Aged 43 and going through menopause: scared and overwhelmed

[EssexLioness]

Hi everyone, I have a list of about 30 perimenopause symptoms atm and armed with that I got extensive blood tests from go to check hormone levels and rule out any other causes. My most bothersome symptoms are mood swings/ low mood and anxiety, fatigue and all over aches and pains.
My blood tests came back showing I am indeed going through the menopause and my hormone levels are all haywire. I was told that while they don’t know for sure when I will stop my periods etc based on my results they would say maybe the next 2-3 years, maybe much sooner, maybe a bit longer.
I knew my symptoms fitted perimenopause as I have done a lot of reading but finding out I am further along the journey has spiralled me into low mood/ anxiety. I found out Monday but really struggling to process and make sense of my feelings. Is this normal?
I feel like I have aged overnight. I feel unattractive and invisible and I am worried about a sudden change in looks. I know this sounds vain but I worry my husband will stop finding me desirable. I also feel scared for the future: panicking about osteoporosis, heart disease, etc. And generally a deterioration in health over the years before the inevitable. I feel like I’ve woken up and the best years of my life are behind me. I also feel really isolated as no one close to me is going through this yet. I can’t talk to my mum either as she was hugely abusive and we are no contact… but I’m really scared and I can’t even explain why. I find I really want my mum now too (well not MY mum as she’s cruel but a fantasy mum figure I guess who would let me cry and reassure me and share her experiences. I know it’s a normal thing everyone goes through but it was a shock and I don’t feel ready. Not really sure what I want from this post but just wondered if others found it a shock/ blow. I’m not one prone to overreacting normally so I apologise if my post sounds over the top

Sorry posted to soon. It’s great that you are feeling some benefit already from your dietary changes. My diet is pretty clean already but I do plan on making a few tweaks and upping my exercise too.

Thanks @EssexLioness I'm 46 next month, with one ovary and a knackered thyroid so imagine they'll be fairly obliging if I feel the need to have it confirmed .

My diet is rubbish...I've been a carer for the last 18 months and stress and exhaustion have seen me turning to takeaway and wine far too often.

I've just had a week alcohol free (I know it's awful but that's really unusual for me...don't normally manage more than a day off at a time although I only have a glass or two of an evening).

Am having a smoothie incorporating organic bio yoghurt and milled seeds (flax, sunflower, chia and pumpkin) for breakfast, have reduced my carbs and trying to incorporate more soy products into my diet.

Baby steps but it seems to be helping.

Hi Op, how did your appt go?

I’m just 40 and perimenopausal - started on hrt about 5 months ago, firstly on estrogen patches and oral progesterone with vaginal estrogen, then switched to the oestrogel last month.

I’ve definitely been peri for a few years, I know there’s a general family history of early meno, but my mum died in my early 20s so she’s not around to talk to about it. Luckily I have a fantastic sister who’s almost 20 years older than me, who’s been a great support.

I had my DS at 32, and know from fertility investigations a few years later than my egg reserves and quality were very low for my age (to the point that there was no point doing IVF). At the time I was devastated, as I would have loved a larger family, but over time I’ve come to terms with it.

All that to say, I feel like I’ve had a few years to process things. I’m quite crunchy, and like to take the natural route where possible, and I do feel like I found some things that made a difference, but what made me ask for HRT was the long term health benefits.

I put it off and then with covid I just hadn’t got around to making an appt, but I mentioned it to a female gp when I had blood tests for iron levels and she was brilliant.

We’re still playing around with the dose levels, but I feel so much better in myself, I’m so glad I started it. I feel like it’s given me a new lease of life, so much more energy, sleeping better, and much more like ‘me’ than I have in years!

Sleeping better and having more energy has then meant that I’ve had headspace to eat a bit better and do more exercise. I went on the scales this morning to find I’ve lost half of the the stone I’d put on over the past 2 years!

I also feel like I’ve been given a jump start on a second life that many women seem to find with meno. I’ve spent many years at home raising kids (I also have a DSS who lives with us) and supporting my husband, and feel like (although I’m not sure what direction I’m going to take) now is my time to shine!

Sorry that was so long!

