Has anyone ended their marriage after entering menopause?

[BloomingGoodTea]

Anyone feel like me? My mother (RIP) divorced my dad at my age (48) so not sure if she went through this.

I feel like a different person. I posted the other week about our sexless marriage (11 years now). I just went off it with him but now, since my periods stopped suddenly in 2017, I am often ‘in need’ but I still couldn’t touch him with a barge pole. He was rubbish at it anyway (no passion from him) but the ten year age gap doesn’t help as I see him as an old man! We have zero in common except the kids. I spend my days away from him.

I am increasingly unhappy and frustrated.
Sleeping in the spare room - have done 2 years - which is making me unhappy (not that I want to go back in the master room) as it’s a box room! I work hard! Deserve better! And, very good looking for my age! We are at opposite ends of the page in this story of life.

Two kids...16 and 12.

I have the opportunity to leave and end it...should I? Would you?

My partner left me when I diagnosed with early meno at 42. He pushed me to have fertility treatments with donor eggs despite my feelings. I have a new partner now who loves and respects me more and feel grateful for it! Don’t spent your life with someone who doesn’t love or respect you! Kisses!

I have the opportunity to leave and end it...should I? Would you?

@BloomingGoodTea What do you mean by this?

Have you met someone?

From the description of your marriage, it seems to have been dead for years, so leave in order for both of you to have a chance to enjoy life.

Just make sure it's not out of the fat into the frying pan.

Leave if your marriage is over, don't jump because someone has turned your head and you're rushing into something head first.

You should have ended your marriage years ago. I think you've wasted enough time, don't you? You have many, many years ahead of you, make them happy ones.

If you are unhappy and feel unloved then yes you should leave. What does that look like for the children?

I did. It's fine and I am happy. I'm glad I dud. Leaving was easy. You've done the hard part already - the unhappy years beforehand

No, we are mortgage free now and he has just inherited money and a house. I’ve been promoted too. Both in good, financial, positions.

I agree, yes - I have wasted time but that was more to do with parents being ill ( now all RIP) and bringing up small children at the same time. It was tough (2 grandparents had cancer and very elderly).
Plus, I wanted the financial security.
I have been unhappy for years but it’s having the guts to go.

I think I’ve tried to pretend everything was ok but it isn’t 😟

More to the point, why woudnt you?

I think the menopause, and erratic hormones, has made my feelings worse. But, it has opened up Pandora’s box for me and I am viewing my marriage in a different way and realising how unhappy and empty it is!

I’m too nice, I guess. Protecting the happiness of others, rather than my own. It isn’t working as I am switching off in a variety of areas of my life.

But if your children know you are sleeping in the box room and pick up the signals your marriage is not happy, you aren't protecting their happiness at all. They will be living in a tense household with an unhappy mum whether they show that or not.

Look at the pros and cons and if its all or mostly pros for leaving then you have your answer. And sacrificing your happiness for others isnt a good idea, there is only so long you can do that before having serious mental health issues, and no one benefits from that.

Your life sounds miserable, it sounds as if your marriage has been under strain for a long time. Nothing in common AND awful sex - that's quite damning. Face it, you are just housemates. But what would you be leaving for - another man? You don't elaborate Personally, I would only leave a rotten marriage if I could be financially independent and have my own place - new partner or not.

Tbh, I’d rather spend time on my own (joint responsibility for the kids, of course).

If your marriage is beyond hope, if you have the opportunity to create two happy, separate homes for your children, and you would both be more content, then it's obvious that you should go your own ways. The kids know you sleep in the box room. Surely they are aware, at their ages, that you are 'separated' anyway?

Not sure why your staying with the pot guy let him go and let him meet someone nice your very full of how wonderful you are and how awful he is
Anyone who states I’m very good looking to me is needing to maybe take stick at how they are.

@meme70 Where on this thread does @BloomingGoodTea say she is very good looking? Are you posting on the right thread?

Ah, I see- very good looking for her age.

So? Fair comment is someone has made an effort with their appearance.