Afraid I’ll never be myself again health anxiety

[roseenglish1969]

Hi 👋

I apologise for the long story.

I’m 50 soon. I’ve been using Progesterone only for yrs. I used 500mg transdermally, bc I believed in Oestrogen dominance which I now know is rubbish. Never used oestrogen.

Long story short my bloods were taken in May
Oestrogen

I don’t know the cause but my vag hurts inside and out with stabbing pains and I hsve a sensation of sunburn to skin around my vulva occasionally and sexual urges. It’s possible thinning skin makes the nerves more exposed to irritation.*

Burning, stabbing pans, strange feelings....The cause is loss of estrogen. It needs replacing. You will need vaginal treatment (estrogen) as well as using Oestrogel.

So yes, this is vaginal atrophy. Who is treating you? A GP? Have you asked for treatment for VA? Are you using Ovestin or Vagifem ( and if not, why not ? :) )

I suspect ALL your issues are caused by low estrogen. If you have never used estrogen before, you need to give it time- 3 months is recommended. If you are on 2 pumps of gel, in 3-4 weeks if you feel no better, increase it by 1 pump and try that for a few weeks.

Are you trying other lifestyle things like some daily exercise outside - a brisk 30 mins walk- and maybe other calming stuff like yoga, mindfulness and meditation? There are also free CBT courses online all of which might just help .

Thank you so much for your reply. ❤️

Yes! I self diagnosed VA despite being told I looked “fine” by a gynaecologist.
Apparently VA is rarely visually diagnosed until it’s very progressed so I’ve read we have to go off symptoms.

I’ve been using Vagifem just past the 14 day loading dose the sexual sensations seemed to have been replaced with more pain... fine by me... hated the sexual sensations. 😔 caused me acute anxiety and depression... terrified to this day of them. Never had health anxiety before but I’m always a worst case scenario type person.
The pain moves around all the time too... my bottom stings a bit after a BM this all started at the same time 6 weeks ago.
I’ve ordered some estriol cream to use externally too.

I’ve been on oestrogel 12 days started to feel better but then hit a low last night again.
I knew I’d have to push through that it would probably get worse before better.. but it’s always nice to have others to verify it

I know it’s common for women to feel like they’ll never be the same again... that’s how I feel.

Thank you 🙏

when you say you 'ordered' Ovestin is this from your GP? You can't get it OTC as it's a hormone and if you are buying it online it costs a fortune!

Some women don't get on with Vagifem. I've always used Ovestin and find it great. Sometimes there is a slight stinging from something in the cream but it doesn't last.

You might find it helps to focus on something like exercise or whatever can help take your mind of all of this, which is hard I know. Focusing just on the symptoms can be psychologically damaging.

what else is going on in your life that you can take some pleasure from? Partner, work, family, hobbies, exercise...? what do you enjoy doing? Are you making healthy changes to your diet etc as well to give yourself the best chance of coping with all the hormonal ups and downs? HRT is great but it can't do it all!

I bought it from Superdrug bc the locum doctor refused to prescribe as I’d been given Hrt and he said it would be “doubling up”
I know this is BS but had no patience to argue with him so got it all online.
I’ll sort it all out with my doctor in time.

I work for myself at home and the depression just caused me to crash ..I have better days and I’ll push myself out of bed walk the dogs but it’s very hard. I think spending so much time alone and not having to be at work in a normal job is not helping as it’s too easy to hide under the quilt...
my confidence will return as symptoms ease up , it’s the type of symptoms that caused me to breakdown from health anxiety.
It’s not something many women will discuss openly even online so unlike hot flashes and insomnia I couldn’t find many others who could put my mind at ease, perhaps 4 or 5.

Even my own doctor shrugged when I asked if any other women had approached her with arousal type sensations...she said “nope”
Then the private gynaecologist laughed at me literally confusing it with high libido,,, it’s morphed into more pain than “the other” now but at the start it was twitching in the most intimate place... I was truly terrified 😞

You seem very knowledgeable on the subject. Are you a fellow sufferer of va?

As far as I know, you can't buy estriol cream over the counter anywhere . It's prescription only . An online search doesn't show it at Superdrug.

50-70% of women have vaginal dryness. It's really common and 25% use vaginal estrogen as well as systemic. I've used it for 12 years.

I think you would find you feel better if you force yourself to get up and not lie in bed, because that's a downward spiral.

