Dealing with anger

[UsernameNotAvailableNow]

I'm relatively new to the peri game and still learning. I'm 40, big job, young kids, supportive DH etc. Very fortunate. Think my peri started 2 years ago but really ramped up 6mo ago. Started on microdose HRT 25mg evorel and now at 50mg. Probably need more. Coil for progesterone.

Lots of the physical stuff I can cope with. I eat for my gut, lift weights, no alcohol,one caffeinated drink a day. But the anger and rage OMG. Cannot cope.

I am permanently FUMING. Never understood the phrase "sick with anger" until recently. I wake up like that now.

It's impacting all spheres of my life. I'm annoyed at friends for no good reason, have put more staff on disciplinary than at any other point in my life (this one is justifiable tbf) and I'm struggling to be around people generally. I hate everyone (except the kids).

I'm really struggling with this one. I'm seeing my GP this week but I think she will want to keep me at 50mg for another month and I'm worried I might actually murder someone.

How have others managed it without resorting to violence, divorce or getting the sack?

Fuming with you lot now for not responding

Bumping for you op
Soo sorry you feel this way - I woke up this morning and for the first time have realised that I might be peri-menopausal. No advise sorry as I'm here to follow but I could have literally written your post I'm soo scared

Why do you think she will want you to stay on the same dose? I went back after two months and GP put me straight onto 75 when I told her my symptoms had come back.

Tell her you still have symptoms and you want to try increasing the dose.

Dont ask, just explain why you think you should in a nice way. She might surprise you!

Also sorry you feel this way. I didn't have anger before I started HRT I certainly did once I started taking progesterone. I now use it vaginally and the rage has gone.

Following, as the rage is difficult. I sympathise, OP. At certain times of the month it’s absolutely instant, with no scope for pausing and employing any cognitive strategies.

Which hormone is it that is needed to treat this?

That sounds so difficult OP :(

I hope the GP adjust your meds. Another thing I find helps with anger is having an outlet for it. You lift weights - do you ever find that helps - exerting yourself physically and tiring yourself out?

A friend of mine use to go for 'angry walks' to burn off some steam - kind of funny but it worked!

Also I'm sure you'll hear it from others but counselling can be a good outlet too. You can express your rage and frustration in a safe space where you will not be hurting anyone.

And finally, forgive yourself. It's not your fault that you feel this way - it's bloody stupid hormones!

Thank you for all your kind messages, I do appreciate them.

I've just been to the GP who was very happy to up my dosage, said I'd given it a good go, and that she would expect it to have to go up further in the future. She also said that she would go higher than 100mg patches if necessary as sometimes younger women need them. I am very relieved and thankful! She reframed murderous rage as general irritability, which probably looks better on my medical records.

I used to kickbox which was an amazing outlet but am just recovering from an unrelated injury. I like the idea of reframing storming off as an angry walk, that could work. I could communicate that to DH tbh, just need a 20 min angry walk, back in a bit etc.

Part of me wonders whether once you start peri the hormones that have helped you care just drop away.
Could it be that like many women you are just sick and tired of all the shit you have to put up with?

Many women see the light and divorce at this age, luckily DH pulled his finger out and does his share, I've reined in my tendency to over help and fuck everything!
😂

God I remember those days. I was psychotic. In the end I had to take 6 months off work sick. Id never been off sick before.
It did signal the end of my marriage because suddenly I hated my already difficult husband.
Starting hrt sorted it out. Luckily it was the most short lived of my symptoms.
It seems to be the transition between being an oestrogen rich, soft, loving and mothering person into the stronger, no nonsense and far less people pleasing person you will become. I prefer what I am now.

@Gettingbysomehow @Littlemousesing there is definitely some truth here! I am so much FIERCER at work. I am on fire. Zero tolerance. Contemplating a Director level role now, feel I'm in the right frame of mind for it.

DH is usually excellent thankfully. Anything less and I'd have buried him by now.

HRT is a public service really.

HRT can only do so much, you need to do everything you can to keep your temper under control.

Exercise (not just weights) or any brisk physical activity daily will help with endorphins, also it will help you sleep which will then hopefully help your mood.

Stick with no booze and caffeine.

Try yoga as well as weights, calming apps, deep breathing. Try distraction when you feel yourself losing control and boiling over, remove yourself from the situation and count to 20. Whatever it takes.

Try not to enable your behaviour by blaming it all on the menopause. Yes of course erratic hormones will cause mood swings and bad tempers but it doesn't change your personality. If you were a fiery type before peri it will just be exacerbating things.

So great yes HRT should help once the dose is right but try whatever self help/ self care you can for the sake of your poor colleagues. I'd really reconsider going for a promotion until you feel more in control.

How about getting a rebounder ? The kids will love it and you can hop on and have a angry bounce to loud music in your headphones anytime you like.

has worked for me

get a bungeee one or the noise will drive you crackers - got mine from rebound fitness. Best buy in years

Did the rage start before or after the coil?

The rage started after the coil. I've been on it for years.

Maybe the coil needs to come out? Not sure it's usual for that level of rage in a person?

If you google the coil and rage you'll find some women believe it causes rage or other mood symptoms for them. I have no idea if that's true or not but it could be worth looking into. Especially if increasing the estrogen doesn't resolve it. It's not supposed to be capable of having such effects of course, but some women are quite certain that for them it did.

Here's a lovely slice of cake.

Sympathy on the rage. I'm glad you're getting help and upping the dosage. My anger was similarly almost unmanageable for a while there.

I agree with previous posters about yoga and meditation. Might be a nice complement to the weight training.

Another thing that helped me was recognising that menopausal symptoms are exacerbated by just life in a bullshit patriarchy. I used my anger to change things at home and work that were just nonsense, like being in my late 40s and supervising men who were younger than me but earning more. No way, I just got angry and said I needed a raise. That sort of thing.

I take high strength Ashwaghanda and lions mane. It’s helped a lot with my menopause moods!

Meant to say, I’m taking Cordyceps too. Google medicinal mushrooms, I can’t recommend them enough!

Would you consider an SSRI? Sertraline really helped my rage!

I was put on Fluoxetine (Prozac) for my murderous rage and it really helped. I was on it for about 8 months. I'm not angry anymore but I do find a lot of things irritating. Im up to the 75 Evorel patch now.

Came on to say that I started at 75mg patch last night, and this morning the tight feeling in my chest has gone.

@Coffeetree I think you're spot on. It's exacerbates the BS, lots of which is patriarchal.

Thanks for all the recommendations, I will have a look at them all. I would consider an antidepressant if it continues.

I've struggled with meditation in the past, but I do enjoy a bit of yoga with Adrianne and have got out of the daily habit so will give that a try.

Came on here to update in case anyone finds raised thread in the future. I increased my dose 10 days ago and feel completely back to normal. I've not felt that feeling in my chest, I'm not snapping at anyone, my moods are just normal. The difference is stark.

Quite scary to think that hormones have such an impact on our emotions.

Glad to hear things are sorting themselves out for you.
The rage is frighteneing... I know.
I am having your saying by the way..
'HRT is a public service'
... love it!!😉

Just caught up on this thread and am really glad you feel back to normal @UsernameNotAvailableNow If you still do want to dabble in the meditation I find the guilded ones on the Headspace app pretty good (as I too cannot 'focus' on meditation and just think of should have put on the laundry etc)

I too shall use your words 'HRT is a public service' Love it.