Perimenopause. Depression. No Hormones please.

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Hi.
I'm 48, sandwich generation, youngest is 11 oldest 20 and i'm minding my mother with dementia and trying to share that with a selfish and immature sister. Hisband works away from home.

I had the implant until two months ago since then been on mini pill. All going ok in that respect. no periods but that's normal for me on mini pill.

For the last week i've been really low and struggling with my relationship with my mother. Been crying loads (in private) feeling i spend my whole life doing things for other people and putting my needs last. I know it's selfish but i'm trying to deal with those feelings myself.

In the meantime. What can I do to help shake this low mood please. I don't want anti depressants and i don't want HRT. Is there something natural I could try?
Please send all suggestions.

Why don't you want to use HRT?

Well there’s no suggestion from her post that the OP has any menopausal symptoms.

I would recommend counselling, St John’s Wort, optimising nutrition and fresh air and exercise if you don’t want to try antidepressants.

I use hrt - I wouldn't consider life without it. Our brains are used to oestrogen. It's suddenly dropped. It's hard for our brains to adjust. It affects our mood and cognition (all controlled by the brain.) It's not a failure to use HRT to ease the transition. I don't want osteoporosis either. I think research is increasingly showing it protects the brain. Hrt isn't a cure all for everyone. I have always had pmt.

Whilst I was waiting for hrt to kick in I had anxiety and mood swings. I found no alcohol at all and exercise every day helps. I have NO time. Run business, 2 young kids, husband works away and does not help in the house. I do a zoom class at 7am - I do HIIT workouts on YouTube - it literally needs no equipment and takes 20-30 mins - there are low impact ones. There are millions of videos on YouTube of other work outs. The exercise will give you a shot of happy hormones and help with good sleep.

I've read reducing sugar can help but fuck that. I need chocolate 🤣 So there are ways to do it, but you'll have to really stick to it for a week to see if it works.

I tried herbal remedies like sage - they did work but I really paid for it with horrendous pmt. I'd rather use something regulated and tested and monitored than something Ive bought on Amazon. I chose both hrt and lifestyle changes. Hope you find something to help xx

A bit left field but would you consider wild/open water swimming? Lots of women I swim with are dealing with similar, it’s a great community and the benefits of cold water are proven to help with mental health issues. Carving out a bit of time for yourself helps immensely too.
There will be Facebook groups of swimmers near you. Tag along with them. It works wonders.

I tried open water swimming - it is in fact nature's HRT!!!! BUT I think it depends where you live: the sea salt kills bugs. I got ill from our local rivers.......I make myself go in the sea whenever we are at the seaside. The benefits last for days. But local rivers can be contaminated.

I'm sorry for late reply I was out

I have some peri symptoms. Anxiety mood swings. various aches and pains. pins and needles in right arm and hand. Bloating. memory issues. Feeling like i'm going absolutely mad.

I suppose I didn't want to go straight to HRT because i'm only 48 and was saving it for later when i had tried everything else.

As for cold water swimming, i live in a popular sea swimming area but I can't swim.

HRT is pretty 'natural'. These days, for most women in the UK, it's made from plants, mainly yams, body identical to what you yourself produce.

You can try other things, of course, but in the experience of many of us, nothing else works quite as well as HRT.

OK. Maybe I need to bite the bullet then.

Will it help my head? Like i feel like i'm going mad. I'm offended by shore that doesn't normally bother me. I'm the mentally strong one and I feel like my world is collapsing round me for no reason.

Not to minimise the impact of peri, but
it's also no surprise that you are feeling upset and tearful about having so many people relying on you and feeling fed up of putting everyone else's needs first - it's upsetting! And it's just not sustainable, nobody can do that forever without buckling. I'd encourage you to get some counselling as well as anything you do about peri, you deserve having someone who will really listen to you and support you. Good luck

@Pamspeople thank you x

Walking in nature, yoga, meditation, being very kind to myself, taking days off work

am 50 and on Mirena, and dealing with a lot of crap, it’s not hormones, it’s life! Anyway, these things help me a bit

Don't know if you're in contact with your local carers support group but that might be helpful, caring for your mum with a selfish sibling must be absolutely exhausting emotionally

Just for simple, small ideas - I’ve felt a lot better recently building a daily habit of spending half an hour outside somewhere nice first thing in the morning (in my case, park after the school run.) It gives me thinking time and time to just be me in the middle of everything else, and I’m pretty sure the sunlight and being in nature helps too.
Hope things get easier for you soon.

These things seem to work very well for to help with depression (any mix of having them regularly in your life can help)

Good sleep hygiene
counselling
social contact, good relationships (friends & family)
talking about your problems, get them out of your head
Regular exercise
financial security
mindfulness

You're under a massive amount of strain op. You must be grieving the loss of your mother, even before it happens because the dementia. To not have any physical or mental symptoms because of what's happening in your life at the moment would be crazy!

Are you getting all the simple things - enough sleep in a dark room with no screens, good food, a little time off every so often? Begin there, do what you can. Aim for a 1% improvement in what you're already doing - tiny shifts rather than big changes.

If you don't want to take anything, start with therapy. If you can't afford therapy, call the Samaritans, even just to have a 10 minute rant about what's been going on that day to get it out of your system and have another human being listen to you and acknowledge how hard your situation is right now.

I had a perfect storm of menopause, one parent dying, one becoming very ill and my career collapsing. Two children in their early twenties facing big career challenges and needing moral suppoet.

I think HRT helped keep me together. It couldn’t solve the problems but I could see a way through. And just being able to sleep again was a very good start.