Can someone please give me some advice.

[fuddle]

Started hrt 3 months ago and felt better, then started different patches were another make but same thing so I had to use them. When I went to my gp at first I said I wasn't sure whether my mood swings were hormone related or just how I was feeling.
On Sunday I felt down then OK and feeling crap today. Sunday was fathers day and my DP spent time with his grown up DD fair enough so I didn't see him much for almost a week. Some days we chat a lot on text and messenger. He usually texts me good morning and we chat on and off during the day but sometimes not. Today I answered his text but got no reply which isn't unusual but I'm just feeling so crap. I don't have any doubts about the relationship but can't work out why I'm upset. Ultimately I don't want to take things out on him as he has nothing to do with how I am feeling. I'm going out soon then swimming how do I distract myself.

Well the HRT should settle the hormones somewhat, but I still feel fairly crap on the progestogen bit, but great on the oestrogen.
There are other reasons you can be depressed as well as hormones and menopause. Maybe youre down about life and your relationship. I think this time of life can bring up all sorts of dissatisfactions and regrets

Crikey. It's a bugger isn't it? I felt like I was going mad. It's really good that you are recognising that this is part of your own set of meno symptoms. I went through 14 years of peri and it was a real challenge.

Hang on in there and do keep an eye on your symptoms, and go back to your GP (or health provider) as you may need to adjust your prescription. In the meantime, sending you a big hug.

Thanks so much. I just felt so tearful and now have this kind of period! I will keep a diary. I find I'm better when I'm out. I left my DH 18 months ago and sometimes struggle being alone. I'm trying really hard though. Exercising socialising got a new job. Everything is good no really reason to complain. . Sometimes my DP has been out of line on things and I'll pull him up as I am normally laid back. I'm so grateful for Yr replies.

Aw, sweetie. That's rough. And 18 months isn't that long after a marriage break-up. You'll still be healing from that.

Please remember that being alone is better than being in a crap relationship. Try to rediscover some of that young, free and single joie de vivre. (Easier said than done with rampaging hormones I know.)

I couldn't tolerate the patches so used the topical gel which worked better for me. Wine also works quite well.

We had really grown apart but the thing that gets to me is that nothing was discussed. I told my DH it wasn't working and he agreed but would not discuss our marriage. I think he wanted out. Anyway these moods don't last long before you are OK and initially I felt great on the patches but feel as if I've regressed. Thanks for Yr support.

That's very upsetting and makes you question the whole marriage. Then meno kicks in and we start thinking, hang on a mo, is that it? Is that what I did with my life?

I found myself focussing on such stupid negative things and I've had to really pull my socks up and make a conscious effort to get my shit together. I never used to be like this. It's like my brain had been hijacked.

Have a great swim!

Yes think about how we were when we were younger! Nothing like now. I hope that we get over it 😊

which patch are you on? Dose?

If you are bleeding it sounds as if your low mood is connected to the progestin which kicks in for the last 2 weeks of each 4-week cycle (on your patch.)

I know this isn't 'relationships' but....have you thought about getting any help (counselling?) re your marriage break up? To leave a relationship without resolving it through having proper conversations is bound to leave you grieving and also perhaps vulnerable in new relationships. Might it be too soon to be in something else when it's only 18 months since you left your DH?

I've been for two lots of counselling and I think you are right it's early days to be in a relationship but it's difficult to undo that now. I feel tremendous guilt about leavi g my DH as he wasn't bad to me just wouldn't communicate. I think we had about three arguments in 18 yrs. He akedme what there was to talk about so I've no idea how he feels. The only time he talked was if I forced it out of him and I just couldn't live my life like that. If these patches mean low moods near my periods I'm better off without them as that's the reason I went on them. Estraderm Mx 50 is the patch as I have the mirena coil.
I cannot get my head around the fact that I'm the one to blame for all of this. My in laws have not hi g to do with me. I don't mind as much although they were involved in our lives v much. My children 19.17 and 15 see this. I just want to feel better about the choice I've made.
I have my own place, money job is good everything is great I just can't give myself a break but I'm hoping it will get easier.

If you have the Mirena it sounds more as if the issues are emotional OR you need to increase the estrogen. Might be worth swapping to estrogen gel so you can try out different doses...?

You say you can't do anything about your current circs and relationship...well...you could.

You sound quite fragile if one 'missing' text and your DP with his daughter upset you a lot. I'm sorry but you really don't sound as if you are nearly ready for a serious new relationship.You still have a lot of guilt around your marriage break up and it's bound to impact on your moods and behaviour.

You must have been married a long time.

Did you set out to find a serious relationship quickly? (not criticising, but keen to know.)

I cannot get my head around the fact that I'm the one to blame for all of this

I'm sure you aren't! Why do you think you are? Because you walked away from a man who couldn't communicate with you?

Maybe you ought to carry on with some more counselling.

No I didn't set out to find a serious relationship! I'm not normally bothered by a missing text just felt low. I went for my wild swim today and have decided to visit counselling and take a step back from this relationship and sort myself out.

I think that's a really great step @fuddle- well done you! There is now way you are 100% 'to blame' for your marriage break up. Just because someone doesn't like confrontation ( him) or talking about stuff which meant you walked away, doesn't mean you are to blame. It took a lot of courage to do that after being married so long with 3 children.All the best!

Wild swimming? That's fantastic. And don't be so rough on yourself. You didn't leave your marriage for no reason. Lots of us have been where you are and felt those feelings. It's not easy.

Thank you you are all so nice. I describe the menopause as having days where you fall down a rabbit hole but I'm taking all the steps to deal with it. Yes I have a reservoir just up the road and it's so beautiful