Odd peri behaviour

[Furryfeet]

Hi

I have recently been diagnosed with peri menopause and have been on Evorel 50 patches for a few days, after Elleste did nothing for me. My main issues have been anxiety and very poor sleep and I have been signed off from work for a little while. While I am assured by the consultant I saw at L Newson's organisation, that I will feel better soon, I have been finding the lack of sleep very challenging and it has put a strain on my marriage.

Just last night I had a bit of a breakthrough and decided to go and camp in the garden. It worked fantastically: the combination of cool fresh air, not having to worry about waking up my husband and general sense of peace was incredible. My husband was pleased for me in the morning - he didn't take it personally and he shouldn't - l love him very much and this isn't about sex or affection, just rest and sleep - i just don't feel like sharing a bed just now and we don't have a spare room.

The problem here is that no sooner had I got up and started my day my anxiety started kicking in and I started thinking 'what if I have to sleep outside forever?...what will I do when winter comes?' Then I started googling all sorts of expensive camping equipment that might get me through a Scottish winter.

This seems to be the curse of peri - this nagging anxiety that won't let up so even when something goes well there are 1000 insecurities lining up to threaten the positive. Does anyone out there relate to this or have any words of comfort/wisdom?

Does anyone else feel 'weird' about things that didn't used to be weird? (Like sleeping in a bed!)

I used to be so good at taking things a day at a time and having a 'this will pass' mentality but my mind just keeps fast forwarding to catastrophe.

A fan in a bedroom helps, as does opening windows so no you don't need to sleep in the garden!

If I were you I'd get back to work asap as physical activity and routine is vital for sleep and obviously the busier you are the less time for intrusive thoughts/worrying.

Peri then the menopause will be an ongoing issue for years and while hrt will of course help some perspective is needed. It isn't a disease. I'm presuming you avoid alcohol and caffeine, ensure you do at least 10,000 steps a day (or cycle, do a class whichever you prefer) and try to really be positive with plenty to keep you occupied.

If the HRT and self care doesn't help with anxiety then maybe you'll need to consider anti depressants too? Good luck.

Thanks for your calm, measured message.

I think that a few issues at work and post-pandemic stressors have been feeding into my current state of mind. So in terms of perspective, you're right that hormones are only one part of the picture.

My husband and I have been trying to work through things one issue at a time and we have been reasonably successful in doing this. For example I've managed to negotiate some changes to my workload and I've started a few community activities, which I'd really missed under lockdown. And my husband has been working on the allotment to create a bit of a bolthole so we don't spend so much time in the house.

I think that the way my sleep pattern changed so suddenly last winter really threw me and this coupled with a feeling that I'm 'not quite myself' is an unsettling combination.

I had actually tried a couple of anti-depressants but they didn't agree with me and made my anxiety and sleep worse. Having read your post though I might wait and see how I feel in the coming weeks (as I'd absolutely welcome even a 10% improvement to mood/sleep as a result of HRT), but if it seems that things haven't changed I will go back to the GP to explore other options.

AD's are not recommended for anxiety due to peri or menopause. They can make it much worse.

'I think that a few issues at work and post-pandemic stressors have been feeding into my current state of mind. So in terms of perspective, you're right that hormones are only one part of the picture.'

Yes. Anxiety can spiral and escalate very quickly, when I suggested perspective it isn't by any stretch to patronise rather to reassure that it's all a very normal albeit an unpleasant stage. The effects of fluctuating hormones varies from woman to woman.

To sleep in the garden would cause lasting issues and it surely isn't practical.

Key though as I said is physical activity. In my 20s I could sleep 12hrs easily after drinking coffee all day. Now I can't and even when I just cannot be bothered to do an hours cycling or walking I know that the result will be tossing and turning at 3am. So, until you're back to work still get up at 7 or 8am and have a full day planned just to stop the overthinking and to wear you out a bit.

'AD's are not recommended for anxiety due to peri or menopause'
Not as first line, but as the op is already on HRT it may be something to be added if she's still struggling and off work.

The type of estrogen and progestin in the two types you have/are using, are the same.

