I think I just need to get this off my chest.

[Mykittensmittens]

I don’t know what I want. Empathy? Suggestions? I don’t know.

i’m 50. My periods have had no hormonal intervention for 7 years. They are becoming erratic, unpredictable and heavier.

They are heavy, they make a difference to my quality of life. During Covid when they started getting heavier and more erratic it was less of an issue, as I was home and near a loo. But now im
travelling for work, having holidays and social events and it’s constantly something I have to calculate and avoid.

Then the other stuff.
days 1-7 I’m dealing with shitty heavy bleeding.
days 5-10 I’m shattered. Private health screening through work shows I’ve been anaemic and I’m taking supplements, but I am also tired from lack of sleep getting up multiple times a night to change PJs and pants/mooncup/period pants.

day 10-14 I feel kind of normal. my libido used to be okay but now even that has nose dived.

day 14 I get ovulation cramps (always had these). Some months these now don’t happen, then I don’t know whether I’m going to have 14 days or however many days till the next period.

day 15 - the pre-period start. I am full of rage. Anything can make me annoyed. Funnily at work I’m okay but I literally hate the air my DH breathes. He’s doing nothing wrong, but anything and everything he does irritates me beyond sane levels. Opening a door makes me rage. Making a cup of tea makes me rage. He drives me mad (and it’s not him, I know this).
I have night sweats from ovulation onwards. I sweat from everywhere on my torso - under my boobs, my chest, armpits and groin. I wake up feeling so grim, damp and utterly exhausted.

Through the above irritability my teeth are permanently clamped together, I’ve given myself 3 wisdom tooth infections in the last 18 months from grinding my teeth.

I am joyless. Nothing pleases me. Things I used to enjoy are done, but I don’t look forward to anything. I feel like all my usual emotions have been replaced with rage and ‘nothing’.
I am unmotivated to do anything. I want to literally do nothing. At the same time anyone making a mess or causing me any work gives me the absolute rage. My tolerance is about zero. I have never felt less chilled or less laid back in my life.

I’ve asked at the GP and I was told that due to the specific type of cancer my DM had, I cannot have HRT.

I honestly think my DH will be driven elsewhere. My friendships are down the pan as I just can’t be arsed to do or see anyone, or they annoy me so much I can’t bear it. I literally don’t like the person I am. I feel horrible, every single day. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like my best bits are gone and now i‘m a grumpy, frumpy, unreasonable bad tempered and antisocial middle aged woman.

Any suggestions?

That sound so hard. I had all of these symptoms around age 52 and took HRT after just a few months of it as I was finding it intolerable.

GP initially said no to HRT as my sister had beast cancer.

I did some research, and found that many experts in this area still recommend HRT.

The oestrogen gel isn't as likely to trigger cancer as tablets and if you do get cancer, screening will likely pick it up. Also statistics show that if you get breast cancer and take HRT, you are no more likely to die from it than someone who had no HRT.

Weighing it up, I asked again and got it.
Maybe an option for you?

thank you.

I think I’ll have to. I feel like a hollow version of who I was. I do have (ironically) confirmed SAD so this time of year is so rubbish.

i just wish I’d stayed with the mirena 7 years ago, but was advised not to due to the same cancer risk from DM.

I could cope with the periods, flushes etc if I didn’t feel so bloody exhausted and joyless.

That sounds utterly awful! Have you asked for other intervention? Venlafaxine perhaps? (It’s an antidepressant that can also assist with menopause symptoms.)

@Fraaahnces I felt like the door was closed. But I agree now seeing it said I should push for more. I was told as I wasn’t experiencing pain (ie fibroids) and I wasn’t a candidate for HRT then it’s a case of getting through. I should focus on fresh air and exercise and mindfulness before we think about other stuff. I do a bit but it’s clearly not enough to make the difference and get me back in the right ‘groove’ sadly

I can't help and I'm sorry but thank you for sharing. As someone who is a little way off this, reading these stories means when the time comes, I will be much more prepared.

If you have the funds (you mentioned private test for anaemia so you might have insurance) go and see a specialist. I went private and was prescribed transdermal patches, a mirena coil and Progesterone cream. That really helped. My friend went one step further and saw a hormone specialist in London and it's absolutely changed her life. GPs often admit that menopause isn't their specialty. Don't give up. I honestly believe that these symptoms can be managed. Good luck.

Thank you.

I have bupa through work and they also have another healthcare offering where we can have pinprick bloods every quarter for things like deficiencies and cholesterol. I didn’t think about the bupa route - but I’d need a referral from the GP so I’d need to get through that first. Maybe if they thought I’d be moved into another ‘system’ they’d be more inclined to help?

My friend who went to see a hormone specialist in London referred herself but she paid think the initial consultation was about £250. Don't give up, your symptoms sound horrendous. I claimed through my health insurance and my GP was more than happy to do the referral.

