I'm not sure whether to post this in mental health or here as I'm pretty sure I'm rapidly heading toward the menopause but basically I feel like I am struggling to parent. 3 dcs of varying ages, one dc with possible behavioural problems (tried to seek help but dc didn't seem to tick enough boxes, just flamboyant child) and a teenager who is constantly negatively comparing themselves to others (I am concerned she is developing social phobia which is something I suffered and I'm blaming myself). On top of this I am trying to deal with issues relating to my relationships with both my dm and dh (awaiting therapy when lockdown eases). I feel like my dc with possible behavioural issues is constantly testing me whilst craving attention - I'm spending time trying to deal with their behaviour and then expected to play with them happily whilst feeling rung out and craving alone time...and then reflecting how lonely I feel. I feel like with my eldest, I am constantly trying to bolster their self esteem and keeping my fingers crossed things don't develop into more serious mental health issues and again it feels like a bottomless pit and I feel drained. Pre-school dc seems easier by comparison. I have my own hormonal/anxiety life issues I'm trying to work out/manage and between it all, I am feeling strung out. I have had my dcs later in life and of course now I have headed into a change of hormones everything feels 10 x worse. Tried hrt but I honestly don't think it helped. Investigating other possibilities such as dhea/beta blockers and anti-depressants. Honestly feel like I've reached a low point where all I seem to do is moan and have nothing to look forward to (stuck in the same old cycle, I realise lockdown isn't helping that and living in the moment is great but all the moments seem the same). I gave up work to be able to be there for dcs more but I honestly don't think that has helped, I probably should have scaled back to part-time and used after school clubs but hindsight is a wonderful thing (the nature of my previous job was changing = longer hours and less rewarding plus trying to juggle child care x3 and not on a particularly high wage). Feel at a crossroads at the moment, middle aged, trying to parent, trying to deal with existential crisis. Anyone relate?