HRT types and doses for peri

It may be that you didn't absorb much from a tablet. Hopefully transdermal will be better.

You say you are in Scotland. Are you supplementing with Vit D? It's recommended for everyone from October- April but especially in more northern latitudes like Scotland and N Ireland where the sun is less strong.
You should take a supplement of at least 10mcg a day or even 25.

Rather than think about more tablets etc for anxiety, it's now recommended that talking therapy and/ or mindfulness is the way to go. Drs are supposed to offer counselling for anxiety, and you can easily buy apps like Headspace to try mindfulness.

Things like yoga and meditation are also really helpful for some people as long as you get into a daily routine and practise them.

My consultant suggests simple, yoga breathing exercises every day for women who need it, along with or instead of HRT. This can be very calming and more effective than anxiety meds, all of which have side effects.

Thanks everyone. I have actually been doing some meditation and some CBT and go for a run every morning as well as avoiding all caffeine. I will be interested in hearing what my practitioner's take is on Friday.

The thing about sleeping in the garden which maybe I haven't clarified is that it was just lovely. The sound of the wind and rain, the fresh air and the sense of stillness are things that I'd been craving. I also had a fire pit and stared at that instead of the TV. I invited my husband out with me and would have been happy if he'd taken me up on it, although it was nice to have bed space to myself.

It was just complicated by negative feelings when I came back indoors and some quite extreme, negative thoughts next day, which seem to be the norm for me just now as I seldom feel 'safe'.

I feel that one way forward could be a staycation in the garden and commitment to more outdoor activities (we have a sort of bothy on the allotment on our street) to reset.

I realise this is quite a complex thing and maybe I should just discuss it with my CBT person. I suppose I was just wondering if other people had ever had experiences in peri-menopause of craving something different from what they usually want.

To clarify re the HRT - I’ve been started on only Oestrogen for the first few weeks and then progesterone will be added after as progestin intolerance is suspected. It’s also a higher dose. I don’t fully understand the dosage measures but the consultant seemed to think I needed considerably more than I’d been getting.

'I also had a fire pit and stared at that instead of the TV. I invited my husband out with me and would have been happy if he'd taken me up on it, although it was nice to have bed space to myself.'

Yes it would have been nice if he'd have joined you but maybe just arrange a camping weekend instead so you get the outdoors thing without sleeping in the garden. Also try sleeping apps that play various noises maybe? I have a Bose one (you need their sleepbuds too) and you can choose rainfall or running water and various other soothing sounds, might be worth a try.

Ultimately though everyone is different and perhaps your fluctuating hormones are just giving rise to general feelings of dissatisfaction in your life and relationship, only you know this of course.

It’s like the power of mother nature has really helped you! Love that. If you want to go back inside then windows open all night, new cotton bed linen and make sure partner never snores might help.

Everyone's comments have been really useful. I have reflected on them and had an honest chat with my husband. The upshot is that we've agreed to go back to a counsellor who we saw in the past and who we really trust.

On the one hand I love camping and nature, I love a cool sleeping space (even before the flashes) and I'm not all that conventional a person so ultimately if I want to camp in my garden then I will. However, I recognise that I have been quite 'out of sorts' lately and there have been all sorts of pressures on our relationship, particularly in relation to my anxiety, insomnia and poor memory, so if I'm going to make any unusual lifestyle changes then an open discussion with my husband and a professional has to be the best way forward.

I think what it comes down to is that my hormone fluctuations and lockdowns have both left us needing physical and emotional breathing space and a greater connection to the outdoors, as well as a digital detox so we need to work out what is the best way to achieve this.

If sleep does become an issue I found this book very good.

www.amazon.co.uk/Sleep-Book-Well-Every-Night/dp/140915761X/ref=sr_1_3?crid=28HRPXJZ3LNX1&keywords=meadows+sleep&sprefix=meadows+sleep%2Caps%2C86&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1649186539&sr=8-3

It's really about readjusting our attitude towards sleep (doesn't promise any instant cure)and explains how to work with thoughts like "what if I have to do this all winter?" It's been really useful over the long term as so far I've been able to use the techniques to deal with specific problems.