Can’t stand crowds and shopping anymore

[NorthAngel]

Hi,

I am 5 years post last period and went through a really bad year with symptoms of the menopause not long after my periods stopped (life changing symptoms).

Anyway, I am finding that these days I can’t stand being around loads of people and shopping. My teen daughter loves to shop but wants me to go (obviously to spend my money). I made the mistake of taking her to York yesterday and within half an hour I was desperate to escape and run to the countryside. I feel anxious when there are too many people around and really can’t stand it.
Has anyone else been effected like this? I’m 50 now.

*affected

I have never been on HRT

I am the same but still having periods so maybe not menopause related. I hate crowds & shopping, it feels overwhelming. Maybe just getting older, I don’t feel like I need stuff any more. My DD is same, will love a mooch around shops. I feel like I did that life a long time ago! I also don’t enjoy the cinema or theatre as much these days & feel trapped once I’m in there.

My periods are very very few now and I’m the same. I cannot stand it at all. I do my food shop online as I can’t cope being in a shop so long. I don’t mind popping in places for a quick browse or to buy one or two things but that’s my limit.

I am dreading Christmas Day with my in laws who I love, are amazing but there will be 11 there from morning until night and it’s just too much.

Not liking crowded shopping centres or stores is a sensible reaction, though.

The population of the place I live has grown a lot since I was young. The shops haven't grown physically larger, for the most part - still occupying the same buildings. But the number of people in them has grown.

There were, of course, crowds in shops when I was a teenager. I had more patience for it, I'm sure. But I do wonder if the crowds are larger now, and post-pandemic, often have fewer staff, less well-trained.

I don't mind crowded shops for an hour or so, but I no longer like shopping as a leisure activity.

I can remember my Mum getting us up early to go shopping 'before the crowds'. So she probably felt the same!

I was permenantly homicidal when peri hit, and I wasn't on HRT.

I've got HRT now.

I'm still homicidal in crowds etc.

People getting in my way and even people talking/laughing just makes me want to punch them. I used to love shopping when I was younger. I also tend to go to the supermarket early on to avoid crowds.

Small children irritate me too! In shops, I mean. I’m forever cursing under my breath why the mother has to take her entire brood (including the presumed father) with her when she does the family shop!! Arrghhh!!! I’ll smile sweetly as I pass!

Yes I sympathise entirely. I just don't have the patience anymore. Although shopping in my local Fat Face recently was a pleasure, lots of friendly helpful staff, it was hard to be grumpy.

Ive never liked crowds, but I find im more like this post covid. I really enjoyed the restrictions of having fewer people in shops. I've always been cranky in long queues. I can never understand people standing in a line for hours for a 2 minute ride at theme parks etc. I get really snappy and miserable as soon as i walk into anywhere that is busy and straight away want to leave. My family joke that i just dont have any patience.

That's not menopause - it's just common sense!

I've just started menopause, I think that and Covid has really highlighted how much I dislike being around lots of people. Im a very sociable person (or at least I used to be), but now get anxious when I have to go shopping, even popping into town yesterday resulted in a bad stomach for me. I still enjoy my friends and seeing them, I just had the a crowd these days

Same here! I strongly suspect that at 53 I'm peri menopausal but had blamed my new hatred of crowds and busyness on the after effects of Covid. Whereas before I used to love being in groups, now I'm way more conscious of 'what illness might I catch' or 'I'm not ill and have no symptoms but what if I'm spreading something to someone vulnerable'. 10 years ago I loved going into over- crowded pubs at Christmas but the mere thought of it fills me with horror now.

