Give me some hope that the menopause won't destroy my sex life!

[occupationalhazard123]

I am in my 50s and not yet menopausal or even peri menopausal (have had blood tests done so I know what's going on). I feel great, life is good and my husband and I have a very physical relationship. I can't imagine life without great sex but all I hear is that the menopause will destroy all of this! I am prepared when the time comes to take HRT and anything that will help. I am hoping some of you will have some positive menopause stories and tell me that you are as sexy as ever!

I’m sure there are plenty of women who continue to have a fabulous sex life.
Women on this board are usually asking for advice/help about the problems we are having during this part of our lives, whether that be night sweats, mood swings or loss of libido.

No change here. I didn’t have too difficult time with the menopause, which I am thankful for.

The two main medical reasons they don't like sex is

1 Painful sex due to dry vagina
2 Low libido due to loss of estrogen.
3 Just don't fancy their partner any more (but don't want to rock the boat by leaving.)

1 - sorted with topical vaginal cream/ pessary

2 HRT and testosterone

3 Leave /swap for a different model

Well that’s great you feel great.
Some of us women ( myself included) have been having a tough time with the menopause for years, as it eats it’s way into everyday life.

You are just one of those who hasn’t suffered . If you do, Jingling has made some great suggestions to try and rectify things 🙂

Well meno is destroying my relationship bit by bit. Hrt has not worked in solving my issues.

I read, whether it's true or not that a high percentage of women will get va, but the majority do not seek help and suffer on.

You say you are not in peri yet and over 50. Just keep everything crossed you have an easy time of it.

@occupationalhazard123 It's unusual for you to be in your 50s with no peri symptoms yet.

I'm wondering why you had blood tests ? It's not recommended by Nice for women over 45.

On the sex topic, you need to understand that there are two factors- physical and emotional.

Only 15% of women use HRT. Even less use testosterone as it's only becoming available on the NHS slowly so most women get it privately (and its role is to help libido.)

Also , only around 20% women use vaginal estrogen. The stop having sex because of the pain. Either they aren't aware that simple treatment exists or they are too embarrassed to ask for it.

And some women feel exhausted because of night sweats.

The emotional side is that a good number of mid-life marriages break up or go stale and women simply don't fancy their partner any more.

None of this comes over in the media which is maybe where you have read that women stop having sex. Mostly, it's because of vaginal discomfort and not understanding there is treatment.

Thanks all, it's really good to hear your perspectives. I had the blood tests done privately just to know where I am in the process and so that I can manage hormone levels when they do start to change. I'm hoping that balancing out hormones when the time comes and using vaginal oestrogen will help to avoid many of the symptoms. I'm sure the emotional side plays a big part as many of you have said - if you feel rubbish you're not going to feel sexy!

I've been using HRT - I started because of night sweats, but have found that my sex drive is better than it was before. I've got no complaints .

@occupationalhazard123

Thanks all, it's really good to hear your perspectives. I had the blood tests done privately just to know where I am in the process and so that I can manage hormone levels when they do start to change. I'm hoping that balancing out hormones when the time comes and using vaginal oestrogen will help to avoid many of the symptoms. I'm sure the emotional side plays a big part as many of you have said - if you feel rubbish you're not going to feel sexy!

You do know that blood tests are inaccurate? Which is why they aren't medically recommended in older women. Your hormones change daily, so one blood test is a snapshot on that day.

Not sure where you went for the tests but I'm sceptical of any Dr who would do these simply on the basis that they don't show anything useful. It seems a little unethical TBH. (Believe me :) I've seen a private meno specialist - top in UK- for years.)

I'd suggest you just wait and see how you go. No specialists will test your hormones to manage the process. They will offer HRT if you have symptoms and they affect your life enough to use HRT.

Sure, yes - it was just something I wanted to do, a little more info if only a snapshot. I don't have any symptoms so it all seems to add up and helps me get a little better prepared when the symptoms start to appear!

I'm afraid menopause did severely impact my sex life - or more to the point his sex life, as I have no libido and could happily manage without sex on a physical level. I've been using HRT to sort out my vagina (UTIs) to great effect and am just starting testosterone (NHS, prescribed by my GP) to try to get some libido back. Fingers crossed.

I'm 54 and am menopausal according to a blood test (had the test as no periods due to Mirena).
My libido definitely dipped and it got harder to orgasm.
I started on vaginall oestrogen cream as was feeling itchy and irritated, it definitely helps if you are good at using it regularly (reminds self to order repeat prescription).
What has helped me (and DH) the most was deciding to get fit. This has helped our body confidence and the fitness has helped with performance (). The temporary exercise related testosterone rises probably also contribute a bit.
It does vary and we have gaps that are longer than before and sometimes make ourselves have a maintenance shag of its been a while but we do have more active phases (had one last week, must be a spring thing).
Can't believe I'm discussing this over my morning coffee!

I'm not on HRT by the way, by the time I realised that my worst symptoms (anxiety and insomnia) were probably menopause not stress related I was over the worst and now feel fine. I have always had PMT and do not cope with hormones well, particularly progesterone. I feel cool and clear headed now and don't want to risk disrupting that with HRT.
Cutting down on alcohol and going to the gym have helped me with any remaining issues.