Even the THOUGHT of sex makes me angry

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I don't know how best to explain this.

My partner is ASD so doesn't 'do' cuddling or any form of intimacy other than sex, so I thought that may have contributed, however, since I passed clear through meno (I'm nearly 59), even the thought or mention of sex makes me really angry! Not just suggestions from partner (who I don't live with, or sleep with now - my instigation) but mentions in song lyrics or books or suggestive remarks from other people! I find myself thinking 'oh for God's sake!' if I hear pretty much ANYTHING that refers to sex.

I'd prefer to want it, but last time I had sex (with the aforementioned not exactly overly concerned partner) it hurt, and that put me off too.

So how do I stop being a raging mass of grrrrrrrrr if anyone so much as mentions a smutty weekend away?

The painful sex is awful - it's called vaginal atrophy and is due to dryness and the walls of the vagina thinning. You can try suppositories ...

Thanks fish, I was using that lube cream that you put in once every three days. Was definitely not dry, but still painful (higher up, iyswim).

But the sheer aggression that the mention of sex brings on started earlier than this - the painful sex wasn't the cause.

If it makes you feel better, the levels of sheer rage and despair that the beginnings of menopause have brought for me (aged 47) made me request a bipolar screening...

You see, otherwise I'm pretty much as usual. I've had no other real symptoms of the menopause, no sweats, no change of temperament, nothing! So I'd count myself among the lucky ones - if it weren't for this violent aversion to sex!

I felt like all the things I’d been coping with and suppressing built pressure up like a kettle and I could no longer tolerate anything at all. Least of all being touched. It was like my body was the only part of myself that I still had ownership of, and only just..... Every little thing was one thing too much, and it made me rage. HRT is helping, but I’d still rather chew off my own leg than have sex, but there are deeper issues at work, too.

That's fascinating, justlou1. I don't have a problem with being touched, but, since there's no physical affection in my relationship, I can't swear to it that part of the anger isn't to do with the fact the DP doesn't do 'touching' unless sex is involved.

I can't divorce my feelings of resentment about this issue from my newfound dislike of sex.

I have to admit that I wondered that from what you described with your relationship.... but then, I feel like they all interpret physical affection as a signal that you want to jump their bones!

He's ASD, justlou1, so doesn't 'get' that you can have affection without sex. There are a lot of issues with the relationship, but as we live apart and don't see each other that often now, it's not such a major point.

It's when I'm reading a book or watching a film and a couple start kissing and groping and I find the rage rising and myself thinking 'oh for god's sake, there's more to life than sex!'

Nobody else is interested enough for me to try out whether it applies to anyone who makes a move on me!

I understand that, OP - but in this context, I suspect they all are - or push the envelope to embrace that side of their brain. I am married and have been with mine for what feels like a million years. I have three teenagers and a large, anxious dog. I carry the load for all of them as well. (We have moved a lot in the last few years.). I'm tired, studying full-time, have had a LOT happen in the last few years, emotional stuff of my own that he's not been around to deal with due to his own stuff (His father has Asperger's and I wonder about him too, sometimes, so I'm not unfamiliar with what you describe!). I just feel like it's one more thing I "owe" him (in his mind - because he seems to get a lot more out of this relationship than I do, I guess.....).