No libido

[GoneOffIt]

I'm fairly sure I'm in perimenopause: I'm 48. Still regular as clockwork, sooooo ready for periods to stop (but haven't missed one, feel doomed to be some kind of medical wonder who gets them until age 100). Hot flushes began six years ago. Sleep is 3-6 hours a night. Hair thinning. Becoming completely antisocial. Etc.

I take DIM (diindolylmethane) to keep my estrogen levels down, because I have fibroids that were making me housebound during incredibly heavy periods. The fibroids have shrunk and no longer destroy my life or my clothing; my fibrocystic breast lumps have gone away; it's all much better.

I've also begun taking Vitex, which has turned out to be a complete wonder-pill for heavy periods: they're completely manageable now, and I'm no longer scared to leave the house. So that's the good news.

But I now have no sex drive at all. I don't know if it's linked to the DIM and/or Vitex, but I'm not willing to find out: I can't go back to bleeding the way I was. Maybe low libido is just part of perimenopause. Is it?

It's awful. I mean it's not awful for me. I'd happily get cosy in bed and read until I fall asleep every night for the rest of my life. But I have a partner, and I can't just say to him that I don't want to have sex with him any more.

I'm feeling less attracted to him, too. I've always thought the male body looks nicer with clothes on than without, and he looks gorgeous when dressed. He's in great shape, and a very attractive man. But he sleeps naked, and I wish he wouldn't. I actually feel something like revulsion now when his naked bum gets into bed every night or his dangly bits dangle past me at eye level when he gets up to switch a light off or whatever.

And that's why this is awful. Anyone would be devastated if asked to cover their body and denied sex. We usually communicate really well about everything; we're a good team; we've had a long, long, happy relationship. But this is a tricky one to talk about without making him feel bad.

I also feel weird about finding some sort of supplement to boost my libido just to make me artificially want sex again when I'm really happy without it.

Is anyone else out there going through similar, or, if you've been through this, does the libido come back post-menopause?

Sadly, not in my experience. (sorry RL friends if TMI). But what I have learned is that if DH wasn't here I wouldn't bother, but that once I get going I do still enjoy sex, and it's important to him, so I just get on with it. Something like jumping into a cold swimming pool on a hot day. Lovely once you're in.

But I miss my libido.

Thank you for replying! I'm sorry you miss your libido. It's good that you enjoy sex once it's started, and I'll think of that as a ray of hope for the future.

I don't enjoy it at the moment. I still do it, for him, but don't like it. He's a fan of long sloppy kisses, which makes me feel bored and grossed out now.

Argh. It's such a sudden change. I'm going to have to go to Holland & Barrett or wherever and find something to make me want it again.

Gone, it sounds to me like your loss of libido is more related with your body image and your confidence and less due to hormones or your partner.

diindolylmethane Is this a prescribed drug?
Vitex is chasteberry isnt it ( haha- clue in the name!) aka agnus castus.

I wonder why you are taking a drug to supress estrogen? Rather than using the Mirena coil for heavy periods? Or the Pill or mini pill?

I'd be slightly concerned if I were you to be using something anti-estrogen from 42 as it might impact on your bone density ( peri at 42 is early anyway.)

Also having regular cycles is no guarantee you are ovulating- you can have anovular cycles.

The 'treatment' for loss of libido in women is testosterone. However you can't get it on the NHS from most GPs- it has to be from a consultant and often prescribed privately.

Given you complex issues with the fibroids, can you ask for a referral to a gynae and discuss all of this?

Google Panay he's a gynae and meno expert) and testosterone for women- lots online.

Emerald, while I would love to think my libido could be restored with a bit of counselling, in my personal experience (and that of friends in the same situation) it is a very physical thing - it feels like not being able to taste chocolate any more.

I think it's important to acknowledge that decline of libido on menopause is very real and very common. Also that we're not 'broken' for not being that interested in sex any more and don't need 'mending' in order to be more like men or younger women.

Of course it's a relationship issue - especially in a world where sexual happiness is seen as integral to a successful relationship - so it's worth addressing. But if it was that simple someone would have made a bucketload of cash out of it by now.

@Emerald13, why do you think it's related to body image and confidence issues?

@JinglingHellsBells, DIM is available to buy online. I'll try to get a referral to a gynaecologist: that's a good idea. Thank you!

@Purplewithred that's a perfect description: like not being able to taste chocolate any more. So well put. It's made me feel a lot better knowing that someone out there understands exactly :)

@Goneoffit since I looked at your posts I've also looked a DIIm. Not being nasty but there is no real evidence these herbal things work (believe me, I read research on health stuff for my work) and it can be all smoke and mirrors.

It is QUITE possible that your reduced bleeding is down to your own loss of ovarian function - shown by 6 yrs of flushes, poor sleep, hair changes- and nothing to do with the stuff from H&B!

Your periods can easily be happening with no ovulation.

Having quite severe peri symptoms at 42 is early ( average age for periods stopping is 51- I stopped at 53) and you may be at risk from diseases linked to early menopause (even though you are still bleeding.)

The British Menopause Society had a list of specialists on their website - there will be one nr you.

@JinglingHellsBells don't worry about sounding nasty: not taken that way at all :) The reduced bleeding is definitely due to the DIM. I had a fibroid about the size of a tangerine, and wanted to explore alternatives to surgery, so I ended up reading about and trying DIM. In just a few months, the fibroid halved in size.

Then I got complacent, and stopped taking DIM. Fibroid grew back; bleeding became horrific again.

I went back on the DIM, and the fibroid's shrinking and the bleeding is at a manageable level. It works for me, so I'm really happy with it. It's been life-changing.

