No Libido

[menopausegal]

I'm 54 and going through the menopause. I'm on HRT and symptoms I have had are getting easier to manage. I no longer have hot flushes and I'm sleeping better.

I am single but I don't seem to have any libido. I'm on a couple of dating sites but I'm wondering what the point is and if I'll get my libido back. I was wondering if any of you are in the same boat and if testosterone or anything helped.

Yeah I’m the same. Have always had a high sex drive but now I couldn’t give a shit about it. The most handsome man can walk past me and I don’t even look up. Is freeing but as im in a relationship, not great. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I do have testosterone but have been too frightened to take it.

I was like this.

Started testosterone gel. Took a few months to take effect but it's doing it's stuff now.

Very happy to be back to normal sex drive. It's wonderful actually.

I can recommend it. I've had no side effects that I know of.

I get mine through GP on NHS after the menopause clinic dr prescribed it.

I’d be asking for testosterone. It’s in the NICE guidelines under altered sexual function.

Testosterone is a magical thing in my experience

I alsi take testosterone, 2/8th of a sachet of testogel a day, plus 2/3 pumps of oestrogel & continious utrogestan, im 50yrs, no libido whatsoever, been on it 12 weeks, although it has made me feel more normal 😁& more energy

1/8th of a sachet *

Watching with great interest. All my other symptoms are manageable but you could put a dunked mr darcy in front of me and I'd just offer him a towel. Bit worried about starting full hrt for one symptom, but I am married and I really wish we could get back to how things were.

Testosterone worked wonders for me, but your oestrogen needs to be high enough for it to work (or your body converts the testosterone into oestrogen). So it’s worth investigating. I do wonder if those it hasn’t worked for are actually on enough oestrogen.

@RudsyFarmer what is putting you off? I’ve had no side effects other than a very satisfactory sex life.

I was told to increase my estrogen, it made me feel fuzzy & disorientated . Went back to my usual dose plus testosterone and was fine apart from the lack of libido, which was the reason i went on the testosterone in the 1st place.
Don't know whether to increase the Oestrogel by half a pump at time or increase testosterone.

What’s putting me off is a few things. The lady doctor who was an HRT specialist left the surgery and my care got taken over by the hospital. Apparently I need my levels checked periodically and this telephone consult has been made and cancelled so many times I have no faith in it. So I’m scared to take it wrongly and there’s basically no one to ask.

Im scared of growing a full beard

I’m scared of getting so horny I’ll cheat. I know it sounds ridiculous but my partner has a long term health condition that means it can’t be a Duracell bunny in the bedroom. If I start to get my itch back I’m concerned I’m going to feel dissatisfied and get my head turned. I know I sound ridiculous as I should be able to trust myself but I do still get male attention and I’m just worried I’ll get too flattered by it and my mind might wander.

@RudsyFarmer - same here. A single Tom Ellis lookalike could be interested in me and I'd probably just want to have a cup of tea and a chat with him.

No beard here. No bulging biceps or anger issues. No chasing trucks full of scaffolders down the road either.

It's subtle, and I just feel more normal as someone else has said. It's also had the unexpected effect of restoring my ability to drive confidently, which had really taken a hit, I feel mentally sharper, more able to tackle a long to do list without feeling overwhelmed, I just feel less "old" and my get up and go is back. The days just feel easier. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'll ever feel 30 again, but I definitely feel good. I see a private specialist, I'm on a decent whack of Oestrogen too and have the Mirena coil, and feel incomparable to the stiff achey teary resigned brainfogged me of a couple of years ago. I'd be very reticent to go back.

Thanks for all your comments! Good to know testosterone works for some

I’m falling out with my husband as I’m managing my menopause symptoms fine but have no wish for an intimate relationship anymore and he wants me to go on HRT to help but I don’t think I should just so that he can have sex. Am I being unreasonable or is he?

@menopause1 i dont think you are being unreasonable, especially if youre managing your symptoms, why would you take hrt!
Im on it, and testosterone, hasnt helped my libido 🤷🏻‍♀️

Menopause1 if you previously had a decent sexual relationship with your H, then it's understandable that he should feel a bit unhappy if it's now stopped. It's also understandable that he may feel unhappy if he thinks you are not willing to try to sort it out. Just as a woman in the same situation with a male partner who suddenly didn't want sex and refused to look into help or treatment might also feel unhappy about it. Are you prepared for your relationship to end because of this?

I took testosterone and it made no difference to my libido or anything else. No side effects either. Blood tests now show the levels are much too high so my gp has told me to reduce my dose significantly. Even on this too high dose I had no effects - good or bad.
Interesting the PP who said it could be because the oestrogen is too low so the testosterone is converted.

My GP recommended Mind The Gap, which talks about how female libido doesn’t work the way we think, and there’s actually nothing wrong with us if our desire diminishes and it isn’t due to a hormone deficiency.
However, anecdotally, lots of people say testosterone fixed them, so that would contradict the book.

It's really interesting how HRT is being discussed in the media & the interpretations we are taking from that. Testosterone is more abundant in females than Oestrogen or Progesterone prior to the perimenopause, and yet there is such a reluctance to prescribe it by clinicians & as women, we have become understandably cautious about taking it.
As a PP said, our Oestrogen levels need to be optimised in order for Testosterone to work effectively, otherwise T will be converted to Oestrogen. Testosterone doesn't work for everyone & unfortunately it's not like turning on the light switch where we suddenly get our libido back, but I do think its worth giving T a good 6-12 months to work & to get the levels right. Lots of women report other benefits like mental clarity & better concentration with T.
The whole HRT/hormone debate bothers me in that we don't think twice about giving our young female teens the contraceptive pill when their hormones are at their peak, & yet as we're doing it to prevent a pregnancy, we can turn a blind eye to the high circulating hormones then. As women in their 40s & 50s start to experience the sometimes devastating effects of losing their natural hormones, we often have to argue our case for having HRT (which does include all 3 hormones - Testosterone isn't just for the men). HRT has many protective health benefits (reduced heart disease/dementia/diabetes/osteoporosis) & if we were to look at the emotional/mental health effects of the menopause, its absolutely ridiculous that we are not replacing these hormones. Divorce & suicide rates all peak for women at this age & stage, and many report leaving really good jobs because the menopause has made them lose their confidence.

I also find it incredible that some Drs suggest we take HRT just to get us through the menopause & they want to stop the hormones after 5 years. We would never do this with any other hormones that we replace (thyroxine for the thyroid or insulin for type 1 diabetes), so why is it OK for women to be short changed again?
Anyway, apologises for the rant, I just think we are being massively short changed when it comes to HRT.
Just coming back to Testosterone & libido, I do think it's worth a try & I do second having a read of the book by Dr Karen Gurney - Mind the Gap. She describes libido so well, & talks about sexual currency where we keep the libido alive by having/maintaining frequent intimate connections with our partners & this isn't about just sex, it includes touch, hugs, kissing etc.