@ProperVexed oh your poor thing, that sounds horrendous. OK, my reply will be long, so buckle up.
Like you, I was trying to get through the menopause years without HRT, but I finally cracked earlier this year at the age of 58 and after a lot of discussion my GP agreed to prescribe. I'd thought I was doing OK, but I was curious about HRT and whether it would get rid of my annoying symptoms, and my goodness what a difference since I started, I'm like a new woman.
Given your symptoms, I think you should give HRT a go. Also, you might need Ovestin for the dry vagina - it'll make a big difference.
My GP put me on Oestrogel, up to two pumps per day depending on how I feel, plus a daily Utrogestan tablet for the progesterone component. Progesterone is used to protect the womb lining, some women have a Mirena instead, but I had mine out a few years ago. I haven't had a period since I got my Mirena in the midst of peri aged 46, so that's why I take daily progesterone. Women still having periods take Utrogestan for just part of their cycle.
I had one bleed since starting HRT six months ago and I won't lie, it was like a horrendous painful period, but since then nothing. I haven't gained weight and haven't had any headaches. I sleep well, night sweats have vanished, l don't ache everywhere any more, I have a comfortable undercarriage again and my libido has returned. My brain fog isn't too bad, though in my late 40s it was horrendous, and I've never really suffered from rages but I feel on a much more even emotional keel.
Have a chat to your GP, but do your research first. Go in knowing the risks and benefits, and if you can tell the GP what you think you need it'll help - some don't have much of a clue, unfortunately.
Best of luck!