General loss of confidence - perimenopause or pandemic anxiety?

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm 47 and pretty sure I'm in perimenopause. Hair thinning, periods gone v irregular/almost non-existent, erm, "personal" dryness etc.

But I also don't feel in my right mind, sometimes. Is this normal? I feel like I've lost all my confidence. Like I'm a has-been who's useless compared to the motivated and positive bright young things I see at work. I have a voice in my head a lot of the time saying "I can't do this, I can't do this". It sometimes feels like everything is too much. My job at work has changed during the pandemic and I don't know if it's that but I just feel useless and a fraud.

Yet another day I'll wake up full of positivity and feel fine. I can't tell if it's just pandemic anxiety or perimenopause but I'm not sure how to fix it.

I had crushing anxiety and a loss of confidence develop during peri and I was an emotional wreck. HRT changed me (mostly) back to my old self.

Glad it worked for you. I have a family history of breast cancer, high blood pressure and a history of blood clots. Pretty sure HRT is contraindicated for me.

It's probably a mixture of peri and pandemic. It's definitely worth exploring whether HRT is something you can try. It made a huge difference to me. Another thing that has really helped me is regular and vigorous exercise so that may be something to try.

curlyhairedassassin I understand exactly what you mean!

Some days I could change the world and then the rest of the time I cannot cope with anything, or believe I can do anything

I am 48 but some days wonder where my life went, I feel like a different person I just hope it gets better

OP I can totally relate. I'm 50 and I've been peri menopausal since before Covid. The way I feel has got SO much worse in the last year and I'm now left wondering how much of it is exacerbated by the pandemic and how much of it is just hormonal. Some days I think I'm losing my mind.

I feel exactly the same and it got worse during pandemic - hrt helped along with CBT counselling, meditation and going outdoos. Bit I don’t feel myself still and like you just want the old motivated confident best bs k instead of the anxious foggy headed tired me that’s here. There’s flashes of the old me and hope post pandemic it will return - good luck

I feel the same. I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. I'm so tired because I can't sleep. I seem to fail at every and constantly letting myself down. Like you, not sure if it is pandemic or menopause- but I haven't slept a full night since last March!

@fleecie13 the sleep thing is definitely hormone related, I slept through again as soon as I started on hrt

Me too. I think it is hormonal because it can improve but recognise all the symptoms described by others. I feel like ageing has accelerated dramatically this year.

Definitely relate. I used to be smart. Now my thinking is incredibly slow and foggy and I feel really stupid. Have resisted HRT thus far as managing to keep the other symptoms at bay with magnesium cream, menopace, cutting back booze and daily exercise. But the foggy brain thing means I feel totally useless most of the time.

Sorry you're all feeling similar. As you say, @chickadeeeeeeeee, I sometimes wonder where my life went and why I feel so old all of a sudden. It's proper midlife crisis territory.

Do you reckon the brain fog lifts when hormones settle down.

I've started on Menopace so hopefully that might help a bit. Just trying to build up to starting an exercise routine. Exercise is not my thing at all. And things like star jumps are a thing of the past thanks to my weak bladder.......

I do remember about 12 years ago sitting with the older women in work and hearing them talking about such problems and I thought they must be exaggerating because to hear them it all sounded so awful. It all seemed WAY off in the future for me. And here I am, sitting in the staff room talking to my colleagues in exactly the same way. Although I've not quite had the guts to tell them sometimes it feels like I'm going mad as that just sounds weird, doesn't it? We just refer to it as "I think I was a bit hormonal or something because I was a bit shouty with DH".

I don't really want to take HRT as I have used hormonal contraception for multiple decades and want to give my body a break from it. I take menopace too, drink alcohol very infrequently and have increased my walking and (very slow) running.

curlyHairedAssassin
Definitely mid life crisis- feeling really low

Nothing to look forward to, future looks bleak, starting to withdraw.

Then other days, fewer I admit, on top of the world

Definitely feels like I am going crazy 😱

God this is totally me! I am mid-40's and periods are very infrequent so I am assuming I am in the peri-menopause. No other real physical symptoms (so far) so I wouldn't want medication.

But the brain fog is awful - I constantly forget words, my memory is shocking (it always used to be spot on) and it is really impacting on my work. My confidence is on the floor, I am constantly doubting everything I say/every piece of advice I give and I feel awful about it. I enjoy my job, I am middle management in a large organisation and the implications of advice I give can be quite costly if I get it wrong. I hear all these other people should really articulate and i am just not capable of behaving in that way - my mind won't work quick enough at the moment and it can be embarrassing

Not really sure what to do...if I told my manager, what could they do?

