Perimenopause and Young Dc

[Daphnesmate01]

So, for various reasons, some beyond my control I had my last two children later in life. 2 years after having my final dc, I seemed to have plunged head long into the peri (or at least symptoms seems to have increased). I don't take hrt, (I don't want to enter that debate) and have a pre-schooler and primary age dc plus one older child.
My younger dc are just being young children (sometimes I get used as a climbing frame etc.) and one is very energetic and enthusiastic about life.

Symptoms include long heavy periods (internal scans bloods performed, nothing of concern, loss of energy - take iron tablets for anaemia), foggy head, insomnia and increased mood swings.

Anyone else facing similar? Sometimes I feel really awful like I'm not actually there for my dc (emotionally) and have to work doubly hard to make sure I'm present, play with them etc. when quite often all I want to do is crawl into a corner somewhere. I remind myself I'm doing the best I can but parenting often feels so draining. We have no external support = zero. My dh is good with dc but works full-time and this is more about me than him.

I can't help much. but I had my DD at 40. now 51 and like you I have found it very hard due to lack of energy, mood swings etc. When my DD was little, it wax all I could do to keep my eyes open some afternoons. like you I had no help as family live in a different town. It is easier now she is a bit older. I feel bad looking back..I wish I had had more energy to play with her. .but I did my best.

Would you consider a Mirena or similar to prevent the heavy bleeds and anaemia?

Thanks Just. I think hearing other peoples stories helps. Motherhood always comes with guilt I think. Up until the peri started to really kick in, I used to pride myself that I was fairly energetic and relatively young looking. Peri has a habit of adding lines and grey hair accumulating by the day (can obviously change the latter) and I used to have the mentality of 'I've got this'. Now, I feel more like I've got to push through.

Actually what iron do you take....I was prescribed 20 mg .(though you don't need a prescription .its much higher than mamy iron tablets.

200 mg not 20mg

And Yes, I have an older dc too (teens) and it is way easier when dealing with the peri, partially because at least I can explain (and also because I don't have to run around like a lunatic/human climbing frame days have passed).

I remember your other recent post Daphne. If you are anti-HRT then maybe look into all the alternative options? No guarantee they will work - and they def won't work for heavy periods- but you might get something to help with mood swings.

I know I asked before why you won't consider HRT and you didn't say, but IF by any chance it's some of the 'HRT myths' (for want of a better word, like it's made from horse pee etc ) then just make sure you're up to date with recent research etc. Only saying this because I've seen so many posts here over the years from women who believe a lot of stuff which is out of date.

acupuncture, mindfulness and meditation might help.

I wanted to say I completely know how you feel OP. I had DS at 41 and am now 48 and have worsening peri symptoms. I find it exhausting and like you just want to crawl into a corner. My last period was so bad I spent 2 days in bed. I'm snappy, tearful and unbelievably I'm more broody than ever!
The gp prescribed Evorel HRT but I haven't started it yet. The first side effects listed are 3 major cancers
I have never reacted well to the pill or coil or injection..I just don't know what to do.
It is like you say totally draining. I remember in my early 40s I had lots of energy and now I long to feel that way again. I

I never had a second dc as one was enough and we never had the money or a secure house. I kick myself now as I think it's my fault DS only has us to play with.
Anyway i hope you're ok. I just wanted to say you're not alone

Hi Boosey. Sorry to hear you feel this way too. You are only a little bit older than me (a year or two). I have also never reacted well to the pill or anything hormone related. At the moment I'm trying different meds to counteract symptoms - amitriptyline for the insomnia and a beta blocker for the anxiety (which I only use when I'm feeling bad). I prefer to tackle it this way, it's not ideal but it helps but everyone must do what suits them.

I can understand your wish for a second child. I say this having 3 dc but in between all that I was told I was unlikely to have any further dc without treatment after my first and then at 40 I had a late miscarriage which was devastating, so my dc did not come easily, it was like being on a rollercoaster of emotions for years. I had my last dc by some miracle when I was nearly 44. What I have learnt (probably only recently) is that for every situation there are pros and cons and for what it's worth my eldest who was an only child for 7 years was happy with her situation and never felt the urge for a sibling. Still, I know the feeling of wanting another child all too well and it's a difficult thing to grapple with.

