Loss of nurturing instinct

[Libelula21]

I’m a 46 yo single parent of a lovely 4yo. Alone for two years since his Dad died.

Recently the peri-menopausal symptoms have accelerated and all of a sudden I’ve become more shouty , less nurturing and less patient. It’s a bit like that mother feeling has faded.

I’m just so scared: we’re alone together to obviously my moods and behaviour will have a big impact on him. What if I start getting The Rage? How can I change this? I do love him more than my own life, but that loving-mummy feeling is evaporating…

Anyone else experienced this, and any advice to give?

I started hrt patches and realised I was spending time staring lovingly at my 2 small dc again. Los of oestrogen has alot to answer for.

I saw my GP this week, and he didn’t seem in favour of HRT.

He’d prescribed me with Prozac after a short phone consultation but I didn’t start taking them because I wanted to discuss more re perimenopause; also I suspect I have had ADD all my life. So discussions ongoing - though he did mention the slightly raised cancer risk that comes with HRT.

The Menopausal Not Mad website is great, get armed with the facts. And the Balance app to track the symptoms. You do right not to take the ADs, that is the recommended treatment for peri symptoms.

Thanks, I’ll check those out. Is there a word missing in your last sentence, Thissucksmonkeynuts?

Google Dr Louise Newton, she is brilliant. Change your GP, like so many they know nothing about the menopause, makes me so angry, You need to do research and go to the gp with the information.

If you have any other symptoms then make a list and go back to Gp, or a different one at the practice.

Yes, we'll spotted, ADs are NOT the recommended treatment for peri symptoms.

Yes. Im 51 and my youngest is 15. Years til he'll have flown the nest its exasperating. Id love if her were 22, finising college and moving out. So many years if this still to go.

Thanks @Thissucksmonkeynuts . I think my GP thinks I may be depressed separate to the peri-menopause. I don’t think I’m depressed, just life’s hard just now, as it is for so many of us. (I actually think I have undiagnosed ADD.)

I’d just like to be sure I’ll have enough oestrogen / oxytocin / whatever it is to be a loving devoted mummy for a few more years yet!

@Libelula21 I have just started HRT and I feel so much less ragey, I’m fact haven’t felt it this month at all. I am also feeling more like my usual personality of being fun and feel much more loving towards my family.

Also there is evidence to suggest the menopause and peri menopause exacerbate ADHD symptoms.

Anti depressants should not be the first thing that is tried.

Good luck

Yes! Oh my god I thought I was going mad!
I have little to no patience generally at the moment but Jesus kids make me livid! I’ve always been a smiler at toddlers etc but now I feel nothing but annoyed and ragey at them!

Doc says I’m definitely not (peri)menopausal as I’m too young (I’m 45?) we don’t all start our period at the same age so why would we start menopause at the same age?

I feel like I’ve become very impatient, apathetic and uncaring and it’s horrible!

I think Caitlin Moran wrote an article not long ago about estrogen being this amazing drug that suffuses us with patience, love, kindness etc and how you really notice the difference when it drops! I'm definitely snappier with DD and currently filled with rage at DP but don't know if that's justified or irrational/hormonal.

@Lilolily I’m just 45 and have just started HRT. Go back to GP.