Sore bits when (trying) to have sex, despite lube

[menofanny]

Hello every have NC for this (do you like my new username?)

Post menopausal sex.

1. I have no libido
2. On a rare occasion that I did actually want sex poor DH went down and just at the moment of fireworks, I let out an involuntary fart right in his face and that was that. he was very gracious about the whole thing but I was mortified.
3. My fanjo is just so friable and gets sore so easily, even without sex. I've tried all sorts of vaginal moisturisers as recommended by the gynaecologist, changed soap, changed bath bubbles, changed washing stuff (have found Tru earth eco strips -fantastic and worthy of a whole thread in their own, but back to my sore bits for now ) . All makes no difference.

I now have to put sudocrem (magic cream) on a few times a week. When we try penetration it just burns, even with more lube added- it feels just like when I was crowning , giving birth. Ouch.

I like sex, I miss sex, I love my (very patient) DH to the moon and back. How can I fix this ? Any tips? Any stories of hope and redemption?

Owing to high breast cancer risk I can't have HRT.

Help!

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I was like you very sore etc(ok never fanny farted). Also couldn't take hrt.
I was prescribed by the doc vagifem pessary. I bought as this can't be prescribed YES vaginal moisturiser.
YES comes in a water based or oil based. This changed my life.
On there site there is a lot of information about each product.
Hopefully you can get something to help.

Ditto. It's shit isn't it? The 1000 things they don't tell you about the menopause. This is one of them. I had a smear the other day. Jesus, I nearly passed out it was so uncomfortable. My nurse said KY jelly etc will just dry it all out and we need "silk" or something, I haven't bought any as my libido is 0. My poor dh, thankfully he understands but I never thought at 50 my sex life would literally be cocoa and a good book. 😟

cross I know you say your libido is zero but try pjur original if it comes back. Silicone based lubes are better for not drying out and this one is the best.
OP I'm not sure if I'm way off the mark here but could the pain now be more about you being tense after your, er, embarrassing incident? Trying to hold anything in will make sex more difficult and therefore painful. Fwiw I'm sure you're much more mortified than your dh but I understand where you're coming from.

www.superdrug.com/Health/Health-Womens/Menopause/Menopause-Supplements/Balance-Activ-Menopause-Moisture-Pessaries-Plus/p/713522

These are longer lasting vaginal moisturisers that may help. You have to use them everyday for a few days as a 'loading dose' and then every 3 days. You can use lube as well during sex.

@menofanny You need to see your GP and get vaginal estrogen. This is very weak- using it for a year is the equivalent of 1 daily dose of HRT. it's not even classed as HRT.

What you have is really common. I've used vaginal cream for 15 years - a year or so before full HRT.

If you don't treat it, it will get worse. Lubes won't help. Estrogen changes the lining of the vagina back to normal - makes it plumper so it doesn't tear.

Vaginal estrogen can be used even if you have a high risk of breast cancer although without knowing what you mean by that, it's hard to comment- over the years there have been many women here who say they have a high risk when in fact they have assumes that rather than it being a medical decision by a meno specialist. (MANY apologies if this is not the case with you.)

PLEASE will everyone posting here read my post and also google VAGINAL ATROPHY. It's very very common and all these OTC creams and potions don't work.

If you want to read about in more detail, there is a book by Jane Lewis called MY MENOPAUSAL VAGINA and her long road to recovery to get a healthy vagina again.

@menofanny Why has your gynaecologist not given you Ovestin or Vagifem? Have you had breast cancer recently?

That is the only reason to hold off, and many oncologists/ gynaes say it's safe even if you have.

I'm sitting in bed and so grateful for so many replies so quickly. And it's good to know I'm not alone. Thankyou everyone for responding.

The HRT thing / breast cancer - I had annual mammograms from aged 40 after genetic counselling re increased risk, so GP advised HRT was probably too high risk for me.

I will try the longer term vag moisturisers and pessaries and talk to GP - I've been putting that off as I have other health issues and pretty fed up of doctors, plus in 2 recent over the phone GL consultations my kids have had (not fanny related!) they were asked to,send photos. I have a totally irrational fear that they will ask for a fanny photo to diagnose.

And it was a bottom fart, not a fanny fart (I have Crohn's disease so bottom burps are very common but usually better controlled !)