What is your anxiety about?/ VA is not nice, but it usually always gets better with treatment so maybe try to worry less?

Yes, Superdrug does do estriol cream but you have to have an online consultation. You really shouldn't have to resort to that- go back and talk to your GP.

It's £60!! That's a rip off, you can get it on prescription for £8 ish and the RRP is around £9 if bought on a private script (Ovestin) which I have.

Why can't your GP offer this? If they are not helpful, can you change to one who is?

My own doctor was on holiday and I was too stressed to be arguing with the stand in doctor. They’re so afraid of HRT I find...especially oestrogen
and you know how long it takes to get an appointment, but yes I need to make an appointment bc the HRT I’m taking was given to me on a private prescription.
Oestrogel and Utroestan 3 months worth.
I have more money than patience at the moment.. no patience for sitting in busy walk in surgeries to be told
“Have sex more you might find you don’t need hormones “ and that was after her seeing my blood results minus 18 oestrogen.

Your correct I know I need to get back to my job and life but my anxiety and depression makes my rational mind think it won’t be as simple as VA or that it won’t get better or that it’s that horrible nerve disorder I made myself sick about.

I have no friends and I’m in a slump. I have an appt with an nhs gynaecologist on the 27th to discuss this pain which radiates to my sacral, spine, buttocks, legs.. like sciatica but with nerve sensations were my skin on back buttocks and legs is hyper sensitive I can’t stand clothes brushing against it.
Then stabbing in and outside vagina
Some burning to my skin on bottom and vulva
It all started at once
Vaginal sensations which is more like pain now always moving about and shivery shudders to my buttocks spine and legs
Sciatica on and off on both sides, pain down back of my thigh
I feel like I’m 80yrs old and depression with anxiety that I’ll always be this way or worse.
I was walking my dogs when I noticed the twitch to my V I’ve just gone downhill since then
Plus vagifem appears to be making the pain worse 😒

I’ve noticed thinning skin years ago as little air bubbles escaped as I moved about.
Plus my discharge used to be plenty and thick (sorry tmi) now it’s watery has been for years
I’ve been peeing 20a day and 3 times a night for as long as I can remember

Do you recall your symptoms and how low it took to get better?

I'm sorry you feel so low.
Is this the first time you have ever felt this bad?
You really need to give HRT time. I have read some of your other posts elsewhere where you described taking progesterone so you've had some kinds of issues for a long time. You have to be patient with HRT- 10 days' worth isn't going to work miracles with long term low estrogen. I'd suggest you use 3 pumps of gel- the max is 4 so it's quite safe- and see if that works a bit quicker.

Your aches and pains might get better if you move about more- even if it's an effort. Lying and sitting around makes everything stiffer, causes muscle wastage and all kinds of deterioration. Force yourself to get out twice a day for a quick walk?

My VA was nothing like you describe, though I'd had bladder issues for years and years which may have been down to low estrogen. I started with Ovestin around a year before full HRT. It took about 6 months before I felt less 'bladder aware'.

If you have money- which you say you have- there are lots of good private consultants around who might help you better than your GP if they are anti-HRT. I don't know where you live but Dr Louise Newson has opened a new clinic nr Stratford on Avon, and there are plenty of meno experts in London.

thebms.org.uk/find-a-menopause-specialist/

www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/

On the issue of when you used progesterone (only) and have quoted your levels.....we only produce progesterone as a result of ovulation. It's needed to change the womb lining to a different cell type to provide a suitable environment for implantation of a fertilised egg. We have no other need for progesterone and post meno or in between cycles (prior to ovulation ) we'd have next to none.

Post meno, progesterone is, as you will know, only added to check the growth of the endometrium when it's stimulated by estrogen (as HRT) to prevent cancerous changes.

It has no value other than that.

You can't add it transdermally because the skin's barrier prevents its absorption and it's also unstable as a molecule. If we were to use it on the skin, we'd need to use bucketfuls to get even a small amount absorbed so it's not practical.

I think you ought to forget about it (except as part of HRT) and not worry about your levels.

