Mental health effects of the menopause. Can anyone relate?

[Wheresmyshittingmeat]

Hi, I'm still in perimenopause as still having regular periods but I'm really struggling mentally. I seem to be having an existential crisis and questioning everything! Only it's really upsetting and destructive. I'm comparing myself to others my age and feel like a failure financially and career wise. Just found out that my pension is not enough. I am beating myself up about the mistakes I've made and have had made some bad choices with two failed marriages. I'm finding it really hard to come to terms with what's happened in my life and spend a lot of time feeling raging angry and very upset. Low in mood and unmotivated. I also have a stressful job and a teenage dc who I'm very worried about at the moment due to exams and social anxiety. I have a dp who lives with me and I live in fear of him losing his job and us not having enough money to survive. I sound so neurotic but am struggling massively with lufe at the moment. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Absolutely yes! I had a existential crises a year ago when I diagnosed with early menopause at 41. I was almost suicidal, I was thinking to quit my highly demanding career and was depressed. I am single and childless.
Things will be better with time. Menopause is a pause obviously but not the end. I spent a year wondering about life, death, diseases and such things.
Menopause helps us to re-evaluate our relationships and make new choices. It helps me to change the way I live my life.

It is a major life change. In the past most of us would have been dead before the menopause so just still being around is a big positive.
As advances in medicine have allowed us to avoid menopause altogether that is the route I have chosen to take. I have taken oestrogen now for almost 30 years and intend to do so for the rest of my life. Maybe you could consider that?

Yes. Terrible anxiety. Mood swings. Existential crises abounding. Fat too! I got worse when I tried sequential HRT patches. The only things that are helping me through it are the Calm app and mindfulness meditations to help the anxiety. And learning to distract myself from my own head by reading good novels.

Absolutely yes. I learned to breath deeply and repeat to myself 'it's just the hormones, it's just the hormones'. For about a year I wondered who I really was if my thoughts and behaviour could be so influenced by hormonal fluctuations. Did I actually exist or was I just a collection of chemicals? I regularly felt suicidal which was then replaced by The Rage (I am very conflict avoiding but found myself screaming like a fishwife more times than I care to remember - thank heaven for a very patient DP as I think I would have left me!) It does pass. Self-care is essential (boring but true) exercise, healthy eating and cutting down on alcohol. Meditation / breathing exercises / yoga are also helpful. I agree with Emerald - it's a time to evaluate and decide what you want from the second half of your life. Dont beat youself up about the first half - what's done is done but you still have time. FWIW, I am now the happiest I've ever been. But that 12-14 months was awful and you have my every sympathy.

Thank you so much everyone but sorry to hear you've all struggled. There are days when I feel suicidal although know I wouldn't do it. Its like I'm waiting for the hammer to fall and it's only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down again. Keep crying a lot too! I am thinking of ways to improve my life and to make it more meaningful but I don't have any talents I can use. I am putting on weight but keep eating and no exercise which I know is crap but I feel so stuck. I'm not even helping myself. Its pathetic. I go to work and want to rage at everyone! Everyone pisses me off. I need to go to the GP but am very anxious about going there.

Does anyone have any specific tips on how to combat any of this? Thanks again for replying.

It sounds like depression to me Where.
Maybe you need psychotherapy to can handle all these psychological issues.
Hrt can also help with hormonal instability and mood changes.
Try not to take serious decisions for your life until you feel better again! Hope it helps! :)

Emerald I do also suffer from depression so I think my age is making things worse. I went out for a brisk walk today and do feel better for it.

Omg yes!! I have terrible anxiety now I'm well into peri! I used to be such a perfectionist and always knocking myself out to help others but I've really had to step back and relax that. I found it was putting too much pressure on myself and then I couldn't handle it. I now help others but with a simplified solution and if that's not enough then I have to accept I've tried my best. It's really hard to put yourself first but sometimes it's necessary

Mumma yes I know what you mean. My energy levels are shot. Just had a stressful time trying to cajole dc to do some revision which has failed miserably. I am on holiday and my mood always dives as I'm not in a routine and am free to think!

OP there's another thread running called HRT or ADs (might be the other way round!) which might be worth a read for you - I don't want to minimise how you're feeling but I feel that your symptoms could be perimeno rather than depression, and women are too often treated as having depression when in fact they are heading towards menopause. Hope you find something that works for you though.

Having a truly awful time with the perimenopause. Have a long history of depression but it was managed with medication which is not working anymore. Had a breakdown earlier this year think I will have to give my job up as it’s all too much. You are not alone I do hope you feel better.

Super I'm already on ADs and can't come off them as I go downhill.

Ava I'm sorry to hear that things are not good. Are you on HRT?

A v good friend of mine killed her self earlier this year. She was menopausal. I'm sure there was a contributing factor there.

I'm 45 and not much going on with meno yet, but I am a much more anxious person these days having never been especially like that. I think it's probably related.