My eyesight has deteriorated too. Just feel like I have aged over the past year or so, whereas never felt like that before. Eek, it's starting to sound like I've created my own pity party but heh, it's good to have a moan from time to time. On the plus side, when my brain isn't foggy, I have found myself to be far more creative, it's like I'm getting to know another side of myself which has far more substance than when I was in my 20's and 30's.

I have also never reacted well to the pill or anything hormone related.

The Pill is not even slightly like HRT. just for information.

Modern HRT is exactly the same as the estrogen we have ourselves, which falls off in peri and causes all those symptoms. The way to treat them is by putting estrogen back.
This is the guidance and medical advice from NICE.

It's a personal choice of course but NICE has stated very clearly what GPs should and should not prescribe, taking into account all the research and risks of other drugs.

@Daphnesmate01.. thanks for your kind words. I've only just found your msg.
Yes it's certainly got harder to accept the older I get. I know at 48 it's not going to happen. I just need to find a way through these worsening symptoms.
Sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I had two early ones and that put me off ttc so we had a surprise pregnancy when I was 40 and never again had another.
That's interesting you have had sudden deterioration of eyesight. I have had the same and am fighting having to wear glasses! I have the brain fog almost permanently. That's a good part of it though..your newfound creativity. What sort of stuff do you like doing? I used to write short stories.
Btw how are you getting on with your meds?

Boosey. I have written a novel (to be self published early next year). I often pop up on the creative writing forum - asking lots of irritating questions!
Meds are going well so far, thank you, they help with a few of the symptoms. I'm planning to try one or two others.

@Daphnesmate01.. that's brilliant, well done! My DM self published her novels.
We used to write together. I miss her loads.
Glad the meds are working. I plan to start HRT when the next period starts as it says start the course 3 days into your period.

Good luck Boosey, with the HRT. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, you obviously have lovely memories of her x

@Daphnesmate01. Thanks, yes it was mostly lovely . Starting HRT in 2 weeks ...eek!

I completely empathise OP. I'm mid 40s with 4yo DTs and it is exhausting. We do have PIL nearby to help, but they are in their 70s now and not in great health themselves, so can only really look after one DC at a time. I think if I had a proper break even occasionally then it would make such a difference!

I had a traumatic birth, DP has been much less supportive and hands on than he promised, and I need to lose a fair bit of weight... all these combined with very heavy periods (as part of peri) mean I struggle for energy.

I'm glad you can talk to your older DC about it; my DM & I haven't been close since I was a teenager. With hindsight I can see that she was my age now going through health issues with two teenage DC and a disabled toddler DC, plus trying to hold down a full time job in a time far before the internet etc for support... but at the time it just felt like she hated me, I was a nuisance and the best thing to do was stay out of the way, which I pretty much did till I left home.

Hi Ruby, you learn there are pros and cons to everything in life pro= we don't have to worry financially (obviously if we aren't silly about money) con is stuff like this = peri. I was doing okay until last year and then niggles set in, just grateful my health is generally okay. I was chasing dcs around the other day feeling grateful I could still actually do it! Having said that some older people are extremely fit - they exercise a lot and that is one thing I need to bear in mind = to make sure I do exercise of one kind or another (definitely not a runner!)

I know what you mean @Daphnesmate01. I was always very fit and healthy pre-DC but the birth and subsequent health issues have knocked me for six... just as the DC are about to start school and I get a few hours to myself, I feel so shattered that all I want to do is rest! But yes, luckily we are ok with money (we don't do anything massively extravagant - DP is self employed, so we're always careful, but mostly ok) and hopefully in time I can join the ranks of the older ladies who are always swimming/ at yoga/ going dancing!

Ruby, I think I'm going to put it on my list...to do more exercise, I cycled a mile today and my legs are aching. I've got to build my fitness back up...it's going to hurt at first but when youngest dc starts pre-school, it will be easier to find time to carve out for exercise which isn't at the top of my priorities.