I was feeling this way yesterday OP. My daughter and I walked in to Beverely centre for the Christmas Market and it was unbelievably busy. People, prams, pushchairs and so many dogs looking abit frightened to be honest. The footfall was just insane and nobody using their words to pass people or alert you to their presence. No manners or common decency. I saw arrogant groups of people barging by toddlers and elderly women. I'm trying to buy myself some chestnuts and I've got some bloke breathing down my neck like a second skin and giving me absolutely no space. I was feeling so stressed. The absolute cherry on the cake was when DD and I were browsing around Seasalt (mainly went in to avoid the market crowd) the shop was very busy, full of women of all ages just minding their own business and happily browsing when a man came barging through the aisle, and yelled 'women, know your place'The whole store was just a sea of shocked faces but when I looked at my DD and her cheeks had gone flushed because of this degenerate waste of space man making her feel like she wasn't safe to relax and browse in a store...I'm not ashamed to say I flipped and lost my shit at him. The man's wife looked so embarassed but I told her clear as day the best Christmas present she could get for herself this year is to lose the waste of space that stands before me. Anyway, that topped off an absolutely horrid day and on the journey home we both decided we much prefer the great outdoors where we can 'distance' ourselves from people. So definitely not an age/peri thing, it's a people thing and lots of people are cunts.

Beverley*

I'm in my sixties now and have always hated shopping in person with a passion. So many people not concentrating where they are going. Anything that does appear will be sold out in the size or colour that I prefer.

My mother and elder sister used to love shopping, it was really their favourite hobby. I really hated being dragged around.

Nowadays, I can't think of anything that I can't get on line. I only order from places that provide easy returns.

Not sure it's anything to do with menopause.

I'd strongly encourage you to give your daughter a budget, transfer that into her account and then leave her to it. A friend tells me she has to go with her daughter to pay but really uses it to police what tbd daughter buys.

It's a people thing, I'm the same, they only think of themselves.

You made me smile at wanting to punch them.

Since I retired I do all my shopping online. I made the mistake of venturing to Homebase the other week to choose a set of Christmas tree lights. As I was looking some bloke came and stood with his back right in front of me blocking my view. Why? Just why? Sheer piggery

I sympathise and feel the same. Dislike crowds and busy places. Not sure if it’s menopause or a post Covid thing. I don’t find pleasure in shopping now and feel there’s only so much ‘stuff’ I actually need genuinely and most if that can be purchased on line anyway. Feeling the same about Christmas too and can’t get involved in the gift/food purchasing frenzy. when it really isn’t about that anyway.

I think it's just a 'getting older' thing. Nothing to do with meno or hormones.

I'm much older than you @NorthAngel and I find I like cities less and less. I do quite like a browse in a quiet shop (J Lewis) mainly at household things, but most of my own shopping is done online.

I'm also five years since last period and have never used HRT. Had a lot of the classic menopause symptoms, which have now more or less gone. I've never liked crowds, noise etc, so no change there, but have found that menopause has changed so much what I'm interested in, what I'm willing to tolerate from others etc Used to put up with appalling behaviour from people who I thought cared for me. As they say, menopause takes the blinkers off. Much more interested in being out in nature too. I'd always been able to appreciate a pleasant view and so on, but am now genuinely interested in what I see and experience.

Glad I’m not alone with this one. I do think it’s menopause related though as, when menopause first hit me and my symptoms were bad, I would leave the house and take a flask of tea with me and sit in the countryside (in the car) just to get away from people - including my family. I get very anxious around lots of people now. If I xoild
live on an island alone I’d be happy sometimes!

And, yes, dogs!! Why do people take dogs to Christmas markets?? I saw a few dogs yesterday and they looked petrified.

You're my hero. Well done you. 🙌

I feel the same. I've always been quite introverted and dislike crowds but I think it's probably getting worse with age. And when my perimenopause symptoms have been out of control, I've had a few really bad experiences where I've been really stressed out by crowds and have overreacted.

@ClCleopatrasBeautifulNose I was so taken aback at first, as was everyone, I almost didn't say anything and let him walk out. One look at my daughters shocked face told me that might be a mistake I could well pay for down the line. I'm now her hero and she couldn't stop talking about it on the way home 🤣🤣

I did feel for the man's wife, its probably his 'sense of humour' because when I addressed it he just rolled his eyes and sniggered but picked up his pace heading out the store.

Love it. Good for you, I hope if I ever am in a similar situation I can show my dd that we don't stand for that shit... and I hope you bask in your dd"s admiration for as long as it lasts. 😍