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Menopause

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Original poster

Do you feel differently about your partner

20 replies

Touty · 16/03/2022 00:50

Just that really. Have your feelings changed about your partner since menopause?

I am lying here feeling really low and unable to sleep. Im wondering what is wrong with me, feeling unhappy in my relationship, unfulfilled, lack of intimacy, lack of shared interests etc I could go on.

Will the feeling pass or is this it now?

OP posts:

Naughty1205 · 16/03/2022 01:18

I'm feeling all of that too. I tried HRT, probably not for long enough. Is it because we are getting on and we are re evaluating our lives? Ugh.

Original poster

Touty · 16/03/2022 01:30

@Naughty1205 yes it could be that we are re evaluating, I'm 50 next year. Don't get that warm and fuzzy feeling anymore, could be hormone decline.

No real inclination towards sex. He seems to be much the same.

Just feel sad.

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 18/03/2022 07:27

You are not alone.
DH is older than me and started having problems that he wouldn’t address. I got fed up of having poor sex, and decided I’d rather not have it.
I think sex is the glue that keeps you together, it’s the one thing that’s different from relationships with others. And when the sex went, so did our relationship.
He is just a person I share a house with now.

Agirlnamedrose · 18/03/2022 09:34

Yes, definitely...and not for the better. I could have written so much of what has been posted. It's like my feel good hormones went away and the rose tinted spectacles came off. My tolerance has significantly reduced and in a way, I think I can see things more clearly. I also feel like I'm living with a housemate now. My husband also won't address any problems relating to himself (apparently, I'm the one with all the problems).

In other areas of my life (apart from the dreadful peri symptoms), I feel like the quality of my life has improved - I know more clearly want I want and don't want and I'm starting to take better care of myself.

Sorry to hear others are feeling this way too but it is a relief to read this thread this morning as I feel less alone.

GeneLovesJezebel · 18/03/2022 09:37

I once read on here that your cuddly, warm oestrogen is falling, so you no longer put up with crap.
Yes, the rose tinted glasses fall off and you see your future clearly.

Annoyedtoomuch · 18/03/2022 10:47

Thank you for posting. I posted on another thread because I’m feeling so intolerant of DH. I feel like I get nothing from the relationship other than sharing childcare and house chores etc. - I could pay for all of that. I’m never sure if his habits and behaviour are intolerable and I’m only just noticing or if I’m just too intolerant. The upshot was that most people would find some of the behaviours I mentioned intolerable. So I do think my ability to tolerate the intolerable has changed IYSWIM?

GeneLovesJezebel · 18/03/2022 11:00

I think we put up with, and tolerate, a lot of behaviours while kids are little. We need a partner to help care and provide for our offspring. Then the kids become independent, and at the same time peri menopause kicks in, and that’s when you’re left with staring at the rest of your life with this person, any you reevaluate.

Agirlnamedrose · 18/03/2022 18:02

I'm trying to work out how much is down to changing hormones but that can only account for so much surely?

I still have dependent children - it is definitely an incentive to try to be more tolerable but I agree with your comment Gene in that we probably feel far more vulnerable when we have young dc. and look for help and support more and then this need reduces.

Some of my friends seem closer to their husbands if anything (similar aged friends). If I'm honest I feel a bit envious but weirdly other areas of my life such as work, interests/hobbies and friendships seem to be thriving/have improved.

EssexLioness · 18/03/2022 19:00

Yes I do. On one hand the hormones mean I often feel very antisocial and want the world to bugger off so I can just be alone forever. However, I also love my husband more than before. We have grown closer and I appreciate how kind, understanding and supportive he has been through the whole thing.

Original poster

Touty · 19/03/2022 23:37

He won't go to the doctor. I think his testosterone has dropped also a bit of ED. Says he can fix it himself. He has said I have a lot of adrenaline!!! This is BS, I'm not jumping on him every day! He can bloody flatter himself, not.

I don't know the fire seems to have gone.

It's not just the sex thing.

I'm thinking that in 10 years I will be nearly 60 and do I still want to be here????

OP posts:

Original poster

Touty · 19/03/2022 23:39

I think my heart has just sort of dropped. I don't feel like I am in love anymore, I do think hormones play a part

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 20/03/2022 07:04

I don’t love my husband any more either. It’s sad because I used to adore him, and we had great sex.
Yes it’s sad, but I stay here in comfort and companionship for the rest of my life, or I turn my world upside down.

Forkandknife23 · 20/03/2022 07:16

I could have written your post Gene. Trying to decide what to do is making me ill.

Mrsrai · 20/03/2022 07:51

I feel the same. I don't know whether I'm being unfair to him because my tolerance is so low and it could seem like I've moved the goal posts in our relationship. Behaviour that previously I would just accept as him, is now unacceptable to me. Is it me & my hormones or him being selfish & inconsiderate?
No intimacy in years, no communication or wish to talk to me. He's like a lodger in the house who dips into family life as & when he chooses.
Trying to decide whether I should just put up with it as he's always been like this, it's just now I'm struggling to live with it & am lonely. Or whether I need to separate, which I'm so scared of for my children.

Milliemoo1908 · 20/03/2022 08:28

Going through Peri and also 50 next year has made me question my not so great marriage. I have put up with crap for years and have just accepted that this is how it will be. I have finally decided that I am not prepared to accept crap anymore, just not in a position to do anything about it at the moment xx

GeneLovesJezebel · 20/03/2022 11:42

@Milliemoo1908

There’s many of us on here who are waiting for the right time 😉

Runaround50 · 20/03/2022 12:05

Yes this this post resonates well.
50 and post menopausal.

Constantly reevaluating life and what the hell I’m doing with it!

I keep going over poor life choices years ago, which is pointless as there’s nothing I can do now.

The kids are teens and we are taxi drivers to them.

Can’t fathom what I want any longer and time is ticking.

No advice, but I hear what you are saying.

WhatsitWiggle · 20/03/2022 12:12

I'm in the same boat. It hadn't been good for years but there was a lightbulb moment on holiday last year where I just thought "enough, I don't want to do this ever again". I will be turning everything upside down and it feels horrific starting over as I'm facing 50 especially with rising costs. But even our 14 year old DD prefers it when her Dad isn't home, so I'm making plans to separate.

user1498572889 · 20/03/2022 12:15

☹️ everything that everyone of you has said.

Runaround50 · 20/03/2022 12:42

Whatsit, have you hatched a plan?
I have often thought of this and feel co parenting might be better
( except I would head south, whereas as everyone else is north! )

I don’t know. It’s very hard.
You kind of jolly along when the kids are young. I only said to OH yesterday, that once upon a time, the garden would be filled with kids, playing in the sun. Now, it’s empty and no one uses it ( except our pet rabbits !)

What has life become?

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