I hear you. I am 49 and had my DD at 40. My peri menopausal symptoms have been rumbling along for at least a year really but I would say in the last 3 months they have got progressively worse. Its the insomnia and brain fog I find the hardest. Its like a vicious circle. I wake up early, can't get back to sleep so become irritable and anxious in the day. Then, because I am anxious the whole waking up early thing starts all over again.

I do feel guilty that I don't have the energy that I would like for my 8 year old DD and also have zero help as my DM is elderly and my late DH's family live too far away to help.

After reading some of the other peri menopause threads though I have decided to do something this week and call the dr for an appointment and am keeping my fingers crossed that HRT might be what I am looking for.

Nice to know that I am not alone. Big hugs to everyone going through this.

Hi Topsy, sorry to hear you are in the same boat. Please post again if you do take HRT, to let us know whether it makes a difference.

It sounds as if you don't have much support from extended family either. I can see how it is so much easier going through this with older children (I have a 14 year old dc, so much easier, not so much energy required, though emotional input required.)

I'm mid-40s now and been in Peri-meno for about the last 5 years since my youngest was 4. I also have pernicious anaemia which used to leave me on the floor with exhaustion. Plus my DH worked away during the weak so I was solo parenting 3 kids. It's crushingly difficult. I feel like I'm starting to emerge a little bit now from the utter overwhelming tiredness. I would urge anyone though to get a blood test first before assuming all symptoms are due to menopause - just in case there is also something else going on that can be treated.
I cried with relief when I found I had pernicious anaemia because there was something actually wrong and I wasn't just being a bit rubbish.

My dc are 15 months apart. I had my secing when I was 32 then crashed straight into peri. I had my last period when I was about 34.

It was beyond awful. I just felt really overwhelmed by really small stuff. The worst was the anxiety and the insomnia. The anxiety would start at about a couple of hours before I woke and would peak in the morning.

HRT changed everything for me. I suffered for 10 years and only got sorted last july. I literally have no anxiety and I sleep properly once more. I've got my confidence back as well, I had no idea how badly my confidence had been battered til i felt okay again. Looking back, I deeply regret struggling through my childrens early years without decent hrt.

FWIW, I'm not a huge fan of the pill and I didnt particularly get on with a combi pill hrt my gp gave me at first. I'm now on transdermal estrogen, a gel I apply to my skin and that had been really amazing for me.

Good luck. I wish you well, I know it's hard.

ifeellikeanidiot Do you take progesterone alongside the estrogen gel?

Nobody really talks about this in real life, you are told about your periods beginning but nothing prepares you for peri/meno unless you have a mother or older female relatives who actually talk about these things, which I haven't. I have always suffered from anxiety, so it is difficult to distinguish what is peri and what is usual. However my anxiety peaked a year or so ago and was awful in the mornings, it seems to have calmed back down a bit.

I have 2 kids, and I’ve been taking HRT since I was 44. My sister is few years older and I saw how she completely went down a hole trying to parent her child (also had when she was 40) whilst coping with peri-menopause. She’s gone the natural route by choosing to not work reducing her stress, to focus on parenting and she’s slowly coming out the other side with no periods for a year I can see the difference in her massively reduced paranoia and calmer moods, but she still has hot flushes.
I honestly think I’d have lost my job or gone bonkers from brain fog and anxiety (which I never suffered from pre-40s), with out using oestrogen gel along with Mirena coil. It gives me the stability to then work on fitness and more recently a healthier diet. I took up running in my 40s, and taught myself frontcrawl after years of head out water breastroke. I’ve done several small triathlons and This year I’ve had sea swimming lessons as cold water swimming also helps. Exercise keeps my sanity by giving me head space plus a shared pursuits with my sporty kids too. I’m still a size 16 though...

Don’t discount HRT, my sil did (a cancer specialist nurse ) but after a year of hellish hormones trying Anti-ds and nearly quitting her job, she too is now trying HRT.