the rage

[woodcutbirds]

where has this come from? I think I'm just about menopausal (think my last period was about eight months ago). Perimenopause was all about coping with crashing fatigue, depression, weight gain and complete, total loss of elf-confidence and self esteem. But this year I can feel a shift. I feel so angry so often. I want to hiss and spit and smash things that don't work. All my friends irritate me, my students annoy me, DH and DS1 drive me nuts. I can't bear my parents. The only people I seem able to tolerate are my Dbrother and DS2. Even the cat winds me up.

I just saw some casual references on another post here to 'the rage' and wondered - is this a 'thing' in menopause? I really don;t see what the fuss is about with hot flashes. You just feel very hot for a few seconds and then you don't. It's the emotional punches I find hard to deal with.

Does anyone else have this? Or know how to handle it?

Self-confidence. Not elf-confidence. My elves are in the Christmas box in the loft.

Could be meno related. It's all the hormones racing round your body causing mayhem probably. I feel the same to a degree, but I'm suffering with real fatigue at the moment. Think the symptoms can go round on a merry go round at times. Have you considered HRT? CBT or yoga maybe? What is your diet like? Do you sleep well? So many factors to consider when experiencing rage and fluctuations in mood.

Re hot flushes :You probably would appreciate what the fuss is about, if you were waking hourly drupping in sweat and wondering how an earth you were going to get through the working day.

Meno sucks! 😡

Thanks for your reply.
I take your point about the hot flushes. Maybe mine aren't too bad yet. I feel boiling hot and sweaty but then it passes in seconds.

The rage is definitely much worse when I'm tired. I noticed Mariella Frstrup had written about it in the papers this weekend. never heard of it as a menopause issue and suddenly she was discussing it. I need to find out more.

You mention yoga - I used to go but stopped because I felt such rage at being the fat ungainly one among all the lissom lycra lovelies. I used to leave each week on the brink of tears. So not that...

Mmm. it's tough isn't it. My patience wears thin when I am tired too (which 99.9 % of the time these days!). Maybe keep a food diary to see whether you are worse after eating sugar or lots of carbs? Do you get enough sleep at night? Continual sleep deprivation is a killer and can turn us into killers! Do you get any time to unwind and de clutter your brain? Deep breathing and walking away from situations helps me. Maybe not yoga then, but something else? Walking or swimming?

I can empathise with you re: people annoying you. I don't tolerate many people these days (which worries me hugely!)

I noticed The Rage in my late 40s, quite a few years before anything else. But...looking back it's hard to tell if I was on a short fuse due to 2 teens around and one lot of school exams after the other for years and years, plus teens being teens!

I agree with @BlitzenandMikey about hot flushes. Mine were hourly, and would suddenly come on in a shop, in a queue, at work, talking 1:1 with clients, and it was very embarrassing as they thought I was embarrassed about something.

I was also taking 2 hrs to get to sleep instead of my usual 10 seconds.

So..HRT it was and all was sorted.

Jingling - this is what I can't work out. Is it situational - teens, exams, elderly parents and generally feeling really worn down by the Groundhog Day of 18 years of cooking, laundry, caring for others with no one caring for me, and impatience to start the next phase (DC off at uni and DH and I having some free time and a clean, tidy house)? Or is it hormonal.

Like Blitzen says, I don't tolerate many people any more. I've cut back on friends and don't miss them. I miss having someone but not the people I know. There's nothing wrong with them, they just annoy me suddenly. I feel like one of those toddlers who wants a cuddle then screams because you dare to pick them up.

I wouldn't rule out the rage being situational related.
Thinking about it, I think half my symptoms are exaberbated by home life. One teen who is moody and another, who is just about to start high school. I keep thinking, if only I had children when I was younger! I feel too old (48) to have only have a nearly 15 year old and 11 year old. Just being worn out with the daily grind could well be part of the issue?

Are you on HRT Wood? If not, maybe it is worth considering? I am going to give it a go and see what happens.

Blitzen I'm not. I got scared off HRT as two very close friends were on it - one got breast cancer and the other had a heart attack and both were told the HRT had exacerbated their problems. So I decided just to be menopausal!

I'm trying to work out whether my general long lasting moodiness is hormone related or situational. I am convinced that I am approaching menopause/well into perimenopause (I am 45) but was told that I would be headed for an early menopause when I was 39 by a fertility consultant, ha ha = two dcs later.

Blitz, if it's any consolation...I have a toddler, an infant with challenging behaviour and a nearly 13 year old!...I know I should have had children younger, it didn't happen that way plus two of them were fairly unexpected following diagnosis, especially the third at nearly 44. Young children plus menopause seems the worse possible combination to me.

wood, I am worried about hrt, I know a lady who was extremely fit, didn't drink, eat much meat etc. she then took hrt and a year or so later developed breast cancer, makes me feel uncomfortable about taking it.

@woodcutbirds
Blitzen I'm not. I got scared off HRT as two very close friends were on it - one got breast cancer and the other had a heart attack and both were told the HRT had exacerbated their problems

Sorry to hear about your friends but it's really bad they were given wrong information. My consultant told me that no dr could or would say that HRT caused cancer as they simply do not know.

