Can't be arsed with small talk

[Runaround50]

I've never been one for small talk. If I've nothing to say, I say nothing. But I work in an environment where people just talk the small shit continually and it's doing my head in. Talking for the sake of talking, about their kids mainly!

I'm mentally exhausted right now, just trying to keep my head above water with all this hormonal shite. I don't want to bloody hear about school fetes, what's for tea tomorrow etc etc. I can never get a word in bloody edgeways anyway!!!

Grrrh....

I was always the opposite. I could win an Olympic gold medal for small talk. I was the person sent in to get a conversation going. NOW I have no patience at all. If I spent half as much time exercising as I do rolling my eyes I'd be skinny. I have no interest or no patience for people's yabbering. I don't want to know what you had for breakfast, dinner or supper. No your children are not the funniest, the brightest, the most beautiful. I don't know a dandelion from a daisy, I'm not interested in your garden. I couldn't care less about what you watched on telly last night. FFS just shut up. Do what you are meant to be doing quietly. As you can see I'm such a joy to live with. So OP you are not alone

Talking for the sake of talking

It’s more than that, though, isn’t it? Communication has all sorts of purposes.

If you don’t want to participate, that’s your prerogative. But it’s facile to label it as “small shit”.

We live in communities. With that comes communication. If you don’t want to participate, don’t work where there are people and don’t ever expect others to do a thing for you. You sound unpleasant and ungrateful.

I can understand your perspectives

I feel similar at times. Even the little personal stories on quiz shows like Pointless piss me off 😂 just answer the questions.

@Nutsabouttopic Yes thats me too!
I used to love chatting, but now, as menopause has hit, I feel my patience is waning. Probably because it's nearing the end of the school year and I'm exhausted. Also trying to get hrt right and lack of sleep isn't helping. Thanks.

@FluffyFlannery ungrateful ? Unpleasant? Really?? Can't even be bothered to reply to your inaccurate and frankly judgemental comments.

Oh my god - this is a symptom?

DH recently told me that I have started just looking blankly then ignoring completely when I can’t be bothered to engage… I guess I lost my ‘polite small talk’ setting…

@BabyStopCryin yes you may have. I definitely have!

So glad I was able to retire. The utter shite I had to listen to at work was off the scale. Boasting, bragging, how much everything cost. (Don’t know why they worked cos had clearly won the lottery 🤣) Puerile nonsense about reality tv. My house is bigger than your house. On and on and on. Honestly don’t know how I survived it all so I’m with you OP

@Runaround50 I've definitely lost my small talk setting and it wasn't that great to start with! I crave silence. I also can't be a sounding board for other people's issues at the moment.

This is me, although I'm not sure it's a menopause symptom.
I just have no interest whatsoever in other people's affairs. It goes straight in one ear and out the other and I never remember anything anyone tells me.
Fortunately my DH is super sociable so I can hide behind him.

It must depend where you work. Many people don't work where small talk is possible except over a lunchtime and then they chat is often work- based.

Just smile sweetly and don't bother engaging?

@JinglingSpringbells yes I am inclined to just smile and crack on with my work now.

It's a setting where there are a few staff who just seem to have time to chat and chat. I don't have that time and when they are chatting at me, I switch off.

Timely post for me. I'm not sure what is happening but definitely in the depths of peri-menopause. Have retired early but plan to start a small business - it is the human element of it that is putting me off!

Admittedly, I experience anxiety - even getting treatment for this (via the NHS) is a battle and I think how awful human beings can be, we don't really take much care of each other. I hear stories of office politics/unsupportive work environments and consider how like animals we really are. I am being more drawn to animals and the natural world as I get older. Humans just seem too complicated. Yet we need each other/are social beings and I worry about becoming too isolated and can really enjoy a good chat when this happens. Hate the feeling of not really connecting and have dropped out of a social group because of the small talk/superficialness of it.

The fact that people want to make money out of wellbeing type groups frustrates me too (yes I know people need to make money etc) but we don't put enough empasis on support groups or time for others because of the drive to make money. Regeneration in cities consists of making money, not creating lovely co-sharing spaces.

I'm also in a strange space. Early 50's - too young to fit easily into the retirement group. Attended something recently and it consisted of young people only (very obvious). It feels like an odd space to occupy (fortunate to have got here I know).

I have dc, still at home for a while but I look around me at how many grown up children just don't bother much with their parents/emigrate or move back to acquire childcare services (even when an older parent is ill and should be the one being taken care of). Not nice behaviours. It feels like the blinkers have come off.

I feel jaded having met throughout life a lot of broken/not very nice people including (most) family members as a child.

Watching this thread with interest. Sorry, I realise this is more than just don't like small talk.

Not sure if it's a menopause thing or just a getting older thing. Some people, definitely not all, but definitely me just get to a stage where you've heard all the same small talk a million times, seen the same crappy telly shows, done the same monthly sodding appraisals month in month out, been to the same old Christmas work dos and seen the same old people get drunk. You just realise that if you keep on with it next year will be the same as the last.

You've just had a belly full of it and want to escape to something new that suits the person you've become.

I'm kind of fed up hearing the menopause is to blame for everything. I'm getting older and less patient. Its not the menopauses fault im 56 and cant be arsed. Its years and years of being at everyone's beck and call. Its not rocket science.
So yes op, i agree. Small talk can do one.

It is mostly the menopause for most people. Your oxytocin drops along with your estrogen and that's the social bonding hormone.

I suspect I never had much of that to start with. I never did ‘get’ humans anyway. Much better with animals and plants!

@ssd yes you are right, the patience is waning and the impatience creeping in!

Suppose it's a combination of having a mentally tiring job ( yes I'm well aware I can look for alternative employment) having two teens at home, my own hormones ( or lack of them) and just life in general.

Oh well, inwards and upwards. Less than 4 weeks until I break up for summer!