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Original poster

The RAGE

24 replies

Catscatsandmorecats · 22/02/2023 06:28

How do you manage it/live with it/control it?

I am really struggling with it, it almost overtakes me to the point where I am rude people at work and it took all of my will not to smash my car into a barrier in anger. This isn't like me, I'm not really an angry person, which makes it really alien as well as hard to cope with.

I'm already on HRT which helps to an extent, but it can't even out the ridiculous hormone fluctuations.

A v senior person at work told me he felt ticked off by me and had a bit of a go after I'd sent an email that was not my usual tone at all. This is not going to help me in a freelance industry where recommendations are key and incidentally, there's a massive drop out of women at menopause age. I also got the rage with myself for having the rage in the first place.

Help!!

OP posts:
Neighneigh · 22/02/2023 06:42

Not sure if it would help if you're on hrt but (and I say this whenever there's a similar thread) magnesium is your friend. I think I'm peri and those explosive rages were just not me - I'm not like that! They are much much better now (I take it daily) and I really notice when I don't take it so often. I do get the rage when incredibly stressed but it's much much better now. There's also a book called It's Not My Head It's My Hormones, which I found useful

mellowyellows · 22/02/2023 09:08

I'm on HRT and still feel really angry at times. I find the best way to deal with it is to try and make a big effort to change my attitude.

For example this morning I was furious about something that was playing on my mind. I popped into a shop to get some milk and said hello and smiled when I was paying for it. I know it sounds daft but it helps to fake it until you make it.

Original poster
Catscatsandmorecats · 22/02/2023 09:53

Thanks both, I will check on magnesium and HRT, not sure if they are compatible. Although I know horses that seem to calm down on it so there's definitely something in it 😂

I had to go into the office yesterday and that really helped ease it as I could be chatty and it was more fun. That push to start being happy though is tough.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catscatsandmorecats · 22/02/2023 22:39

We had some magnesium at home. The rage has been particularly bad the last few days so 🤞🏻it helps...

OP posts:
AnotherSpare · 22/02/2023 22:56

I also have the rage, it's awful and is actually ruining my life. I'm starting to hate all people. On the London Underground yesterday I took some crisps off a stranger because his chewing was giving me the rage.
My GP is being useless and not helping me at all, has refused to prescribe me any HRT. Will go out for some magnesium tomorrow - willing to try anything!

declutteringmymind · 22/02/2023 23:00

I've had this all day. And the colleague I work most closely with keeps interrupting my thoughts which put me right on the edge.

Rest doesn't seem to help either. I was angry with the car the other day. It's horrible.

VooVooV · 22/02/2023 23:07

AnotherSpare · 22/02/2023 22:56

I also have the rage, it's awful and is actually ruining my life. I'm starting to hate all people. On the London Underground yesterday I took some crisps off a stranger because his chewing was giving me the rage.
My GP is being useless and not helping me at all, has refused to prescribe me any HRT. Will go out for some magnesium tomorrow - willing to try anything!

Why has your GP refused you anything?

ChungusBoi · 22/02/2023 23:15

Ah so this is a thing? My tolerance for idiots is on the floor and I was starting to believe that most people really DO have shit for brains. 😂😂

ChungusBoi · 22/02/2023 23:17

@AnotherSpare agree that’s unacceptable for your GP to just refuse without good reason.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 22/02/2023 23:26

Have you thought about CBT and other therapy? If you've generally been a calm person most of your life you probably haven't had to worry about it too much, but there's a whole range of coping mechanisms for strong feelings; going back to basics with the strategies we teach toddlers and teenagers, and more specialist help e.g. for abusive men, criminals etc with anger management issues.

It won't stop the rage of course - just maybe help to stop you from self-destructing or taking it out on others.

As someone who's always been prone to flying off the handle at idiots, menopause isn't really changing much for me but I can suggest never sending an email while pissed off. Put it in draft and come back to it, preferably next day!

ilovemyspace · 23/02/2023 00:18

I'm actually on HRT....... but recently I'm starting to get so angry about things that normally wouldn't really bother me - my language has never been so bad!!

I'm starting to wonder if it's a problem other than menopause - and am going to take it up with my GP

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2023 00:23

Thanks both, I will check on magnesium and HRT, not sure if they are compatible.

Magnesium and HRT are totally compatible and it is almost a certainty that your are magnesium deficient to some degree. Almost everyone is, and peri-menopause can really highlight this. Do your research and start a comprehensive magnesium supplementation. The effects are astounding.

AnotherSpare · 23/02/2023 00:47

@VooVooV @ChungusBoi When I went to the GP with a long list of all symptoms, very clearly menopausal symptoms, my GP was pretty dismissive, saying it could be menopause but could be lots of other reasons (I'd already had a full blood test to rule out all sorts). I asked whether I could start HRT to see whether it helped and the response was "you must be aware there is a shortage of HRT, it's not realistic to start that now". She was clearly not willing to offer HRT or anything else, I left in tears. I'm currently saving to see a private menopause specialist that I've researched online.