HRT protects against heart disease.
No one can say that HRT caused breast cancer.
There are many factors that can cause it and no one can say which of those it was.

The decision to use HRT has to be taken as your own absolute risk having taken into account your medical history, lifestyle and any risk factors you have.

Your friends are not you. The biggest risk for BC is being overweight, drinking a glass or two a day, and being inactive and smoking.

Have a read around it all because although it's sad your friends went through that, it's unlikely it was HRT.

Medics now say that HRT does not cause cancer, it simply fuels a cancer that was there anyway.

The biggest risk for BC is being overweight, drinking a glass or two a day, and being inactive and smoking

That's what really pisses of me off Jingling. There I was, 38, 8.5 stone, never smoked, active and practically t total, with a 6 cm lump growing.

It is a shame about your friends Wood and I can understand your concerns. But I reckon Jingling could be right; the HRT may fuel rather than cause an existing cancer, the two being quite different. You need to look at the bigger picture I guess; risk v benefits. Life is a risk, but you want quality of life. HRT may just give you that back?

Daphenesmate, you have alot going on with your children; I empathise! Needy kids and meno are a recipe for disaster in my book; I'm living proof; topped with starting a new job and looking for another to top up income. Stress plays a part with symptom severity I think, but how to avoid when you have so many demands placed upon you? Off for a glass of wine now!

The biggest risk for BC is being overweight, drinking a glass or two a day, and being inactive and smoking

Is it? My DM got it - skinny as a rake, tremendously active, never smoked, drank but very modestly and only after she retired, never while we were growing up.

I fit that profile though (not a smoker). Better get fitter.

As I understand it, my friend was told HRT boosts the oestrogen levels and too much oestrogen is what can trigger the cells to grow. There are studies that suggest some versions of HRT (which may now have been withdrawn) were a breast cancer risk, and my friend took one of them.

I may be wrong about the heart attack. It may have been a blood clot near her heart. HRT can increase blood clot risks.

If you are struggling and want to consider HRT maybe have a look at the stats? Having 2 friends with their own experiences is anecdotal and not science.

The association between HRT and BC is very complex and there is no absolute evidence proving cause- effect.

I will leave a few links for you to read.

www.menopausematters.co.uk/pdf/Understanding%20Risk%20of%20Breast%20Cancer.pdf

Above- being overweight has a 6x risk of HRT.
Yes of course someone thin can get it. You can't take one single person and say it disproves research on millions of people.

Oestrogen in HRT does not cause BC. In the biggest research trials, women using estrogen only HRT have less BC than women in the general population who do not use HRT. See diagram above.

Also, the latest research seems to show it's the progestogen element of HRT that can fuel cancer, and there is a variation in risk depending on which sort is used.

In the last month two of my friends have been diagnosed with osteoporosis. One of them has been denied an operation as her bones are too fragile. A third friend is showing the symptoms and is now worried she may be heading that way.
If they had been on HRT they would have strong bones today. Yet another reason to fight the menopause.

This is really interesting. It's making me consider HRT - especially if it will cure the rage. But do you get periods back?

@woodcutbirds
This is a link I was searching for last night....

wwwmenopausematters.blogspot.com/2016/04/hrt-and-breast-cancer.html (written by a meno consultant.)

The part I was mentioning is here.

It has been suggested for some time that estrogen only is not associated with the same level of risk of breast cancer as combined HRT but there has been a lack of awareness of this difference, many young women who have had a hysterectomy stopping estrogen early or being advised to do so. NICE confirms that HRT with estrogen alone is associated with little or no change in the incidence of breast cancer. The absolute figure given is for 4 fewer cases of breast cancer in women taking estrogen only HRT per 1000 menopausal women over 7.5 years, based on baseline risk for that group being 22.48 per 1000
.
For women who take combined HRT, NICE confirms that this can be associated with an increase in the incidence of breast cancer. The absolute figure given is 5 more cases of breast cancer in women taking combined HRT per 1000 menopausal women over 7.5 years, baseline risk as noted. This increase in risk appears to be associated with the length of time that HRT is taken, the risk being higher when combined HRT is used for more than 4 years. However, the risk reduces and returns to each woman’s baseline risk after HRT is stopped. Another important point highlighted is that the mortality from breast cancer does not appear to be increased compared to women who develop breast cancer and are not taking HRT. The conclusion from these two points is that combined HRT may, in a small number of women, stimulate the growth of cancer cells which are already present, rather than cause breast cells to turn into cancer, and the natural history of disease for each woman is not altered.

*
I am not trying to persuade you to use HRT! Simply making sure you know the facts rather than myths and exaggerated media headlines, so you can make your own mind up.

You will have a monthly withdrawal bleed (not a proper period) if you use a sequential/ cyclical type. If you are 2 years post meno you can use continuous HRT which is bleed-free.

I got the rage at 50. Went on HRT. Felt like a different person.