If it helps OP, I feel the same and I'm on HRT. I'm not sure there's an easy way through this in any case. Some days I just pray I'll make it out the other end. At the same time as hoping I don't. It's shit.

I’ve asked at the GP and I was told that due to the specific type of cancer my DM had, I cannot have HRT.

Very, very often, this simply isn't true. GP's are notoriously ignorant about Peri/menopause and HRT.

Go to a private Peri/menopause clinic. I can't possibly recommend it highly enough.

I'm not hitting menopause just yet but I do suffer from pmdd, which gives pretty much all of what you've said above due to my intolerance of hormone fluctuations.

My GP prescribed me pyridoxine which is basically vitamin B6 - vital for women and their hormones but we don't make it naturally so are usually deficient. I honestly half sniggered and thought it won't do a thing, but it's really, really helped. I'm on a low dose but GP has told me she gives it regularly to women going through menopause at a higher dose.

It's worth a go - it took a little bit of time for me to feel the effects but I can honestly say it's helped lots.

So sorry you're dealing with all of this - hormones are absolute graft.

Maybe ask for a referral to see a menopause specialist or a gynae. Now that there are so many forms of HRT that are not metabolised orally (ergo MUCH lower dose) there may be something suitable for you to pick up your mood and health.

Bupa have an app called Babylon where you book free appointments (within 24hrs and even same day) to do your referral letters. They are great and helpful and no need to go to local GP. Every time I've had a referral straight to a consultant for the condition. Download it. It's great and has cut out the waits for accessing GPS.

I'd second the idea of trying to be referred to a specialist, or biting the bullet and paying for an online consultation. There will be options for you as what you are going through sounds totally miserable.

GPs in general aren't great with menopause although there are a few gems out there. If you throw in complications like a cancer history in your case or hysterectomy and thyroid in mine, and they're lost.

Your symptoms sound awful @Mykittensmittens. You haven’t mentioned the type of cancer your DM had but I would go back and see a different GP, and if they’re saying the same thing then ask for a referral to a menopause specialist. NHS menopause specialists are referred patients with various family histories all the time and can advise your GP.

Your family history alone (depending on type) increases your cancer risk. Adding in HRT may increase it further but many other greater risks exist for cancer e.g alcohol, smoking and obesity. It all needs to be weighed up but a blanket no from the GP is not correct. Hope you get sorted.

Thanks everyone.

@Amybelle88 that’s very very interesting as I am indeed b6 deficient (vegetarian). I take a supplement but notoriously bad at remembering. I need to make that a priority.

@Nofilter I’m going to look into that immediately! I can’t believe I didn’t know that. I’ve just had my revised bupa documents/pack and no mention of it.

The endless irritation is so exhausting. DH called me earlier he’s due home after 4 days away, he couldn’t hear me properly and the fact that he couldn’t hear me gave me utter utter rage. I don’t explode at him but I internalise it which doesn’t make me feel nice.

and the lack of joy - one of the DC did really well at something yesterday and I plastered a smile on and did some animated happiness but it all felt so false. Nothing makes me happy, as in mood altering happy. It’s all one level, with rage thrown in.

I’ll action some of the advice above - it’s a good starting point.

I’m 49 and I could have literally written down everything you’ve mentioned (especially the ovulation pain etc). I was so anaemic at the beginning of this year, due to awfully heavy periods, that I needed an iron infusion. I also opted for a uterine ablation to stop the heavy periods as I wasn’t keen on anything hormonal. My periods have gone from very heavy 8 day periods to very light 3 day. I still have all the other issues but at least periods are now ticked off the ever growing list of woes.

Sorry to read this OP. I empathize. I am the same but currently using HRT. I think mine needs tweaking. From day 14 I suffer from rage and I'm constantly joyless. I use transexamic acid for my horrendous periods, ask your GP for a prescription it's so helpful. I think I need more oestrogen but will wait and see what the gynae says. I hope you get some help soon.

Thank you for this. I'm the same and thought wow there is so much overlap between menopausal symptoms and PMDD! I have started supplements and bought some Vitex which was recommended. I may add some B6 in as well if it's made you feel this much better!

OP a suggestion (if you haven’t tried it) is to look at your diet and supplements too. I took a group course with a nutritionist/ biochemist and have significantly changed my diet as well as taking herbal supplements to support my liver and hormones. I’ve learned that there’s a lot more to hormones than I realised and to support all the body’s biochemical pathways it’s really important to have optimal liver function. Lots of food and lifestyle habits can get in the way and have an impact on hormone production and our cycles.

it might not be a magic fix but it’s certainly been eye-opening for me and made a difference (I’m already having more regular periods). I think it’s worth looking in since you’re not getting any joy with GP. If you can’t join a course or work 1:1 with a nutritionist then there a lots of books available.

I know this thread is very old but just wondered if you knew who your friend saw in London? I’d be interested in doing this. Thanks!

I’m the OP but the London post was from @spellingtest so tagging in case this brings your ask to their attention?

Thank you!