Panic attacks and mid life crisis

[BroccoliSprout]

I’m 41 and had DC at 38. Periods seem regular but are noticeably heavier compared to pre pregnancy. I’ve measured myself and the tape measure claims I’m the same size as pre pregnancy, but I can’t fasten my clothes around my ribcage and I feel like my tummy is bigger? I cry about my post pregnancy body most days and I’ve had to remove all full length mirrors from the house. But mainly I just feel anxious. Could this be perimenopause?

I’m anxious about sending DC to nursery. Anxious about not having career success and have no idea what to do with myself when nursery gives me some time back. Anxious about my looks and feeling old. Anxious because I feel hot in bed and I’m convinced I never did before and worried it’s early menopause. Anxious about my health. I read in the news that someone burned their throat on hot food and choked to death, so now I’m afraid to eat hot food. Then I read that someone damaged their throat with something that was too cold so I’m afraid to eat cold food as well. I’m anxious about going out of the house in case I catch Covid, I won’t eat out or go to places that other people are quite happy to go to. I read on the back of my face cream that you should avoid sun exposure if you use this product, so now I feel anxious about going outdoors unless it’s overcast. I accepted a wedding invitation but now I’m too scared to go in case I catch Covid. I booked myself in for Botox but cancelled because I’m too scared in case it goes wrong. I won’t have contact with FIL because he’s refused to be vaccinated. I won’t let DC visit BIL because they got a rescue dog and I’m scared it might bite his face. I won’t take DC to the park if it’s empty because it’s screened by trees and I’m afraid someone will attack us. I am TERRIFIED of pain since I went through pregnancy and labour, afraid that any mild pain will get worse and I won’t be able to make it stop and nobody will help me.

I’m having panic attacks all the time. I drank a cold drink and it gave me a tummy ache - panic attack. I had an allergic reaction to a new toothpaste - panic attack. Thought I inhaled a peanut - panic attack and now I won’t eat peanuts. Received a password reset email and convinced myself someone was trying to hack me - panic attack. A bit dropped off the new roof and the roofer ignored my calls and we can’t afford to pay for another roof - panic attack. DC asked how long I could hold my breath, so I held it then felt sick and convinced myself I was having heart failure - panic attack. Someone came too close to me in Asda without a mask - panic attack. I found out that a vindictive ex from 15 years ago has moved back to the nearest town - panic attack.

I have no friends. I don’t contact anyone or see anyone except DH and my parents. I don’t know what’s caused this anxiety but it’s got worse since I had DC and got stuck at home, and Covid has tipped me overboard. As much as I’m afraid of menopause I’m partly hoping it’s causing this anxiety because at least that’s treatable. I never used to feel like this.

It might be hormonal, but if you can afford it, some counselling from someone experienced in anxiety might help, or CBT. You can access a lot of CBT online, or use the helpline and advice on the website MIND.
You could also try apps like Headspace and others that are for mindfulness and coping with anxious thoughts.

Poor you OP Whatever it is, you should speak to your GP because it sounds very debilitating.

I agree that a bit of CBT would probably help too.

I have panic disorder OP and a few years ago I could have written your post.
I was terrified of eating a lot of foods incase I had a reaction or choked, was scared to go out with my dc alone incase I dropped dead in the street, scared to put on the cooker incase I died and there was a fire and my children couldn't escape, scared to go to others' houses because of germs, and the list goes on ..
You are not alone. It's not living it's existing in horror.
I think you need to go to your GP and tell them EXACTLY how you are feeling. They will have heard it all before.
You will be tested for any physical causes and also likely referred for talking therapy.
I was referred for cbt and whilst I was waiting I was given appointments with a counsellor who worked at the surgery.
I was also offered medication which due to my high anxiety I refused to take ( pretty silly now in hindsight as I feel it really would have helped as I couldn't possibly have felt any worse at the time).
CBT really helped me.
It was a lengthy process but I stuck with it and five years down the line I'm much more 'me' and although I feel a low&level anxiety most days I'm not pushed over into the panic abyss.

Op. You need to make an appt and speak to your gp. You are mentally unwell and don’t need to live like this. You may or may not be going through peri, it’s unlikely but it’s also irrelevant what’s relevant is you are unwell and need to seek medical help.

It's good to suggest speaking to her GP but given the way so many are still not doing face to face appointments now, you may find it hard to get the help needed in a 5-10 phone call if you get that.

I hope the OP will of course.

Meanwhile OP here is a link to MIND and help on using mindfulness.

mindfulness tips with MIND

I just don’t know what’s caused it. I never used to be like this. In fact I can think of lots of situations that reasonably should have caused anxiety and I wasn’t bothered by them at all. Perhaps it’s just that you feel immortal when you’re young and now I’ve realised that I’m not. I’m terrified that something bad is going to happen. And I’ve had such bad luck in life, now I’m afraid that I’m the person who bad things happen to, and I’m afraid they’ll continue happening.

Oh poor you OP. I've suffered panic attacks and they're hellish. I felt like nobody believed me then I had a massive one at the GP where they had to lift me up of the floor.

I wouldn't say it's a total fix but you could ask your GP to refer you or see if you can self refer for talking therapy. I know some people find medication helps them but ironically I'm too anxious to try that.

I'm also pretty sure mine were triggered by peri menopause.

Sorry not to be able to give you the magic bullet but im sending you solidarity anyway x

Oh OP

I feel like you should print off what you wrote here and take it to your GP (or read it to them over the phone if it's only phone appointments).

You need to ask for help. You've done that by posting here but you need to ask for help IRL. You will feel better again. You won't always feel like this.