Ah, my dear, your anxiety positively pulsates off the page! I'm so sorry you are experiencing these symptoms of menopause.
I have not suffered VA, only read about it from fellow MNs. I do however understand the hostile takeover of anxiety. I was largely going to write what the first response noted.
You have to get hold of your anxiety in some manner. The hormones should certainly help given time but you need to stop googling symptoms (a tall order, I appreciate) and find ways to relax. Shadow box, take exercise 5x per week if physically possible, eat nutritious foods and take decent supplements if unable (I recommend Wild Nutrition if affordable), take up meditation/mindfulness, go swimming, have a bath filled with a few tbsp of coconut oil and light incense, go out for tea with friends, take up a hobby and so on. Anything and everything! You have to know on a rational level that this is your hormones, not YOU. Know that these symptoms are sadly and annoyingly normal. That way you can let some if not most of it wash over you until you've ridden it out. Win, and celebrate every small victory with a pat on the back.
I wish you all the very best and I hope your ills ease soon. Until then your GP/gynecologist is vital. 💕

Hi.
I used to buy progesterone cream called Natpro bc I read all about oestrogen dominance and believed it was a calming sedating good for sleep which it is. Then I learned you could get it from nhs under the name of cyclogest so asked my doctor to prescribe it. I thought oestrogen was a stimulating hormonal that caused insomnia anxiety and anger. At least that’s how it was described. I thought I had oestrogen dominance.
The cream and cyclogest certainly stopped the heavy bleeding flooding clots etc... and sleep is rarely an issue anymore.

I’ve been having peri symptoms since I was 40 almost a decade, had a 4 day break down with pms and insomnia for the first time in my life never even had pms till I was 40 so was confused what was happening..

But no never been this bad for this long,

Thank you for replying x

I doubt the cream did anything at all. There is no evidence it can be absorbed through skin. It's more likely your heavy bleeding stopped because your estrogen levels fell even lower. IF using progesterone on the skin worked, why are private menopause specialists not offering it because they can prescribe anything they like? Mine would, but they know it doesn't work. Who gave you Cyclogest? It is only prescribed not OTC.

My GP prescribed it.
I took a tube of natpro told her and asked
She said
“Sure, it’s onky a hormone”

Getting her to prescribe oestrogen is harder

Are you in the UK?

Your GP sounds unusual to say the least.

Given they are remiss with treatment per se, I'd not put much faith in what they offer!

'only a hormone'? Progesterone has risks just like estrogen. Read the leaflet that comes with Utrogestan!

Yes uk,
She’s the type who listens to my theories and prescribes what I ask as long as it’s not a controlled drug but she told me off when I saw her about this recent turn of events
She explained she was angry bc she prescribed as she respected my research and intelligence but I’m too head strong.
So I like her for at least listening to me. I am to blame for Progesterone not her.
Her father never took his eyes off the pc monitor when I saw him.
He’s retired now.
I paid a lot of money to see a menopause doctor in Chester and in all honesty as nice as they lady was I felt it was a lot of hot air. She avoided the subject of the symptoms I was there to see her about, I hoped she had some theories... but she would not venture into it and even half agreed with me that I had PGAD when she said she’d written to a sexual therapist about the condition and was waiting for his reply.
I told her I did not think I had it but I was deeply distressed by the symptoms and lack of explanation.
All she did was talk about my health history
She didn’t take blood tests were as I hoped for testosterone test and the HRT she prescribed I could have got from my own doctor (which she did suggest to be fair)
She suggested I STOP Vagifem no idea why but I didn’t.
Then sent me a lot of paperwork about what we talked about..with an invoice. For £360
I gained nothing from her really nothing I couldn’t get off google or my own GP.
She seemed to want to go down the route of holistic nutrition and healthy eating were as I was too far gone with anxiety over very confusing symptoms I couldn’t find solid answers to,
My own doctor shrugged, a private gyno laughed.

the nhs physio Therapist gave me FAR more possible causes progesterone dominance being one.

I know you don’t think it is absorbed but I can only tell you each 100mg I reduce it by causes me terrible depression each time. I once reduced it by 200mg assuming nothing would happen... took 3 weeks to be able to sleep again and anxiety and depression was acute but for no reason.. my life was good. It took me a few days to realise the common denominator, I’d reduced one Pessary a week earlier.

Despite peri menopause my life health and happiness has been more or less predictable for a decade. The common symptoms we all experience I accept them as part of the condition.

But these sensations to my vag terrified me having never experienced them before or found anyone else who had other than women with PGAD. My anxiety is better bc my symptoms have morphed into pain more than sexual so I’m clinging to the hope it’s lack of Oestrogen.