It's just so fucking hard

[Losingmymind85]

Premature menopause at 38. The anxiety is absolutely crippling. I'm pulling out my hair and biting my nails and feel in constant alert and panic
My ears hurt all the time. Pressure and ringing is awful.
I don't sleep. I can't concentrate. I can't eat (lost a stone in 3 weeks) I no longer care about anything. Each and every day is a struggle.
I'm on 4 pumps oestrogel. Anxiety meds. Magnesium supplements. I don't drink. Have cut out everything nice in my diet.
I'm awake from 3am because my legs are on fire. I'm fucking exhausted.
I cried today because I couldn't find a parking space.
I genuinely don't recognise myself. I've never felt so overwhelmed with life. I can't cope with any noise at all.
GP is trying to help but I've 4 months to go before I get my 'urgent' appointment with the dedicated menopause clinic.
I don't know what else to do.

Oh god, your need a hug and a bit of tlc xx

Menopause at any age is bloody shiite, but at 38, is awful.

What's put you in menopause so young? Are you absorbing the gel? How long have you been on it? Maybe a patch would suit you better ? ( gel gives me horrendous anxiety).

Can you afford to go private ?

Just try to take a day at a time. For sleep, I'm on amitriptyline 20mg. It's okay with few side effects. Mirtazapine is another option to research.

Try and exercise regularly if you can, even if just a quick walk. Do you gave support?

Meant, do you HAVE support? X

I’m so sorry to hear this - I too started menopause in my late thirties and a lot of what you say really resonates. Especially the legs hurting at night! I feel ancient, so tired and brain fogged. I’m on a relatively high dose of sandrena gel but tbh I don’t feel it’s made much difference. Hugs.

Back to GP in two weeks to see if I'm absorbing the gel.
I've had gynae issues since 18 and the consultant put Me through forced menopause that was supposed to last 3 months, then covid hit and he retired and GP said to continue. Dr thinks the 18months has fucked everything up but who knows?
No,private isn't an option. Money is very very tight.
I'm doing yoga and running. It's hard to get motivated to attend class. Managed only once this week instead of the four I'd booked. Just too tired and highly strung
I'm on 200mg of trazadone at night. Probably going up to 300 or 400 as the panic is just so acute.
My partner is great, and I'm lucky I can always chat to my mum, but I've lost all connection with friends. I can't manage going out unless it's with my partner. Spend a lot of time panicking about him or DD being in an accident.
I just want it to stop.

Sending a massive hug. It might sound can you scale back on what needs to be done and just do the minimum and rest? Rather than scheduling vigorous exercise at the moment just gentle walks or pottering around, simple food, simple life until you feel better? Before Xmas I felt utterly rubbish but I was completely exhausted which didn’t help matters.

That’s quite a high dose of Trazodone - I understand it’s for the anxiety but it‘ll probably be making you feel really foggy and tired during the day too. Are you on progesterone too? What dose? Has anyone offered CBT for the anxiety?

I ask about the progesterone because it helps with getting a good night’s sleep without the Trazodone ‘hangover’ BUT massively increases anxiety, depression and rage in me. So that’s fun. If you aren’t progesterone sensitive, I wonder if it might be helpful to take it spread over the month instead of to mimic a cycle (usually post-menopausal women on HRT take a lower dose daily instead of a higher dose for 2 weeks of the month). You might be able to take a lower dose of Trazodone then, which might help with the tiredness.

I had the coil fitted as the gynae said it was the best option. I was previously on utrogesten and got on really well with it. The coil has been OK but may be worth seeing about getting it out and heading back to pills.
Tossing and turning all night . Up from 4. Couldn't do school run as genuinely couldn't get up. I'm trying to start work but head is mush.
I need to find the balance that keeps the panic and compulsive behaviours in check, but also let's me sleep and doesn't cause the horrific fogginess and exhaustion. Looking for the holy grail it seems.

You poor lass.

Get the coil out, and get back on Utrogestan. You sound like me when I was on Evorel combi - I had such a bad reaction to the synthetic progesterone, I was verging on suicidal at one point. Everything looked literally black.

Phone in sick today, because you are.

💐

Routine of work is the only thing keeping me afloat at the moment. If I had a whole day of nothing, I don't think the lack of focus (even though I'm pretty useless at moment) would be a positive thing.
I'll spiral and then not be able to get myself out of it.
Gp has suggested CbT but I'm not convinced. I have clarity-i can see alp of this is irrational-but I can't pull myself out of it. I'm normally very measured so I'm not sure CBT is going to help when the issue is hormonal rather than emotional?