Stopping incredibly heavy bleeding once a month really is my most pressing health issue. When the fibroid was at its largest, I'd go through a freshly applied XL tampon, maxi-pad, period-proof underwear, and thick woollen trousers in just 20 minutes on a school run. Clothes completely soaked. I became so anaemic that I'd lose feeling in my lower legs and have to hang on to lamp posts for fear of passing out. I got away with just three regular pads a day on my last period: the difference is incredible.

(I haven't had six years of continuous flushes: I had my first at 42, but found that giving up sugar made them stop, and have had very few since. The fibroid caused me far, far worse health issues than perimenopause has.)

Anyway. I'll try to see a gynaecologist. GP is completely uninterested in all this stuff. I went to him describing heart palpitations, heavy blood loss, terrifying dizziness etc and he shrugged and said "It's just periods." 😂

Thank you for replying to me :) x

My libido never came back. Once i found my husband repulsive that was it. We're divorced now and I'm glad because if he had pestered me for sex just one more time I would have killed him so now I have a lovely cosy bedroom and read and watch tv before going to sleep.
I liked being married but once the libido went the marriage went.
Unfortunately you can't just pop out and get the female equivalent of viagra, nothing works.
In america they prescribe testosterone which works but that isn't available over here. It's a travesty but the english medical profession does not see menopausal lack of libido as a problems which is why so many marriages fall apart at this time.

I'm feeling less attracted to him, too. I've always thought the male body looks nicer with clothes on than without, and he looks gorgeous when dressed. He's in great shape, and a very attractive man. But he sleeps naked, and I wish he wouldn't.
Sometimes the way we perceive the body of our partner is connected with the way we feel about him and the way we see our body.

@GoneOffIt If this supplement, made from broccoli, actually worked, why would women not have it on the NHS- or even suggested by private gynaes? Sorry but I think it's acting either as a placebo in some way or the months you are using it have coincided with no ovulation.
Truly, if it did work, no women would be offered ablation of the lining, the Mirena coil or surgical removal of a fibroid or a hysterectomy.

AND if it does work by supressing estrogen it can do a lot of harm to your bones, brain and heart- which are the risks of early menopause.

As explained here....

www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/By_the_way_doctor_What_does_Indolplex_do

Link might not work but here is the summary

There may eventually be a place for DIM and related plant-derived chemicals in cancer prevention and treatment. But there is not enough information about all of their actions and little evidence of their effectiveness and safety. There's no scientific evidence that Indolplex will promote good health, and it could theoretically be harmful for some groups of women.

In women of reproductive age and especially in pregnant women, it seems ill advised to block estrogen activity because potent estrogens are needed to nourish breast, endometrial, and bone tissue. Also, a drug that reduces estrogen activity could interfere with oral contraceptives. In postmenopausal women, estrogen levels are so low that changing the ratio of estrogen metabolites may have little effect. At best, it might be useless; at worst, it could promote osteoporosis by reducing the small amounts of available estrogen that help maintain bone density.

We need to learn a lot more about DIM and related compounds from controlled human studies before the supplements can be recommended to large numbers of women. But there's no risk in eating lots of cruciferous vegetables — and ample evidence of its benefit. The dollars you spend on Indolplex are probably better spent on broccoli and its relatives.

@madcatladyforever testosterone gel is available in the UK and on the NHS. It is not licensed for women so understandably GPs will not initiate it. However hospital consultants will. I've been on it for the last 2 years as recommended by the consultant at my NHS menopause clinic. My GP prescribes it and measures my testosterone levels periodically.

Trumpisaflump... I’m in a similar battle with my doctor, but to get a consultants appointment i have to be referred ? Do I not ? How did you get you referral
Ive asked husband to buy me some gel online, as I’ve discovered sites wont sell to female email address.
My surgery does not have a dedicated menopause clinic

Unfortunately you can't just pop out and get the female equivalent of viagra, nothing works.In america they prescribe testosterone which works but that isn't available over here

@madcatladyforever IT IS available here! There are loads of women using it, and they post about it on the forum of Menopause Matters.

@Thesuzle you can see an consultant privately - check out your local private hospitals. They will charge around £250 for an appt then you ought to be able to get the testosterone prescribed in the long term by your GP if they agree.

@Thesuzle my GP surgery doesn't have a menopause clinic either. Does your local hospital trust not run a menopause clinic? My GP referred me to the hospital menopause clinic as I had an early menopause and low libido. It was fab. The consultant (gynaecologist I presume, can't remember) spent an hour with me discussing all my issues. She wrote to my GP recommending testosterone therapy with a suggested dosage and how often to monitor bloods and my GP has prescribed it ever since.
If you don't have a secondary care menopause clinic then yes I suppose you would need to see a private consultant.

@trumpisaflump I saw something on Twitter recently where a dr (think it was Dr Louise Newson) saying there are only 78 NHS meno clinics in the whole of the UK. Very few and far between.

@JinglingHellsBells really? That's absolutely awful! I guess I'm lucky as I only waited a few weeks for an appointment at mine.

I’m 52 peri menopausal and my libido is non existent I don’t see me ever getting it back, what also worries me is vaginal atrophy, according to the NHS we should be having regular sex to help stop atrophy....... I don’t want it, even if Brad Pitt begged me for it. It sounds dramatic but I really feel dead inside, it’s awful.

I too had no idea that clinics were so few and far between, and that you would have to see a consultant to get prescription. Interesting.

@Oblomov20 @trumpisaflump This is a map of clinics and consultants, from the British Menopause Society's site.

As you will see, it's NHS and private clinics.

thebms.org.uk/find-a-menopause-specialist/

@BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo I'm stating the obvious here but have you tried vaginal oestrogen?

Thank you Trump, there are no issues at the moment, I’m just worried problems will occur in the future.