IBS + anxiety. So I know where you're coming from!

AceofPentacles I do take vitamin d and haven’t touched dairy for 18 years, I have also cut out many other trigger foods but sadly am still struggling with these gut issues. I will try the patches as I have read quite a few accounts of women saying the Utrogestan making them feel a bit off. I suppose I was just worried as I’d read the patches had a slightly higher risk of bc than the Utrogestan and I’m terrified of that but in all honesty I’m feeling pretty awful right now so I really need to try something.

MothershipG thank you, I really should try them. I’m sorry you are going through similar life issues. I feel your pain. There seems to have been so many losses in my life recently and I lost my dog, my best friend last summer and still can’t get over it, friends don’t understand but he was such a great companion. Losing him hasn’t helped with all of this either, pets help us through these dark times don’t they? Luckily I do have a rescue now and I adore him but he’s as mad as a box of frogs lol.

Utrogestan was hellish for me, so I wouldn’t count on that solving anything. Definitely try the patches. HRT was a lot of trial and error for me.

Thanks LegendsBeyond I suppose I need to be more flexible in my approach to hrt.

The oestrogen in the patch is body identical and, while the progesterone isn't, it is usually well tolerated as it is going through the skin. Many women tolerate it better than the oral Utrogestan so I'd give it a go if I were you.
I don't want to sound negative but bear in mind that HRT will only help symptoms that are caused by low hormones. It is surprising how many symptoms can be caused by stress and those, obviously, won't respond to it

I’ve got a lot of crap going on at the moment. My dad died unexpectedly a few months ago, a grandparent died a slow and dreadful death in hospital recently, my DS has mental health problems, my dog has dementia so wanders around at all hours and my mum has just been diagnosed with Parkinson’s.

But I’ve just swapped to Evorel Conti patches from Utrogestan and gel and to be honest feel a lot better on them despite all this. Still not getting a decent night’s sleep but my mood is better and I feel l more able to cope. The Utrogestan made me feel bloody awful, didn’t realise quite how bad until I stopped taking it.

The oestrogen in the patch is body identical and, while the progesterone isn't, it is usually well tolerated as it is going through the skin.

It's the other way round.

Utrogestan= micronised progesterone and is body identical.

Norethisterone (in patches and many tablet forms of HRT) is synthetic.

I think most women have some negative reaction to most progestogens. But the 'deal 'is to find the one that is least negative and that is indivudual.

I was on Norethisterone tablets for years (along with gel) and found they gave me PMS and a 'PMS spot' like acne each cycle.

I swapped to Utrogestan many years ago. It's far from perfect but using to vaginally on a cycle is ok. It's not perfect- it makes me very hot at night and there is some irritation after a few days (so I just swap to using it orally for a couple of days.)

Worth bearing in mind that NICE guidance allows long-cycle HRT in women who find all/ most progestogen has nasty side effects. This means it's used for 14 days only in 12 weeks (or fewer than 12 weeks but more than 4.)

GPs aren't too familiar with this and you may need to point them in the direction of the NICE prescribing guidance.

Just a message of support and empathy.

Also hating this stage of life with a passion. I'm juggling 4 different medical conditions, teens, job, pets along with the shiteness of menopause and feel like utter shite most weekends. Then come Monday morning, I'm expected to look happy and enthusiastic ready for the week ahead!!

Hugs Op x

I asked for hrt only for the GP to tell me there was too much of a breast cancer risk with hrt

Well, this is nonsense, so I'm glad you are following up with another GP.

Regarding the patches + bio identical progesterone, I couldn't tolerate Utrogestan at all, so changed to Duphaston (synthetic - dydrogesterone) and have had no side effects at all. (You can't get this in the UK so Jinglings advice is very good here). The main point is the trial & error aspect of HRT - so definitely proceed for now & see how you go.

I really empathise with your wider situation; I've been there / am there, with different issues.

I would say to you that HRT won't solve any of the life crises, but allows to at least function & deal with them. It transformed my life, even tho the other problematic & serious issues remain.

QueenOfHiraeth that’s my concern, I’m no longer sure what are potential peri symptoms and what is the stress from my day to day life issues? I suppose the only way I will know if hrt can help me is to try it.
Iheartmysmart sorry for your losses, that’s a lot to deal with in one go. I am hoping the hrt can help with the anxiety, I feel I could cope with a lot more if I didn’t have this overwhelming, all consuming anxiety every minute of the day.
JinglingSpringbells do you find the utrogestan ok on your digestive system? I’ve read that many women say it makes them very bloated, nauseous and effects their gut, even women without IBS.
Thank you Runaround50, it’s just crappy isn’t it? I hope you manage to find some relief from all of this soon too x
EarringsandLipstick thank you. That’s really what I am hoping for from hrt, a small crutch to help me cope with this stage of my life, I’m not going to be too optimistic, just in case, but any slight relief from this god awful anxiety and overwhelm would be most welcome right now.