Anyone fixed their relationship post meno?

[yearinyearout]

I realised a few months ago that I've gradually gone off my DH and it's coincided with perimeno.

Literally everything he does irritates me, from the way he eats, slurps his tea, snores, unloads the dishwasher incorrectly...I can barely look at the bloke.

I've been contemplating ending my marriage for some time but it's a huge upheaval and obviously not something to do on a whim, we don't have any dependents but it will impact me financially.

Anyway reading up on it it seems it's a common thing for women to feel this way and I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through it and come out the other end? It could be that we have genuinely run our course, in which case the right thing to do would be go our separate ways, but what if it's hormonal and it's the wrong decision, it's a lot to throw away.

I've started hrt but only quite recently and obviously the current wider situation isn't helpful (both working from home for the past ten months so no escape)

It's interesting - I believe I am peri and separated from my husband as id just had enough of him and his emotional abuse and it made my head explode / seriously worried for my mental health
But he has changed in this as he's got older
He would never have reacted in ways he does now when he was younger
So whilst I think yes the peri did make me do something about it / not settle for it
He also changed as he got older
Do men have a menopause type hormone change ?
I hate the thought that it was hormones that made the difference and not in actual fact his crap behaviour
But his behaviour was crap so maybe the hormones gave me the power to do something about it

Those who say they would never live with a man again , would you live with a female friend? I often contemplate whether it could work ...

Those of you on hrt, how long does it take to have an effect? I spoke to my doctor last week as I didn't feel the estrogel was having an effect and she suggested upping the dose. I'm now feeling worse than ever and have no idea whether to stick with it or drop it altogether?!

I think if you haven't been on it for three months you need to hang in there. However, if it's making you feel worse then speak to your GP again. Have you read Dr Louise Newsom's website or listened to her podcasts? Definately worth a listen if not.

www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/

I'm on progesterone only but clearly need something more. I didn't cry today though so that's a good day.

@anascrecca

Those who say they would never live with a man again , would you live with a female friend? I often contemplate whether it could work ...

My lovely friend jokes about living in a female commune and having conjugal visits. She says she'd much prefer living with her female friends than her husband.

I'm in a similar situation. Peri, not taking hrt, But honestly I don't see why I should have to medicate when he's the problem ... Maybe I'm not a good candidate 🤔

Another one here in much the same boat.

Do I stay or do I go (or make him go?)?

I'm definitely in the same boat. Been on hrt about 9 months now and my moods are much better but I just find my husband more and more irritating.and unattractive. Have 2 young kids though so not much I can do about it. I'd like to think I'll be in a different life in 10 years time.

The thing is, how do you differentiate between hormonal low mood, DH being extra annoying, and just general feeling shit because we can't live a normal life at the moment?

I'm very scared of making life changing decisions as I just don't know what is causing me to feel so crap at the moment. All I know is that the main target of my negative thoughts is him. He hasn't changed that much, in fact I'd say he's a nicer person than he was ten years ago so why have my tolerance levels dropped so much?!

Is it because of the estrogen drop? Maybe it takes our levels of tolerance with it too.

I absolutely feel the same as you. I wish he would just go away.
At first I had PMT, and even went to the GP about it, but it’s all the time now. I feel more relaxed when he’s out of the house.💐

@yearinyearout

The thing is, how do you differentiate between hormonal low mood, DH being extra annoying, and just general feeling shit because we can't live a normal life at the moment?

I'm very scared of making life changing decisions as I just don't know what is causing me to feel so crap at the moment. All I know is that the main target of my negative thoughts is him. He hasn't changed that much, in fact I'd say he's a nicer person than he was ten years ago so why have my tolerance levels dropped so much?!

My DH is a lovely man who would do anything for me. But, he tells little lies, says he will cut down/stop drinking and doesn’t, doesn’t care about money - will spend whatever and put it on a card even though I hate credit and debt, etc I can’t stand it.

I thought my DH was lovely too...until I discovered he had secretly been watching porn. I can't believe how differently I feel. He drinks a fair bit too. I have dc in the mix. The peri. has made my tolerance level drop dramatically, I feel like a switch has been flipped and I feel cynical about men/relationships in general. I never anticipated this situation. Like one poster said, I feel better when he is out of the house/more relaxed but at the same time fear loneliness. Another one waiting for counselling.

I am in similar situation. I seemed to go off DH over night, but think it’s a combination of peri menopause and a stressful and boring year. I don’t think the combination of peri menopause and lockdown is great and it’s much easier to end up in some sort of mid life crisis.

I am also dreaming about my younger years and have even started to day dream and social media stalk an old boyfriend from 20 years ago. Compared to DH he has aged so badly I first thought he was his partner’s dad and scrolled past him in a photo, but for some mad reason I still want him (or want him to want me?).

I feel like I am going mad and just want my lovely relationship with poor DH back on track.

I am also dreaming about my younger years and have even started to day dream and social media stalk an old boyfriend from 20 years ago. Compared to DH he has aged so badly I first thought he was his partner’s dad and scrolled past him in a photo, but for some mad reason I still want him (or want him to want me?).

I've done this too. I'm not sure what it's all about - whether it is the feeling I get of being invisible and wanting to turn back the clock and have a bit more attention. Or perhaps considering what the alternative would have been i.e. that I might not have been in this mess (but who knows). I am more nostalgic in general (reflecting back). But then I think of all the positives like my lovely dcs who I might not have had if things had been different. Into the mix enters a complicating factor (porn) and I really don't know if I can ever feel the same about him again (there is more than this but not willing to discuss on-line). I am not convinced my husband is truly sorry (or understands fully why I am so upset), I think he is more sorry he got caught.

I am trying to make plans to look outward - things I can do for me which might throw more company into my path and enable me to spend more time with likeminded people (obviously once covid eases) as I feel isolated. It's ironic that I feel like I'm starting to understand myself a bit more and then I find myself knee-deep in an unhappy relationship.

I am sorry to hear others find themselves in this situation but it is a cold comfort to hear that I am not alone (I understand the feeling of going mad).