So emotional all the time, can’t stop crying

[Daffodilsonthewindowsill]

Amongst so many other peri issues, one thing I am greatly struggling with atm are my emotions.
I have literally become a sobbing wreck.
I am drawn to sad things on SM, I know that I should back away from it all and stop looking but I just seem to be drawn to such total melancholy, I don’t like it and obviously hate feeling this way but it’s like some kind of drug induced state of mind, I naturally gravitate towards all the suffering in the world.
For example, I have been following a young lad on SM, he has battled cancer all his life and now, at 16 is coming to the end of his battle. I check in all the time and every day I bawl my eyes out for him. Obviously, no one would not find this heart wrenching but somehow I have ended up in such a place where I am been drawn to all this sadness. I just can not stop myself.
I have my own life sadness with caring for my mum who has Alzheimer’s and a chronic health issue and although I have several peri symptoms it’s this overwhelming, all consuming anxiety, depression and sadness which has just enveloped my whole life right now, so much so that I can not seem to see any joy in life, in any corner of it.
I am not on HRT (too scared, yes I know that’s my mind talking shit) or antidepressants (scared of those too due to previous side effects!) but I obviously do not want to or can not carry on living with such a huge grey cloud over me.
None of this has helped by the fact I turned to my GP last year, explained just how miserable I was, to the point where I had very dark thoughts. I tentatively asked about HRT but she almost seemed angry that I had asked, printed off a leaflet explaining the risks of breast cancer and just kept pushing Citalopram (even though she was aware these upset my gut badly).
At 50, she didn’t seem that convinced I might be in perimenopause, even though I have presented with these, and other issues, since the age of 45.
This GP has left on maternity leave now but the other GP I have no faith in (diagnosed MIL with IBS when she actually had bowel cancer). I’ve looked on their website and they don’t appear to have a menopause specialist GP or nurse either. I live in a continuously built up area and none of the other surgeries are taking on new patients.
Who do I turn to?

I feel for you. I'm exactly the same.
I'm 47 and been in this perimenopausal mess for 3 years (although it's more recently that I've become so tearful.
I get so lost in my thoughts that I don't even realise I have tears streaming down my face.

My GP won't let me have HRT either, but for me it is due to my hemiplegic migraines and there being a slight increased risk of stroke due to that.

I have started counselling as I feel so incredibly low.
I'm grieving too, but I know the hormones are having a huge impact on how I'm feeling in general.

Part of me will be glad when my periods end, but another part of me cries for that end of an era (if you can call it that). Just the transition from being young and fertile to whatever the next stage has in store I guess.

Sorry I'm not much help, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I'm feeling it too. 💕

Thank you misspollycat, I’m sorry you are feeling the same and sorry too that you are grieving. This really does seem the worse time of our lives for so much to hit at once. I never thought about HRT and the migraine risk, I suffer from aura migraines and have stroke risk. I was never allowed to take the combined pill as a result, I never considered HRT could be a risk too, I will have to find out about that. I hope the counselling helps you. I am on the waiting list to have counselling also, so fingers crossed for the bother of us.