Menopause v lazy husband

[Gertruuude]

I am only 42 and according to my doctor not menopausal according to my behaviour not so sure no period for over s year... and just told my husband I have had enough.

Not doing chores

Not doing any DIY around the house

Not spending any quality time with our son

Not willing to listen so he has no idea about my emotions.

After 11 years together all we can talk about is weather, how was day at work and traffic or planning shopping and school clubs.

And I just found out most of it is my fault.

I don't know if that's hormonal anger or just realised I am married to a wrong guy.

Anyone going through similar issues?

Who says most it is your fault?

Sadly I'm in a similar predicament. I've been almost moved to tears by another thread where posters are discussing their menopausal sex lives as I've realised when I start HRT my sex drive may come back but if that haopens I'd still have to have sex with my husband.

Yep pretty similar here too

Sick
To death if being the fucking organiser and tidy up person and the fucking go to adult cause dh dips out when he feels shite (well wouldn't that be fucking nice eh)

I've got the tail end of a horrendous bad chest/cough after a nasty virus and covid all in the last few months so I'm feeling crap and low and very tired.

Been up early last two mornings with dc and dogs and sorting washing/household shit while he has a lay in

So he suggested I go lay down cause I'm feeling so rough to which I replied great so your going to take over all the house work/washing ironing and do a food shop then.
He mumbled something and I just lost my shit at him

I'm sick to death of it and feel like everyone in the house is taking the piss out of me I really do

However I am very aware my hormones are everywhere,my periods and period pain is aloy worse and changing and I can feel
The rage a lot

My patience disappeared along with my sex drive and I even told dh he give me the Ick today

Oh he does. It's my fault cause no matter what he does make me happy so he chooses not to do anything I want from him. He thinks that's ok. Because I am the hormonal one.

It is bad. I feel like my vagina retired long before the rest.:(

I feel like hugging you. I understand it very well.🤗

I've been on HRT for the past 8 months and feel much better but I don't think I will ever feel myself ever again the 2 years prior to that I honestly thought I was losing my mind . My DH tried to help but my 2 adult DD really didn't give a shit. As long as they could moan about their lives and I was there to help them out even when I was at breaking point .I was upfront and explained why I felt so down and angry how I felt about myself how I felt worthless. I soon realised I would have to get through on my own . I've become very selfish now as my mental health and happiness is so important. I make decisions based on my needs first I really think it is the only way I will survive perimenopause. I really understand what everyone is going through & sending strength to you all 💐

I’ve just become really direct and tell ppl what I want/need now. It’s a bit of a shocker tbh! I was never like that before. More doormat/matyr I’m sorry to say. I think when the oestrogen goes so does our nurturing/caring side. I read that and it was definitely the case for me. Some days I just want everyone to get lost. Speaking my mind is hard on others but liberating for me and I feel if I’d been more assertive before my husband and I would have a different relationship now or be separated. I have no libido whatsoever. It disappeared when my child was born and the struggles of parenting kicked in. I used to feel like a single parent even though I wasn’t one. I’m actually more inclined to blame society for my difficulties than my OH. We’re not taught how to care for babies, parent, navigate family life, relationships. My upbringing was dysfunctional and I feel as women we’re sold this lie of having the amazing career, relationship, family basically having it all and life just isn’t like that in my experience. Sorry, menopausal rant over! 🙈

Just read a nice article about walkaway wife syndrome. Do you think I should send my DH a link or let him figure it out.🤔

The good thing about having a husband who does fuck all is that when you leave him you don’t really notice.

@Gertruuude Sorry to hear you are feeling crap.

Being totally practical for a start...

if you are 42 and have had no period for a year, that is classed as an early menopause ( before 40 is a premature menopause)

I'm shocked your GP doesn't know this as it's basic women's health !

This is a basic explanation from the NHS www.nhs.uk/conditions/early-menopause/

You should be offered HRT, to use for at least 10 years up to 51/52 to take you to the age of the average menopause. This is all in the NICE menopause guidance. So, you must see another GP or if you can't access that, self-refer to a private gynae who deals with menopause.

Do some reading on early menopause and the risks. You are at risk from bone density loss, heart disease and dementia.

I suggest online sources like Balance (Dr Louise Newson) and Youtube videos with Prof Nick Panay, and the website Women's Health Concern.
This is a basic explanation from the NHS www.nhs.uk/conditions/early-menopause/

The matter of your DH. Maybe you need to separate out your hormonal symptoms and get them sorted, then think about your H.
Would you think about counselling for yourself, to discuss how you feel? Would he go to couples' counselling? He doesn't sound very supportive and maybe you can think if he's been like this for a long time and you are just running out of patience with him.

I'm hoping to leave my husband soon, we'd had a talk around Xmas and decided to try and fix things which I was putting the effort into. I'm sure no women here will be shocked that it quickly was only me putting in any effort at all the entire job of fixing our marriage falling onto my shoulders after I'd already explained that I was loosing my mind trying to be the "house brain" and do everything for everyone.

My husband went away for a few days for work and it was almost like the weight of life had been lifted off me. I woke up and the house was in the state I'd left it in, no extra mess made by him, noone using the bathroom for 30 mins while everyone else waited, nobody arguing and picking fights with me every time I expressed a need for anything.

I did worry about how I'd look after 3 young kids and get everything done by myself but actually it was much easier than having another capable adult there, that you should be able to rely on, but just refusing to do anything other than make things harder.

I'm trying to get a job now so I can have some money (SAHM for the last 4 years), start HRT soon and then leave and be able to have a life. I'm not even 35 yet and feel like I've wasted my life having sex I didn't want with a person who doesn't respect me and treats me like a slave.

Your post reminded me of the film Shirley Valentine. Her OH was a lazy one! 😂

I think that's what I am scared of being honest with myself and accepting the ugly truth. I will be happy on my own.

Thank you for that. I definitely will. I have psychological appointment next week to see if I can help myself a bit.

You doctor is an ass- having no period for a years makes you post menopausal. Go back and talk to them and as your young they should take a blood test to check your hormone levels and ensure the lack of period isn’t related to something else. As for your DH he sounds like a lazy man child and wouldn’t mix up the two issues - your emotional state is just shining a light on your relationship

Did you see my post about early menopause?

You need to see a dr to discuss HRT.

Early menopause is a medical condition and it needs treating to prevent other illnesses in 10 years' time.

Oh Yes. Thanks. I will go and see another one. Plus going to do some more blood tests. My nan went through it even earlier but her heart paid the price.

So you need to tell your GP about the family history. Early meno is often hereditary