Anyone Else Experiencing 'is this it?' thoughts.

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May well post on chat. But as I am hurtling toward the menopause, I thought I would ask...does anyone else have 'is this it?' thoughts.

SAHM for several years. 3 dc for which I'm very grateful. But I am also a middle aged orphan, siblings who haven't much interest in keeping in touch and a relationship with my husband that could be a lot better (now re-evaluating everything).

I know covid has exasperated everything but really, my life hasn't been limited very much...which kind of tells its own story.

The pointless feeling is linked to depression but also probably connected to the invisible mid life thing. My eldest is contemplating university (a few years off) and talking about all her plans and it is making me feel really old - I'm only 47. But honestly, I don't feel I have the energy to start a dramatic career change etc.

I keep thinking about old age...my widowed grandmother in her 80's used to sob to me how lonely she was and it's kind of stuck with me...this is what awaits. There are women living locally to me - on their own with 3 dc a piece and see their children once a week all told or maybe twice - many of their dc live away and the way my eldest is talking she might too. I just feel down about it.

Anyone?

I can sympathise, I didn't really have those feelings until this year.

I think they've been exacerbated by the January weather, lack of daylight and long lockdown.

Are you doing anything to help with the depression? If you can get help with that, you may find more energy for other things that would hopefully give you some purpose

JiltedJohns Thank you for your response. I have got a rough plan of things to try but then I am class act at talking myself out of stuff. It stems from low self esteem and subsequent anxiety which was created mainly due to childhood abuse unfortunately. It just feels like I've got a huge mountain to climb. I don't necessarily have to work although part-time work would be ideal. I am currently considering voluntary work etc. I am too young to retire (officially another 20 years) but dread having to go back into admin type stuff though it can be easier to hide my anxiety there.

I have a hobby I enjoy (but it requires thought), I also have an idea for a small hobby type business on-line which probably wouldn't make much money. A lot of this is insular activities though. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I've been focusing on being kind to myself lately and I am awaiting some therapy when covid eases. At the end of the day the answers need to come from within. I suppose a big life shift (the menopause) is bound to make you stop and reflect. I am not 100% sure what would constitute a good/fulfilled life. I am fortunate to have 3 dcs but miss not having other family connections. I've kind of come to the conclusion that if I've not been able to have good relationships with family, what chance is there with others. I've also got relationship issues with my husband who really has been my entire support system, which I hope therapy might help with and this is dragging me down quite a bit too. I've had tons of grief to deal with other the past few years and have been let down a fair bit too and I'm feeling very alone with it all. I keep reflecting back, though life wasn't always plain sailing then. And I although I sometimes feel exhausted by them (2 fairly young ones and a teen). I feel beyond fortunate to have my dc and ask myself why that isn't enough and just be happy. Hopefully counselling will help and if not I will try ADs which always seem to be hit or miss in their effect.

Is there anything in life that has triggered this feeling for you?

Sorry name changed.

Every month.

I didn’t have a period for half of last year and I have lots of the periM symptoms strongly. I had a go willing to consider HRT if I decided I needed it but she left the practice. When I mentioned to the new female GP today she told me I was too young for hrt (at 45) and dismissed me.

I can go from feeling near suicidal to absolutely fine in the blink of an eye at a certain point in my
Cycle. I’m aware it’s hormonal and it’s new after my 6+ months without a period. I have the hot sweats and restless legs and sore joints and periods that are erratic in timing and severity. I don’t sleep well post mid cycle until I bleed and when I do I have sleep anxiety which is horrible. These are all recent symptoms. I’ve come to terms with this being the beginning of the end but because I’m not old enough in some twenty something GPS mind I have to suffer a bit longer. I’ve spoken with women younger than I who are far more successful with their GPs and hormone replacement. Sorry I don’t have any answers and have somwwhat hijacked your post for a rant it’s just your timing was pertinent

Stinky You need to see a different GP. I am only slightly older than you and did try HRT in different forms but I had no success (and actually made matters worse for me) but everyone is different. GP was happy to let me try, it is ridiculous for GP to just dismiss you.

@Daphnesmate04 there are no others within my area so I’m stuck with the ones I have. Only one female & the men all send women’s issues to her

I was widowed at 47. My kids were 4 and 6. I moved twice, and took up a new career (I was a sahm until he died). I changed my whole life because I was forced to.
I didn't go through the menopause until I was 55, but by then I had settled in the new area, made lots of new friends and my kids were also adjusted.
Now I am 58, my eldest almost 18, and time to reinvent myself once more. We are moving to London, my daughter attending sixth form there, and I am embarking on another career.
Fortunately for me, menopause was symptomless. My periods became erratic for a couple years then stopped. Nothing else.
I'm not sure what you are feeling is a result of menopause, or just the fact you suspect you are menopausal that is causingbyou to think that life is passing, and you are now closer to the end than the beginning. But 47 is still young - you have decades left. See it as a stepping stone to a new phase in your life, not a trial leading to inevitable decline. It can be awful, and not having family support doesn't help (I do not have family nearby, though I am close to them).
Therapy may help, and maybe you can start virtually now? Reaching out to friends may help too - they are likely to be going through similar, but are putting a brave face on it.
And your side hobby is great - anything thst can absorb your attention and bring you fulfilment is well worth your time- do not deny yourself this.

Pipandmum I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You must have had a huge amount of inner strength to have done all of that and with such a positive outlook - talking of re-inventing yourself is amazing.

I didn't want to do virtual therapy but I am hoping face to face therapy can start later in the year. I have a friend who is going through it - I don't like to keep moaning though, we are really only keeping in touch virtually at the moment and she works long hours. I am a grand master at putting a face on things...I was brought up to just get on with things...when really on the inside, I struggled massively. My mother provided no emotional support and my father was physically abusive. I find it really difficult just to be myself with others (but I have managed it just about with my closest friend). Nobody really wants to befriend someone who emanates negative vibes but I am going to try and work on extending my social circle when covid eases. Everything that you have achieved sounds amazing and inspirational (and very brave).