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Menopause

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Depression menopause symptoms or something else

6 replies

Daddylonglegs1965 · 10/06/2019 12:46

Background I am almost 54, have gained a lot of weight over the years, have an under active thyroid (I am monitored for another longer term health problem which is a worry in the background but it isn’t giving raise to concern at the moment). I haven’t had a period for a year so I am obviously menopausal, I am married, Work part time and I am mum 2 two teenage children. I was brilliant with them when I and they were younger but now I find it extremely unrewarding. I discussed HRT with my GP sometime ago but he was quite dismissive maybe because I am over weight and with my other health conditions. My night sweats and day time sweats haven’t been as frequent or troublesome of late. But I am moody, sometimes angry and frustrated and sometimes feel a bit paranoid and unconfident. I have gone off sex (all interest is gone or I have to have a lot of persuasion). I just don’t think I am as happy as I could/should be. I used to always be really positive with the kids and give them a lot of praise but now DH says I have a real downer on the kids but he works really long hours so doesn’t see as much of them. They are both mostly lazy, thoughtless and disrespectful (typical teenagers) I find it wearying tidying up, picking up after them, reminding them of things and nagging them into doing the odd small job like feeding the dog or doing a quick hoover or something. DD is absolutely filthy hiding used sanitary towels and dirty knickers everywhere. DH said his mum said he did nothing at home as a teenager and I didn’t do that much (as my mum didn’t work) so I should just leave them alone and not bother. I think this attitude is totally wrong and can see me either continuing to baby them, living in a shit hole for the rest of my days or running around after them in my 70’s. I feel very tired and worn out most of the time. Could my mood be depression menopause or neither and how do you know and any advice please?

OP posts:
PollyPelargonium52 · 11/06/2019 06:32

As an incentive I pay ds who is 14 a nomoinal amount per chore at the weekend e.g. doing the dishes £1.50, doing the floor £1.50, making me a ooffee £0.50 pence. He even actualy quite likes doing the dishes these days.

It helps towards his socialising money for bus fares or constant haicruts to earn extra pocket money.

I swear by Vogel Menopause Support for symptoms it helps so much. It took over two months to combat the fatigue but it definitely helps. My mood felt so much more stable after even five days .....

Memphisblue · 15/06/2019 17:32

Just to say I feel exactly the same! I fantasise about living alone.

Daddylonglegs1965 · 15/06/2019 20:09

Memphisblue - thanks I love my two to bits as I am sure you do too I wished I wasn’t so ratty with them both and I am sure they now both hate me.
Polly - I tried the pocket money thing with my two. They said they would do jobs but only made a half arsed attempt. If they just got their rooms semi tidy, cleaned their shit off the toilet basin, changed an empty toilet roll put their own cereal boxes away, milk back in the fridge it would be a start my nagging them certainly isn’t helping. If I fined them for not making the beds, leaving cereal out, leaving shit on the toilet, walking mud into the hall etc they would owe me a fortune. It’s so wearying. I thought they would get sick of me shouting and moaning at them but it seems to have absolutely no effect.

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 15/06/2019 22:17

Looks like there are 2 things going on here

1 your health
2 family

Your symptoms are classic menopausal. In all honesty your GP has given you crap treatment. No right to dismiss your symptoms or refuse HRT.

Obviously being overweight is a big health risk in itself and more so post menopause (it's the biggest risk for breast cancer far greater than HRT risks) but if you feel better emotionally, you might be able to do something about your weight and be able to cope emotionally with the family stuff.

My feeling is you need to see another GP, get yourself on HRT, (being overweight is not a risk itself but it is a risk of all other health issues), then tackle the family stuff as a separate issue.

You need your DH to back you up and work as a team with your teens.

JinglingHellsBells · 15/06/2019 22:20

There are some brilliant parenting coaches out there- ie the Parent Practice www.theparentpractice.com/
who can help you with all the teen stuff.

Your kids need to learn some basic respect because if they leave home and go to uni or flat-share, no one else will tolerate their selfish behaviour.

BlitzenandMikey · 16/06/2019 21:13

You have had some great advice and you are definitely not alone in how you feel. My two are 14.5 and 11 and I am am feeling drained and wrung out from the amount of running around I have to do! I ofen fantasise about living alone and have even said it a few times! I would ask your GP for HRT if you can (it may help) and then get your kids and family on board with helping to work as a team! I am trying to get my 11 year old to tidy up after himself, but in honesty, its hard going. To the point where I cannot wait for him to go on his residential in a week, just for a semi tidy house!

I think meno is exacerbated by situational stresses and un coperative kids seems to be one of them. My friend is going through the meno and although she does not have any kids, she does have an elderly mother who is showing signs of dementia.

Hope you feel better soon.

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