Sorry you have been through all that and so young @oreosoreosoreos. Glad to hear HRT has been positive for you. My reasons are split between wanting to improve my symptoms and also being worried about osteoporosis etc. It is advised to have HRT if under 45 for the protective benefits so that is a big incentive for me too.
My blood tests showed that some of my hormone levels were those expected post menopause which surprised me, especially as I still have regular periods. But it explains why I was struggling so much. At my age I hadn’t really considered I would be in menopause, and assumed it was just peri. I thought I would have years of this and would get much worse. I didn’t say anything for so long as I thought I would just look like a baby when so many women manage fine. It was my husband who convinced me to get a blood test and I am so pleased he did as now I am hopeful for the future again. I had got myself into quite a low place and no doubt my hormones didn’t help that

I can absolutely feel you!

My early meno was a real shock for me too, it started at 39. I felt that I aged overnight and I was almost obsessed with my appearance.
I am on hrt and feel younger than before and more confident.
Everything will be fine!!!:)

Thank you @Emerald13. I am really hopeful now I have my hrt. I feel like I’ve been given 9 years of my life back. I feel the same about ageing overnight, which of course doesn’t make logical sense as I still look the same. I have also suddenly started worrying about osteoporosis etc and hrt will help with that. I guess it’s not all bad in that it has given me a jolt to focus on my health a bit more now

Firstly HRT. Secondly, liberation from periods🎊

It's so tough being a woman but I do think being postmenopause is a special stage in life where you should be finally focused on yourself and let go of all the physical and mental drudgery of childbirth and dependents.

Sending un Mumsnetty hugs. Mine started at 42. Like other posters, I felt better within 2 days of starting HRT. Nothing is going to feel good on 3 hours of sleep, and hormonal swings really do a number on how you feel about yourself. When you have settled down, I suggest identifying older women who you think are pretty cool and thinking about why that is. Look for older women in books or films too - I channel General Organa on the days when I feel a bit shit! Generally take this opportunity to reassess who you are and what you want and value. And talk to DH, if he's a loving partner, he will want to know you feel this way.

@EssexLioness sounds like my bloods were the same as yours, which I think was part of the issue - I was having huge hormonal swings, which just effect everything -
I would go be from being fine one day to sobbing on the floor the next like an emotional toddler. I definitely feel more levelled out since I started the hrt. I asked DH what he thought as well before my gp review and he said the same - that I seemed more level and less up and down.

Also, I was part of the Stella trial for Mumsnet. It’s not something I would pay for monthly, but it did have a couple of good insights that I hadn’t heard elsewhere - they talked about not going low carb, but about having your carbs earlier in the day (breakfast/lunch). Honestly can’t remember the scientific stuff reasoning behind it now, but it seems to work for me - I definitely feel better in myself and have lost a few lbs too. I don’t do it religiously either, as some days it’s just too complicated!

I would also say that it was quite good in that it helped me make small changes cumulatively, over a 3 month period - so might be worth a few months subscription to get you going. I’ve got it for free due to taking part in the trial and am just going to do another 12 week programme, focussing on different symptoms this time.

You will be surprised to know how many woman go through peri menopause at your age and only discover that's why they were feeling that way when their periods stop.

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much brighter than when I started this post. I had 7 hours sleep last night which helped a lot. My DH has been wonderful and so supportive. I was embarrassed for so long about my brain fog, moods, aches and pains etc that I didn’t mention a lot of it. It was on,y after my results came back that I dissolved and explained exactly how tough the last year, on particular has been. And he has really stepped up emotionally now he realises how much I’ve been struggling. We went out to the cinema yesterday and had a nice time just hanging out together which lifted my spirits too.
@Snowdrop30 i love your idea of looking towards older women who inspire me. I will definitely have a think and do that. Our society focuses so much on the power and beauty of youth that I think it is difficult not to absorb some of this, even on a subconscious level.
@oreosoreosoreos I haven’t heart of Stella but sounds interesting so I will have a look

OP, I'm happy to hear you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. You will feel huge relief (and realise how much you were suffering) when the meds kick in, which (as mentioned up thread) is impressively fast! For me,thinking through the women I love and admire, who are a decade or more older than me), has led to me being more selective about taking on work that is purposeful to me (chiefly mentoring younger women), saying no to people pleasing shit, and using that time and space to seek out the things that bring me joy. I do still have wibbles about my changing body shape, hair, skin etc, and related wibbles about my attractiveness to my partner, but I find here the trick is to just to be patient and those feelings pass. As you say, we are so deeply conditioned not to even 'see' women over 40, that retraining your mind and heart is going to take time