How supportive is your partner?

[thebluehen]

(If you have one) how supportive and interested are they?

I went on HRT a year ago, DP didn't really ask why. I simply told him I was suffering with menopause symptoms and he didn't ask anything. I started CBT 3 months ago, DP didn't really ask why, I told him I was struggling with low mood. I've had GP reviews where he just asks if everything's ok and I tell him the bare bones but he never delves anymore. I had a terrible gp appointment last week which I told him about and how I was considering anti depressants (cried whilst telling him). We talked a bit and he was keen for me to get a private gp appointment which I told him I had booked for 8am yesterday morning. He didn't ask about it until we were going bed last night having spent 6 hours together. I have watched both Davina programmes and he has just gone to sleep through both of them and not discussed anything during or after.

He says he wants to support me but obviously doesn't understand "woman's stuff".

I'm obviously menopausal so I worry my perception is wrong. I know he's a man but he could show a bit more interest, in my opinion. I feel so terribly lonely and don't talk to anyone (apart from my counsellor), I just feel like I'm there for everyone else (dp, friends, family) and feel that when I do talk about myself, people don't listen to me. They talk over me, change the subject etc. My friends all think I'm a great listener.

I feel pretty battered down by everything and don't have the strength to try and push myself, I just smile and listen.

Sorry op, that's rubbish. I think you need to re watch the Davina programmes TOGETHER (without your DH falling asleep) so he can truly gain an insight and understanding of what you're actually going through. I'm not going through the menopause yet (age 37) but i have been thinking alot about it recently and the Davina programs and this forum have really helped me understand it more. Good luck, you deserve to be listened to and supported. Especially by your DH 💐

I just don't know if he's capable of being "understanding" with this. He gave me a hug this morning and said he wants to help me but doesn't know how.

Maybe he just doesn't understand that listening and learning is also helping.

To be honest, my dh is as much a victim of my peri meno as I am.
the poor bugger can’t do anything right.
he gets the brunt of it all.

I had no idea that there was anything wrong but knew it wasn’t right.
after Davina, I bloody know now!!!!
fucking menopause, it can piss off.

My Fiance is very supportive. He has watched the first davina menopause programme and will be watching the second tonight. I thought I was early for perimenopause (only been in the last 7 months it started) but here it is. I have had a hysteroscopy, a mirena and I have oestrogen tablets which have been beneficial. He always asks what he can do to help and support me and when I tell him he does it!

If he says he wants to help you but doesn’t know how, can you be a bit more specific with him? I’m not menopausal but had dreadful PMS for a while. XH dealt with it by disappearing to his garage. But if I said to him, I’m exhausted and need a nap, can you do tea? Or I just feel really teary and need someone to be kind to me, he’d go and get me a Dairy Milk (and make me cry more 😂)
Often men don’t ‘get’ women’s issues. Mine was very much a blokey bloke, but he’d do what I asked him to.

DH is totally supportive in a fingers in ears don’t need to know any details kind of way. Wish he was more interested but he’s never been one for Dr Google and never looks anything up.

Yes, I think he feels a bit lost with it. I will try asking him for what I need (when I know myself 😂) rather than just expecting him to know.

I just feel like I'm there for everyone else (dp, friends, family) and feel that when I do talk about myself, people don't listen to me. They talk over me, change the subject etc. My friends all think I'm a great listener.

I'm feeling like this today. Everyone seems to be talking at me including teenage dc. I don't want to solve problems...I've got enough going on with heavy bleeding (very recently had a gynae examination so not thinking it's anything too serious) and more likely to be peri related.

I think I want to just sit and moan/vent and I'm wary of offloading onto friends (who are not experiencing similar). Counselling is great for this but I can't justify the cost currently. Part of the time I just want to sit alone on an island somewhere and the other part, I feel lonely with all of this and just want someone to listen (and understand) how difficult this is. Whilst I get a fair bit of practical support, I don't get much in the way of emotional support from my husband. Sympathies op.

I sympathize @thebluehen . My DH is a step behind yours if that’s any consolation. I’ve never had an ‘I’d like to help’ out of mine. I’ve never had a single question out of him about it. He is always anti- medication of any kind and completely squeamish about women’s health. I think it’s just an issue with a lot of men over a certain age, raised a certain way (the dark ages?).

Please post on the forum when you are fed up and feel nobody listens. I feel much the same and it helps. I am starting to feel I’ve entered the age of invisibility women speak of. Not listened to, talked over. I actually feel I’m Shirley Valentine !! Lol 😂 anyway, you can certainly vent away here. Take care 💐