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Menopause

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Original poster

First time poster and it is a difficult one

16 replies

Stresssed1968 · 11/03/2023 04:38

I lost my mum suddenly (no previous health condition) on Christmas Day a few years ago. I wake up regularly scared for my two children (adults m23 and f21) when I die and they have to deal with that pain - is it just me?

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 11/03/2023 04:49

they will be fine, don't worry

Original poster
Stresssed1968 · 11/03/2023 05:03

Thank you x

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 11/03/2023 05:07

xx

whistlingwinds · 11/03/2023 05:07

I have this sorry too. It comes from a place of love.

The circle of life is the most natural thing in the world yet we as humans can never seem to believe birth or death when they happen.

Your children will be okay. They will hurt the same as you are, but they will be okay. X

whistlingwinds · 11/03/2023 05:08

whistlingwinds · 11/03/2023 05:07

I have this sorry too. It comes from a place of love.

The circle of life is the most natural thing in the world yet we as humans can never seem to believe birth or death when they happen.

Your children will be okay. They will hurt the same as you are, but they will be okay. X

Worry*

Cheesedoffandgrumpy · 11/03/2023 06:40

Losing your parents is hard. It will be hard for them too when the time comes. As and when it feels natural talk to your kids about how you feel about losing your mum, and ask them how they feel about losing their gran.
As a society we have stopped talking about death, and this makes it much more difficult to actually deal with when it happens.

GreenLampOfLove · 11/03/2023 07:35

I think about this a lot, after losing my mum.
I especially worry about my youngest (she's an adult) who is very very emotionally attached to me and has nightmares about me dying all the time.

junebirthdaygirl · 11/03/2023 08:51

That's connected to the shock as you had no time to prepare.
I spent my whole life with a sort of hidden anxiety about my parents dying. Then my dad did die quite unexpectedly and while l was upset and grieving l realised l was going to be OK and it took all fear away. Your dc will be OK. As humans we seem to have an amazing capacity to deal with this or else everyone would lie down and never get back up .
Go easy on yourself as a sudden death can really send us into a complete spin so it's natural to be dealing with all sorts of thoughts.
Maybe in a while some bereavement counselling would be a help.

Original poster
Stresssed1968 · 11/03/2023 09:09

GreenLampOfLove · 11/03/2023 07:35

I think about this a lot, after losing my mum.
I especially worry about my youngest (she's an adult) who is very very emotionally attached to me and has nightmares about me dying all the time.

Yes this is why I worry - my daughter and I are very close and she really depends on me. I know she is strong and will cope (and I’m not dead yet!😂) just can’t bear the thought of my children hurting

OP posts:
JinglingSpringbells · 11/03/2023 09:26

@Stresssed1968 So sorry about your Mum.
You might find more support on the Bereavement forum rather than menopause.

Ginger1982 · 11/03/2023 09:35

It's natural. I lost my dad when I was 13. It was a terrible time. I worry sometimes about something similar happening to DS, but you need to try and put it from your mind or you end up allowing it to consume you.

Original poster
Stresssed1968 · 11/03/2023 09:40

JinglingSpringbells · 11/03/2023 09:26

@Stresssed1968 So sorry about your Mum.
You might find more support on the Bereavement forum rather than menopause.

Have just realised I’ve posted here! New to this but am menopausal too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stresssed1968 · 11/03/2023 09:40

Thank you I will

OP posts:
LaviniasBigBloomers · 11/03/2023 09:45

It's a completely natural thought, but if it's waking/keeping you up at night then it might have tipped over into the category of being an intrusive thought - you can have a wee google of that and how to manage it.

But death is part of life. It's really important to talk to your children about this - what your wishes are when it comes to illness/money, how proud you are of them, how hard it's been for you but the things that have kept you going through your own grieving process, and don't shield them from the parts of grief for your own mum that are still ongoing.

We have had a family bereavement recently, the children involved are much younger than yours but there's been a lot of chat about whether they should attend the funeral which has made me realise how much more sheltered from death our young people are. It simply wouldn't have been a question 30 years ago, partly as a hangover from my own GParents' generation being very religious and religious practice (like going to funerals of distant relations or just members of the congregation) being more widespread. Don't shy away from those difficult conversations and teach your DCs to cope with grief by letting them help you cope with yours.

Best wishes OP and sorry for your loss.

GreenLampOfLove · 11/03/2023 10:27

Ginger1982 · 11/03/2023 09:35

It's natural. I lost my dad when I was 13. It was a terrible time. I worry sometimes about something similar happening to DS, but you need to try and put it from your mind or you end up allowing it to consume you.

I also went through this! My dad died when I was a young teenager.
I think that led to some health anxiety when my children were very young as I was terrified of becoming ill and dying when they needed me so much., also knowing how it would affect the rest of their lives.

Then I've been going through it again in a different way now they are adults, after losing my mum.

OP I completely understand, I can't bear to think of them going through the pain of bereavement.

I know they will get through it, I know they will be okay and death is part of life. I accept that.

Original poster
Stresssed1968 · 12/03/2023 00:32

thank you so much. I also lost my dad when I was young - nothing prepares you. Sending you hugs ❤️

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