Is this perimenopause, and can I hope to regain my working life after it?

[WanderleyWagon]

I suppose I'm hoping for some reassurance here from the MN hive mind...!

I am 50 and several years in to worsening brain fog, forgetfulness, anxiety, aches and pains, fluctuating mood, weight gain, and a real worry that I am actually not going to be able to maintain my professional working life.

I feel as though I have aged a decade in the last couple of years.

I do a fairly challenging job and I've generally been able to do tasks well, juggle several things at once and be competent across the range of things I needed to do, though I've always been quite a last-minute person (have recently been diagnosed with ADHD).

Now it feels like everything is falling apart. I used to get hyperfocused the nearer a deadline got, so if I had a hard deadline I could be confident of getting the task finished. Now the routines I used to depend on for getting things done despite my ADHD are failing me. I'm forgetting tasks, missing deadlines and rapidly losing confidence in my professional competence.

Can I actually hope for this to get better? I've requested a temporary adjustment of duties at work, but that comes to an end this summer. I'm wondering whether I should go part-time. Have other mumsnetters found that (peri)menopause caused chaos at work, and did it ever get better? Did you get your 'work identity' back afterwards?

I have spoken to my GP about HRT. She has been reluctant to prescribe partly because I was still menstruating

It makes me so angry when you hear this shit spouted by GPs. It's their JOB to keep up to date with guidelines which are fairly simple for non-medics to understand. 50% of their patients are female. ALL women will go through the menopause, not all will seek help but many will. The very worst thing is a doctor who clearly has zero interest and knowledge but who doesn't have the self-awareness to realise their limitations and pass a patient on to someone else.

Women need to get angry about this.

The info here is useful, for yourself but also for passing onto uninformed GPs
thebms.org.uk/publications/nice-guideline/

OP your GP was talking codswallop.

I went to see mine about urinary incontinence. The GP asked a few questions and within minutes and without me having to raise the issue at all, she was recommending HRT which I have now been on for a fortnight. I'm 44.

I have to say the first doctor I approached for HRT was useless. Told me to and I quote ‘go for lots of walks.’ Seriously do they tell men who are suffering to go for a walk?
I do lots of walking thanks, probably far more than most women of my age. I walk to work for a start.
After going on the course through work I learned that I was losing oestrogen and progesterone at an alarming rate. Going for a walk will do fuck all to replace that. Neither will taking the multi vitamins the doctor told me to buy. She also said it was too late for me to start HRT. Again wrong.
Its absolutely shocking how wrong some doctors are.
This affects 50% of the population and they don’t know the basic facts about it.

Another useless, moronic GP strikes again. Go private, op. As soon as humanly possible.

I'm same age and also have a demanding job and the wheels nearly came off last year. I actually ended up in hospital having what I thought was a heart attack but was actually menopausal palpitations. Shortly afterwards I had a hot flush that lasted 10 days with virtually no breaks. I had several customer presentations to do during this be time. After a couple of hellish weeks I went on HRT, low dose 25mg Evorel patches and progesterone. 3 months later I feel normal and relaxed again, although getting rid of the physical symptoms was almost immediate.

What your GP has said is incorrect. See another GP.

I am also ADHD and perimenopausal. ADHD gets much worse in peri. I had very similar problems to you and thought I would have to give up. None of my strategies worked and felt like I couldn't keep up.

HRT has completely sorted that (not the ADHD sadly!!! 😂) and I feel back to "my" normal. Worked really quickly.

Change GPs, go private, do whatever you can to get yourself on HRT. Insist on it! It'll change your life.

I muddled through without it for years, managed to cope in my high pressure senior job just about, but when I got home in the evenings I wasn't fit for anything and could barely remember my own name.

Eventually decided to give HRT a go, had a bit of a fight on my hands to convince my GP as I was a good few years postmenopause, but it's changed my life and I am as sharp at work as I was before all this menopause stuff started. It's been a life changer.

