Is this due to falling oestrogen levels?

[Twitterwhooooo]

I've read a few articles about oestrogen being the 'nurturing' hormones, that drives women to want to have babies, look after others etc etc.

I'm 52, so clearly past the having babies stage, but am feeling sick to the utter back teeth of looking after others. By which I partly mean the domestic drudgery of cooking, getting children up for school, nagging about homework etc although also the emotional side eg family members leaning on me for support.

I have done a lot of 'looking after' recently - organised the children during school closures, my job is quite 'parental', coordinating care for my elderly mother, sorting out major difficulties one of my children was having at school etc etc and now that everyone else is sorted, I want them to fuck off and leave me alone.

Dh is still working from home (as am I most of the time) and he's just said that 'it's like you don't want me to talk to you' after I'd grunted when he'd interrupted my work for the umpteenth time.

Yes, indeed it is, I thought.

Can anyone relate? TIA

Absolutely!

I am 49 and feel the same

Want a break from it all and look ahead and think the best years are behind me

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like! 😂

Yes. I think it's being sandwiched by 2 generations: The needs of elderly parents and of under 18s. It's too much

I don't think it's falling oestrogen, I think it's rising twattishness... (of others I mean!)

Im the same. Could quite easily fuck off to a desert island.

I want everyone else to fuck off to a desert island and leave me in peace.

Seriously. That would be Best Xmas Present Ever.

Op, I can relate. Spend many an evening telling Dp and Ds to Leave Me ALONE. I can't be arsed with questions, sort this, do that. It's definitely not just you.

I think this is definitely menopause related. I used to be very earth mother type, but I find myself increasingly fed up of other peoples mess, don't want to do any 'looking after'. Although it hasn't helped that everyone has been home 24/7 during Covid - I definitely need done space at home!

Yes, that's definitely a factor too.

Seriously yearn to have a couple of days by myself at home.

Maybe its emotional burnout. My mum is getting old and my sis wants her to move to live between us. Dsis has no kids and I have four. I dont not want to care for another person. I'm done with it after almost two decades of parenting.

But also I do think from my experience the older people get the less they seem genuinely have empathy. In my family anyway.

After telling my sister I had a heart echo for suspected heart failure and her not even acknowledging what I had said, she is delusional if she thinks I'm going to co-care with my mum with her ( sorry sis) I can just imagine telling my sister that mum has got dementia and sis looking blankly at me and then talking about something else.

Things like that wear you down after years. People look to you as the emotional rock and then grind that rock down.

Oh yes. My mum died last week - overall a relief as her health had been deteriorating for a long time and she was very, very miserable. We didn't have a close relationship by any mans, but I Did My Duty.

I've been her only relative in the UK and have done the slog of co-ordinating care, visiting etc.

My sister is now over from Australia, expecting me to support her with the emotional and practical side of things. So pissed off with it all.

God yes, with knobs on! Agree with every word.

I want them to fuck off and leave me alone

Totally relate to that.

Sorry for your loss.

I am currently 'enjoying' some time out as I'm the only one in the house with covid . Floating between my ensuite bedroom and my office and nowhere else. It's, oddly, not quite as much fun as I'd hoped. Infact it's a bit lonely.

What I wouldn't give for a big hug and a snog with DH right now 😞

I hear you op

I totally feel the same way. I am so sick of all cooking, cleaning, washing. It's partly Covid & people working from home. And it's partly because I have been doing it for 28 years and I want to stop now please!

(I know everyone has to do housework but I don't want to have to do it for everyone else anymore!)

I identify with this! 7 years since my periods stopped and I have a very, very low tolerance of twattishness of any kind.

I used to love cooking and didn't mind shopping, now I hate both. Some days there's hardly anything in the fridge because I cba to meal plan and check. Woe betide DH if he asks what's for dinner...

I hear you OP. And sorry for your loss

I'm 45 and feel angry most of the time about how much I do and how taken for granted I am. I just feel like a domestic drudge. And all the emotional labour too. The being there to support everyone else. All the remembering everything from PE kits, to new school shoes, to doctors appointments (I make appointments for DP too), arranging plumbers and builders etc, birthday presents for friends, family kid's friends etc..... It feels so bloody thankless.

Not sure if it's estrogen or if it's just that I'm being taken for granted and I'm worn out and pissed off!

Sandwich generation! It sucks.

Sorry for your loss OP. Its your time now. Be selfish.

I feel like there is only so much care and love one can give before its depleted. Something needs to recharge or be given back if that makes sense, instead of take take take.

@IncessantNameChanger your sister needs to fuck right off. Good luck and stick to your guns.

"Something needs to recharge or be given back if that makes sense, instead of take take take."

Yep. This is difficult time of year for me anyway, due to historic reasons, and I've always run the marrow of my bones dry making things as nice as I can for the children and everyone else. As pp says, the usual mental load on steroids as there's all the school stuff at Xmas.

I've gradually reduced my load eg I don't send cards/buy presents for his family now but obviously have a funeral to arrange on top of everything else this year.

I don't even ask for thanks. Just that if people want to moan, they find someone else to listen to them rather than me.

Yes I feel your pain,
Absolutely and utterly fucked off to the back teeth of the domestic shit which consumes my life.

Teens are doing my head in.
Partner doing my head in.
Mess to deal with daily.
Job which is low paid and demanding.
House which needs 1000 things doing to it.

Aged 50 and done with life.

Tried hrt, keep bleeding on the stuff.
Now awaiting scan to check I’ve not got anything nasty.
Mood is shocking and unsure how I’m even going to get up for work tomorrow.

Urrghhhh

Can I join the party?!?
52. Mad busy life and job. 2dc who are my world but jeez I'm sick of them making mess and not helping. They are preteen so often just grumpy & moody. DH works long hours.
I seem to have slumped into a domestic existence of chores plus PJs and wine and hot flushes and brain fog