Destroying My Life

[Blackalice]

Does anyone else feel that they are destroying their life due to perimenopause symptoms? One of my very closest friends of 8 years has told me she can't handle my moods anymore and blocked me, returned my house key, cut off all contact. This is someone who has been the first and last person I've spoken to every day for 5 years, and I thought we would be friends forever. I have zero sex drive and have to try really hard not to find DH irritating constantly, even though he's amazing. I feel like the brain fog, anxiety and irritability are stopping me looking at going back to work now my kids are older too. A good friend pins her divorce after 31 years on her peri behaviour, my best friend yesterday said that nobody will survive her menopause. Anyone else?? I am really struggling to see any future or like anything about myself right now, even with HRT which has definitely helped a little bit with tweaking of types/doses. I don't cry every day anymore at least! I also have PMDD (still peri at 47 so still have periods) Not sure what I'm asking really, just whether I'm not alone here.

Grim isn't it!
I'm not enjoying it at all. DH is being pretty understanding and I am not 'that' grumpy but I am fed up with all the niggling symptoms. Aches, horrible periods, bladder changes and just found out my eyesight is probably being affected too!

You're not alone , I'm 48 and few like it's completely changed me, I have zero enthusiasm, all the aches and pains , rubbish skin and hair , I've gained weight , constant brain fog and the lack of motivation to do what I need to do
I'm single luckily because I also have no sex drive at all
Hrt patches for a few months now and still feel as crap as before I started
It sucks the enjoyment out of so much

My hair is like candy floss, skin itches, night sweats and I don’t feel like the same person anymore. I hate everyone, my temper feels like it’s controlled by a switch and I have no enthusiasm for anything. I used to have empathy and compassion and for a large part that feels like it’s gone. I feel like I’ve gone. Everything I felt I was seems to have sweated out of me! I don’t recognise myself at all.

I’m struggling too, it isn’t just you. I felt pretty good on HRT for a couple of years now I feel like I’ve hit a wall and have just tweaked my dose. I feel like I’m just about functioning through depression and doing the bare minimum of cooking, cleaning, parenting etc to get through each day. Thoughts of returning to work or finding a fulfilling purpose for myself feels impossible currently as I’m just about getting by and going through the motions if daily life. Forced myself out for a walk to try lift my mood but generally having to push myself to do the smallest things and it’s a struggle. Hoping the new HRT regime helps. 🤞

Really sorry to hear that so many others are suffering too. I've sent my friend's key back to her with a letter explaining and apologising for my moods (had a lot of family stress too). I don't think it will change that situation but it feels like a closure for me at least, like I tried. I wish that we weren't all feeling so joyless and shadows of what we once were. Sending huge hugs to everyone else struggling out there.

It's dreadful. I have been through some difficult things but this takes the biscuit.

I'll swap you the sex drive though. I am single again (funnily enough BF not keen on fat moody me) but mine is raging away. So unfair.

I'm shocked that some of you are on HRT and you still feel like this. I felt (and was) horrible before starting HRT, but for me it's really helped and I've gone back to being a nice person again, with a sex drive, with empathy, etc. I had to up my dose of oestrogel from 2 pumps to 3 this year, but I would urge anyone who is getting little or no relief from their menopause symptoms to go back to their GP and see if there are other treatment options

Yes i empathise.
Been on HRT since 2019 and it's done precisely zero for my sleep, joint aches and general well being.

Had the coil fitted six months ago due to irregular bleeding on HRT and now my face is covered in weird hyperpigmentation patches!! I actually give up with it!

So, those who say that HRT is the silver bullet that fixed them, I say, lucky you! It's hell.

Oh I hear you
Anyone else getting patched of excema on their scalp?

Yep I’m the same. I went into early menopause at 37 due to autoimmune issues - now 42 and been on HRT since- but it was like a switch got flicked and I stopped giving a fuck about anything really. It was like the rose tinted caring glasses I’d worn for most of my adult life slipped off and were replaced by this weird selfish pair. I genuinely feel I want to be completely on my own a lot of the time. Everyone and everything annoys me. It’s not even a depression type thing (I’ve had severe depression before) because I’m actually quite content on my own and doing my own thing. It’s just other people I can’t stand.

Also - not remotely interested in sex. At all. Genuinely feel like that part of my life is behind me. Which I know dh would be horrified to hear me say. But I now feel like sex was something the younger me was interested in, and then for having children and now I’d literally rather watch the Crown and have a tea. And I’m not sad about that. It’s just how I feel. HRT has done diddly squat about it.

I hear you. Last sentence especially.
My natural cynicism is off the scale! Have become very aware of this in work and tell myself to rein it in. I challenge shitty behaviour a lot more and will probably alienate some people. A friend recently left me waiting 25mins whilst she finished some work. Not for the first time either. I texted "let's rearrange", got in my car and drove home.
But overall HRT has hugely improved my sleep and I've no plans to stop taking it.

Yep it’s improved my sleep too. That’s the best thing about it. But I wonder if my brain has gone too far down menopause road to return 😳😆