I'm off to boots later to stock up on stuff.

@JinglingHellsBells I will read up on that thanks

@menofanny Using vaginal estrogen which amounts to 1mg over a whole year is not going to give you cancer, IMO based on what I've read and listened to (podcasts) by menopause specialists. Your GP is not an expert and their opinion contradicts guidance.

Just as an example, the broadcaster Kirsty Lang has gone back onto FULL Hrt after breast cancer and resumed vaginal estrogen long before that- she's interviewed on Liz Earle's wellbeing site on this.

Have we 'chatted ' before on here about your risk? It sounds familiar (maybe under another name or on General Health?)

Do you have the BRAC gene?

Truly if you are so sore, over the counter stuff doesn't work. I hate to quash your hopes!

@JinglingHellsBells maybe but I deffo name changed today as my DD is on here and knows my username. I'd hate for her to stumble on this.

I think I need to go back to the gynae lady who, to be fair, said try other things and come back if not working. It sounds like the low levels of oestrogen in the pessaries will be OK and I'll try that - all medicine is about balancing risks and benefits. I just can't see me spending the next 30 years with no sex- it would make me very miserable and sad.

Full HRT is still off my list though - as well as increased risk from hereditary stuff (not braca but just a lot of BC and other cancer in both sides of family) , my long term crohns significantly increases my cancer risks, and TBH the pill and mirena coil always messed with my emotions and turned me into a madwoman. I remember going to the gp one day with the mirena in and saying 'just get it out of me, it feels like my skin is full of poison and sweat and I feel blocked and a bit crazy'. She took it out there and then and I felt better within a couple of weeks, it could be psychosomatic but my instinct was just telling me to get it out of my body right now! Weird but I'm a believer in listening to your inner voice (I'm very rational with everything else in life so this is a rare exception)

So off the the gp to request a gynae referral. Goody, more doctors.

The latest thinking on HRT and estrogen is that estrogen does not cause breast cancer. They think that it may promote the growth of an existing cancer that would have shown up anyway in time.

This is by consultant gynae Dr Currie on her site.

www.menopausematters.co.uk/blogpost-breast-cancer-%20and-hrt.php

It's your choice, but just be aware that you yourself have not had BC. You have a risk (other cancers amongst extended family are not a risk factor anyway.)

Two first degree relatives who have it young (mother and sister) is the accepted medical risk factor but quality of life over statistical risk is something to consider discussing with a specialist (and not all gynaes are menopause specialists!)

Thanks for posting this, Fanny ; I could have written it (possibly not the fart!!), including the bit about the mirena and the psycho effects of hormone treatments /contraceptions which have made me wildly averse to HRT-menopause is bad enough already without turning into the first Mrs Rochester again... I’ll be really interested to see if you get a good result.

@MrsWooster Just for info...

HRT is completely different to oral contraception and the Mirena.

The estrogen in hrt is body -identical which means exactly the same molecular structure as your own and it's made from yams.

This is something a lot of women don't appreciate and make decisions on not having the right information. :)

@jingle you are a mine of information! Yams!

Yes indeed- yams! Maybe read the website of Dr Louise Newson? It's full of info. (FWIW I write professionally on women's health for websites etc and talk to all these experts as well as my own consultant, which is where I'm coming from with this.)

Please try ‘Yes’ moisturiser it helps me enormously. You can buy it online or get it prescribed by the Dr.

Thanks, Jingle that’s interesting-I assumed it was levels of hormone, rather than its origins. Bit gutted that I’ve roughed it out through grim meno now..!

Just dropping in to add another vote for asking about vagifem.

Makes all the difference to a gloomy November Saturday afternoon.

@MrsWooster HRT is nothing like the Pill which in comparison is a huge dose of synthetic hormones designed to stop ovulation. HRT doesn't even get your own levels up to pre-meno levels.

And as I said earlier (and this is on Louise Newson's site as it's common medical info) a whole year of vaginal estrogen= one day of full HRT.

Ovestin worked for me.
Second what @ErrolTheDragon said

@ErrolTheDragon that sounds like a marvellous ways to spend an Saturday Locked down afternoon. Unfortunately I had house full of kids to contend with

Thanks for answering my question Jingling.