Books on menopause for husbands

[Furryfeet]

Hi Everyone,

I wondered if you could make any recommendations for resources to support DH? My mental health has taken a real dip in the last 4-5 months and while covid, work stress etc. must have been factors, a recent trip to Louise Newson's clinic resulted in me being advised that I am peri menopausal (just started new HRT as a result). I've had a few symptoms in addition to feeling 'weird' but the main one is insomnia - I have struggled to get to sleep and then usually wake every night at about 2:30 feeling warm, wired, palpitations, crawling skin and dizzy and it's hard to drop off again. As you can imagine this has really affected my husband almost as much as me and he is really worried about me/us/how this is going to affect the children. Can anyone recommend any resources that might help him. He was thinking maybe a book? We're about to open a bottle of wine and watch the Davina McColl programme (fun bank holiday weekend entertainment!). Thanks in advance

Can you explain to him as you have here?

I get the feeling he's not listening to you and you think a book might give him a wake up call!

Is he not being very understanding?

I think he's listening as much as he can at this time but he's finding aspects very stressful. I feel that a book would take the pressure off me to educate him as I'm not feeling my most articulate and I'm not sure I have complete insight - I don't feel myself but find it hard to explain some of what's happening to me. I think it's also about normalising things... I have told him how I feel and he's taken it on board but I think having a good book or other resource would help reinforce the message as something happening all the time to lots of people, rather than just something that's all of a sudden hit our family (just as we were coming out of covid and trying to go back to normal!!)

I should add he specifically asked for a book to read, which I thought was a sign of interest, but when he researched it was met with a barrage of different options and wasn't sure which one to pick - hence the post

It's not your responsibility to educate him. If he is genuinely interested in learning more about peri and menopause, literally all he has to do is Google it for himself. You're not his mum, he can do this for himself.

I am not taking responsibility for educating him, I am looking for a book recommendation from anyone who might have read one that they have found interesting and insightful. I think this conversation is becoming rather loaded. Either you can recommend a book or you can't.

I truly do not know what a book would do.

It will tell him that women have mood swings, insomnia, night sweats, hot flushes, and all the other symptoms of menopause.

What more than that does he need to know?

I think what he needs is some emotional intelligence so that he can support you if that is what you need. Reading a book is not going to give him that.

Is there more to it? Maybe like the fact your insomnia keeps him awake, or he's not getting sex, or he's struggling with how you feel? Can you talk about this as a couple?

I'm sorry but I still have the feeling he's angry or not being supportive.

This is on another forum

Is it the kind of thing he wants?

www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2458.0.html