VooVooV · 23/02/2023 01:11

I’m sorry @AnotherSpare that’s just utterly shite. I do sympathise. I couldn’t get a GP appt re my own symptoms so ended up going with Bupa’s Meno thing, as I just wanted it sorting. I was very happy with that BTW.
But clearly, that’s veering away from the main point. Can you a) complain to the Practice Mgr (just because there’s a HRT shortage, doesn’t justify not prescribing you, surely) and / or b) do you have another surgery nearby you can move to?

Original poster
Catscatsandmorecats · 23/02/2023 05:55

Oh my goodness @AnotherSpare your GP sounds terrible! Interestingly my GP didn't want to entertain the thought either but I managed to get a consultation with the practice nurse who specialises in HRT and she sorted me out. It's no magic bullet (obviously my rage is dreadful) but it has really helped with a lot of things. I don't know if your practice has similar but you could ask?

@StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf I've had various forms of therapy over the years, I find CBT very helpful. I'm in a bit of therapy no man's land right now though having been signed off last year and now facing blockers to getting any more.

Sadly the email sent in anger, which I know I should have drafted and come back to ideally, was one that required an urgent reply. I would rather have had a phone call but was on a train after the end of the day with very little signal. I felt very backed into a corner, which obviously made it much much worse.

I slept well after taking the magnesium so that's a start!

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 23/02/2023 06:12

?? embrace the rage?? Accept you’re at a stage where you spot BS at 100 paces??
seeing the world without rose tinted lenses isn’t always a bad thing.

openingbat · 23/02/2023 06:40

Neighneigh · 22/02/2023 06:42

Not sure if it would help if you're on hrt but (and I say this whenever there's a similar thread) magnesium is your friend. I think I'm peri and those explosive rages were just not me - I'm not like that! They are much much better now (I take it daily) and I really notice when I don't take it so often. I do get the rage when incredibly stressed but it's much much better now. There's also a book called It's Not My Head It's My Hormones, which I found useful

What dosage do you take?

hellosunshinetown · 23/02/2023 07:52

If a GP won't prescribe you HRT go to another one for a second opinion. It's not a receptionist's job to tell you that you have to stick with one GP at the practice.

My GP suggested my peri menopausal symptoms were down to depression. I refused to be fobbed off. I know there are side effects to taking anti depressants and I wanted HRT not those tablets.

Magnesium and HRT hasn't helped my rages. Try to remember that they will pass eventually. I've lost my temper a couple of times and sent angry texts and then regretted it.

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 24/02/2023 06:30

Neighneigh · 22/02/2023 06:42

Not sure if it would help if you're on hrt but (and I say this whenever there's a similar thread) magnesium is your friend. I think I'm peri and those explosive rages were just not me - I'm not like that! They are much much better now (I take it daily) and I really notice when I don't take it so often. I do get the rage when incredibly stressed but it's much much better now. There's also a book called It's Not My Head It's My Hormones, which I found useful

Which magnesium do you take?

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 24/02/2023 06:31

AnotherSpare · 22/02/2023 22:56

I also have the rage, it's awful and is actually ruining my life. I'm starting to hate all people. On the London Underground yesterday I took some crisps off a stranger because his chewing was giving me the rage.
My GP is being useless and not helping me at all, has refused to prescribe me any HRT. Will go out for some magnesium tomorrow - willing to try anything!

See another Dr!

Cranarc · 25/02/2023 17:44

I was going to suggest therapy but I see you have already been down that route.

In my case the HRT took the edge off some of my mood swings (particularly bursting into tears for no good reason) but barely touched the rage. I've since realised I have a lot of very deep-seated emotional issues dating back to childhood and therapy is helping a great deal.

Wishing you well.

EverySporkIsSacred · 25/02/2023 18:02

I also get this sometimes. I'm slightly on the irascible side as a general rule but the pure rage is horrible.
Regarding taking magnesium, hopefully this helps, and does this also give me another excuse to eat dark chocolate? Apparently that's quite high in magnesium...

(It's about 65mg in 28g of dark chocolate - 15% of RDA - though so I'm just looking for an excuse really!)

Original poster
Catscatsandmorecats · 25/02/2023 21:43

Thank you @Cranarc - I do need to try and follow up to get some more therapy, having had it and been signed off on the NHS it seems harder to access now for some reason.

I felt it starting today, absolute rage but there was really nothing causing it. I managed to talk myself out of it but still felt miserable.

@EverySporkIsSacred I love dark chocolate! I feel this might just be the answer I am looking for 😂

OP posts:
stepkidscopingstrategy · 25/02/2023 21:50

Great topic. I feel the rage sometimes too... and it's definitely not like me in 'normal' life. I have been able to tolerate many forms of idiocy throughout my career so it's weird is stopping now. Especially seen as I like my job and still need to work a few more years!
Will start soaking in magnesium baths.
Loved the poster who took a bag of crisps off a stranger. Too freakin funny 😆

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