Unsupportive DH

[LiverBirdie]

Maybe this should be in relationships but thought I'd start here.

I have another post on here which is about how I am not coping very well and my HRT has not done much. I am going to try and have this tweaked but may end up coming off it.

I have been feeling terrible for about 2 years. I've had dreadful insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, low mood, mind fog, night sweats and flooding. Some of this has lifted but the anxiety I get in the morning is crippling.

Anyway, I don't feel my DH has been supportive at all. I've told him many times that I feel terrible and that I need more support. Just little things like a hug and cuddle on the sofa, arm round me and a bit of reassurance. He says of course, but he hasn't done it. This has made me feel very sad and angry that the one time I feel I need help in my life and he hasn't stepped up.

On one hand I think I should kick myself up the backside and get on with it myself as no one can help me and the other thinks that he needs a shake and to give me a bit of help.

I am sorry you are feeling so awful, and a few cuddles and some sympathy is really not much to ask for.

Have you talked to him about it recently? Maybe as tomorrow is Valentine's day it might be a good time to sit down and calmly explain how you feel and what you want him to do to help and support you?

If he simply won't or can't, sorry to throw this in, but is he the person you want to continue to be in your life? Is he generally supportive and doesn't know how to help with 'wimmins stuff' or is he always a bit selfish and unsupportive?

I was in the same boat 3 years ago and that was the reason for my divorce.
My ex husband was completely unsupportive and uncaring. His main concern was my infertility and his behavior was cruel and selfish.
I am at a better place now and start to feel better with my life and myself in general.

I'm in for a nice Valentines Day . Gave DH his V card before he left for work. Apparently he hasn't got me one as "we never get cards" even though I've kept every one I've ever got from him upstairs in a box.

He thinks my reaction to this is funny (basically gaslighting me).

I sympathise. I have always ‘coped’ because I had to. Do everything, manage everything. On the very rare occasion recently where I have needed my husbands support, love, discussion: he does not appear to care. It seems like a one way street. I lose my sh* saying what a selfish bast** he is and he steps up momentarily and we carry on until the next time. I am starting to resent even hate him. We have only celebrated valentines in the first few years if our relationship

So sorry to hear that Liver and MixedBags

I wonder if you have thought about counselling (for you on your own) to talk about if you want to carry on with your marriage? Life's too short to put up with behaviour that is downright uncaring and unloving. Maybe make a list of all the pros and cons of your marriage and see what that shows. Is he kind and loving in other ways?

FWIW DH and I agreed some time ago not to 'do' valentine's day. I personally feel it's just another way for the card and choc makers to make money (in between Xmas and Easter!) and I believe couples should show they care etc every day of the year.

But the issue is whether both people in a partnership feel the same. If you are not on the same page, it's time for a serious talk over what next.