I'm just hoping I emerge the other side with some dignity and a career

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread! Thank you all for posting.
I’m 45, hair is thinning, confidence is on the floor, I can’t sleep, I don’t want sex, some days I just want to cry all day and I can’t figure out why everything feels so difficult.
I presumed it was due to the pandemic as I’ve lost my business, everything I worked for over the past few years have gone, but as time goes on I feel worse not better. I have no energy at all but I’m forcing myself to exercise every day in some form. It’s the only think keeping me sane.

I’m exactly the same. A lot of this improved when I started HRT - anxiety definitely lessened, moods got calmer, fancied sex again. But the awful brain fog is still there.

Does the brain fog get better after menopause? It must do, mustn’t it? Older women in their 50s and 60s are generally portrayed as sharp-tongued and steely, not forgetful and foggy... aren’t they??

This is definitely me at 45.

My confidence has hit rock bottom due to brain fog and have days where I literally avoid speaking to people because of the fatigue and struggle in communicating.

The ten days before my period I feel the absolute pits; a kettle which will not turn off - singeing hot skin and then freezing cold with goose bumps. My mouth and eyes are so dry and I'm constantly thirsty -
I've had loads of blood tests, referrals, everything normal but because of the timing of symptoms I can only conclude that this is all hormone related.

I feel exactly the same OP! No confidence, thin hair, feeling oooold. Would love HRT but have been told to avoid due to blood clot risks.

Exercise helps a bit but it's currently 4.30pm where I am and I'm still in bed after a post lunch nap. Hope the Menopace helps a bit!

*Definitely mid life crisis- feeling really low sad

Nothing to look forward to, future looks bleak, starting to withdraw.*

I feel so much of this. I have been a sahm for a long time and will shortly have to get out and do something or be confined to the 4 walls as my little one will start school. I was anxious before all of this and now I've got to get the gumption and motivation to get back out there. Brain fog and just a horrible mixture of hormonal feelings. Withdrawn but wanting to connect but feeling so rubbish, it feels like a vicious circle. Another who can't take HRT. Also feeling much older than my age (47).

I am wondering if it gets better too.

Mega anxious at the moment, my period is due, although at 48 who knows

Feel myself almost hyperventilating sometimes and catastrophising every health niggle

Sleep is awful, awake at 3am feeling panic stricken

Breathing exercises seem to help

Wish it would pass

This is me 100%

My self-steem is non-existent, feel a fraud at work all the time, cannot concentrate, forget half the things I do, get panicky and overwhelmed and feel extremely low.

I have just started another thread (had not seen this one) where I mentioned that I have just been crying my eyes out and banging my head (yes, you read that correctly) because there were no spaces left in the Easter sports camp for my son.

It's too much

It’s sound more psychological than hormonal to me. Hi!:)

I have been peri menopausal for several years, no symptoms and loving life. Dec 2019 I woke and felt awful, terrible migrane, aching and no energy. I took the day off work, prior to this not had a day off sick in 17 years. I woke up the next day and was completely fine.

Over the next few months i only had 1 period and I started to feel a little jittery at times and although I was sleeping 8 hours a night I was going back to bed at lunch time on my days off. I also became less interested in my house and was not able to exercise as much as I had been. But overall i still felt okay and normal.

The pandemic hit and I missed another 2 periods. I became unwell again with migranes and fatigue. Only this time I had hot flushes, racing heart, high bp and awful anxiety and insomnia. This time it did not go away. Each day I felt awful. 2 months later my period came. 2 weeks later another. 2 weeks later another. Then nothing since. Now been 8 months with no period, but have awful symptoms physical and psychological every day.
For me I think these are definitely menopause symptoms heightened by the stress of the pandemic. I can usually brush stress off easily, but not this time. Apparently low estrogen affects your ability to physically and emotionally respond to stress.
I have decided to take HRT in the hopes it will help a little. I have tried supplements/menopace and anti dep and neither have helped at all. My bloods show I have almost no estrogen or progesterone. So I'm assuming upping my estrogen will lessen my symptoms.

Most people I know are affected by pandemic and hopefully we will all feel more at ease once Summer comes and restrictions ease.

I wish you all the best.