I wish there was more support for those of us who can't take HRT 😢

If you can afford it, the Newson Clinic (Joanna Newson) does online appointments, I speak to a pharmacists as cheaper than doctor (cost me £160 for nearly an hour). They are very knowledgeable, as good as anywhere, and they can prescribe. They have a pharmacy you can order from remotely. I am now thinking of switching back to NHS as it's not cheap, but I know so much more than I did I can advocate for myself.

Thats a VERY difficult position to be in. It can be difficult for those of us that can take it to access it at times as evidenced by the OPs GPs waffle, for some one with an existing illness that makes the process more involved its v hard to find someone knowledgeable enough to advise. Most woman CAN take HRT though may be blocked by their oncologist for instance but imo its up to the person suffering to decide if their quality of life (or lack thereof) requires HRT. Histamine intolerance is another difficult situation but can sometimes be managed by improving gut health and carefully managing of v small oesteogen doses.

Thanks so much @MILLYmo0se for validating my difficulties - its much appreciated.

No woman should have to give up work because of the menopause.

There are treatments like HRT.

@WanderleyWagon Educate yourself and your GP!
Honestly, the rubbish they spout is just ridiculous.
Is there any other area of medicine where a GP is so lacking in knowledge or just women's health?

How can a GP not know this stuff when 50% of their patients are women?
How many more are being denied treatments?

There is support but you would need to see a specialist.
There are drugs and other alternative solutions.

Ask to be referred to a menopause clinic or a specialist who treats women who can't use hrt. They are out there!

Presumably you have been told by a consultant already that you have a reason not to take HRT?

As a BTW, there are women who have had breast cancer who do use HRT, as often it's safe at a very low dose in some cases. (Not sure if that's applicable to you or not.)

I probably had a unique insight into it, my mam had oestrogen receptor + breast cancer twice and was put on tamoxifen as a hormone blocker so immediate total menopause. From a dedicated teacher and v busy woman she developed manic episodes, severe depression and tried to die on seceral occasions over a 3 yr period. These stopped while on Lithium but she was a shell of a withdrawn person until her levels became too high and she had to stop taking it and then was back almost to being the mum we remembered. HRT would never have been an option for her even if menopause had been considered the reason, so i feel for women in this place, the experience permanently damaged our family and relationships and my poor mother carries guilt for what happened though obviously it was nothing she could control.
Having said all that women are often told that HRT isnt an option when under careful managing and prescribing it can, i firmly believe it is uo to the woman to balance any deemed risk Vs how horrendously affected her life is by declining hormones. My experience was nothing as horrific as my mums, but still n all i could NOT have lived (well, existing would be all id be doing really) for another 40 yrs the way i was regardless if i was told there was increased risk.

My heart goes out to you @MILLYmo0se . Yes that is the situation I am in and peri menopause with teenage children and frail parents to care for is a perfect storm which is exhausting me physically and mentally.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls You might find it helpful to listen to the podcast with Kirsty Lang (BBC presenter) who has gone back on HRT after BC. She's talking to Liz Earle and I think Dr Louise Newson may have also interviewed her.

I'm not advising you to go back to HRT but it's not black and white.

Some oncologists are not always up to date with the types of HRT and how some have less impact on breasts than others.

Ultimately, it is your choice.
You will find a specialist who will give you HRT if that is what you want.
They may also discuss the risks with you in more detail and with another perspective.

You don't have to 'do as you are told'.
You can look at all the evidence and weigh up quality of life over any risks there may be in the future.

If you can afford to see a private consultant, there are some in London who work with women like you (they are also NHS) if your GP would refer you.

How are you OP, a year on, have things improved?

I'd like to thank everybody who has answered this thread (including @lljkk for checking in yesterday!). I have read and reread your responses and it's been really comforting to hear so many shared experiences and also quite interesting to see how strong a consensus there is about HRT. I haven't taken the HRT forward, partly because a bunch of other health issues have intervened, but I will be doing so.
Thank you so much for being such a supportive community!