Am I have a mid-life crisis/going mad?

[RubyD]

Hi all,

Posting here as when I don't feel I talk this through with anyone in "real life" without sounding like a whinging nut bag.

I am 43. I have 3 kids, a loving husband (it ain't perfect but we're doing ok) and a lovely new home. After several years of things going really badly on a number of levels we are finally doing well. I've changed my job to something I love. I eat really well, practice yoga/swim several times a week and don't drink. I usually have bags of energy and am the annoying glass half full person but recently I feel like I am losing my mind.

My eldest has just turned 18 and the youngest is 3 with special needs so will be with us long term and I'm feeling really restless, like is this it now with my life? I try to keep slots of free time for me regularly, but this is usually s snatched hour here or there and I don't have much time or space to pursue interests or further my new career. After 18 years of being a mum already I feel a bit stuck and can't see how this will change with my family commitments.

So on one hand I feel like I want to run away on my own and start again but on the other, I frequently have periods of complete exhaustion and lethargy when I don't want to do anything. Obvs I have to with the kids and still do but I notice I am avoiding seeing people, especially in big groups. I get overwhelmed with lots of people around and just want to be on my own. I honestly do not know what is wrong. I am going through my days as usual but inside I either feel highly emotional, angry or sad, or I feel nothing and just want to lie down and sleep.

My periods are still regular, nothing much changing there other than my moods. I definitely have more PMS and noticing it more mentally now than physically. Less cramps and more depths of depression.

I just want to ask, does this sound normal for peri-menopause or am I actually going mad?

Thank you.

It sounds as if you are stressed and having a mid life crisis rather than this being hormonal.

You've got a lot on your plate with the children and the big age gap, meaning you sound overwhelmed by years of being a carer.

Just to put it into context, I didn't have any of those peri symptoms being linked to meno (and you are a bit on the young side, as the average age for meno is 51 although it can be as early as 45..).

I think you might benefit from working with someone like a counsellor or a coach to try to get better work-life balance and decide how you can carve time out for yourself.

Thanks for replying @QueenoftheNights. I do feel it is linked to hormones as coincides a lot with periods too. Anyhow, will see how I feel going forward and may see GP if doesn't improve.

I would recommend doing a bit more reading about menopause as well as seeing GP - I just knew that the emotional rollercoaster I was on ‘wasn’t me’. I’m normally very level emotionally, but I would find myself on a nice relaxed Sunday, after a nice time with the family, with this enormous sense of ennui - a nothingness that made me want to do some violence to myself. Or a small argument would make me want to shout and hurl plates. Or I would be in floods of tears on days out. I eventually realised meno (I had a partial hysterectomy years earlier, so no periods but still had ovaries). HRT has massively helped. GP told me HRT wouldn’t solve everything and that I probably needed to work on stress or ‘accept’ a level of emotion - but she upped the HRT and I’m fine now (I do need to eat well and exercise well too).

I am not sure but I am guessing from what I have read on here that for peri GP might suggest hormonal contraceptive or anti-depressant, some GP approaches are not up to date, so maybe read up on the NICE guidelines and other guides and be ready to evaluate their advice. Make a list of any of the symptoms you have, eg joint pains, brain fog, mental/emotional, fatigue, disrupted sleep, and then watch like a hawk for hot flushes or night sweats as they are highly indicative.