Thanks to Mumsnet and the women who urged me to take HRT

[PhyllisDietrichson]

I've just come out of a period of depression. I went through years of: self doubt, self-blame, worry, anxiety, low mood, chronic insomnia and intense day sweats. I experienced funny smells after peeing, no libido, wanting to hide and huge weight gain. My girlfriends tell me they've experienced part, or all of the above and more. I've sat there with a poor friend whilst they've sobbed into their cuppa telling me, 'I don't know what's wrong, I feel as if my friends don't like me anymore, I feel alone and sad, I've gone off sex' etc etc, so many friends have had a really horrible time too.

My question is why did no-one suggest we were not going mad, but that it was all a result of the peri-menopause and the menopause?

I'd ended up on anti-depressants and sleeping pills, had a breakdown and quit my career. I had all sorts of counselling, I lost contact with friends and felt so rotten for so long. In fact I was a different person; and I lost myself for 6 years. No wonder they call it 'The Change'.

Then I finally got HRT. I went and asked for it after chats with other women on Mumsnet who've gone through this. Those little pills have changed my life: The sweats have gone, I'm far happier and sleep better. I'm not anxious or sad. That strange feeling of doom and persecution has gone as has the need to blame myself and others for being ''crap" all the time. I don't need to hide away or feel isolated. I've started going out more and to enjoy my friends again. I've joined a weight loss class and have started light running with a group so the weight's slowly coming off.

It seems strange that during those dark years when I was seeking help through mental-health route, no doctor ever asked me how the peri-menopause was, or tried me on HRT when I presented with these symptoms. Why not? Don't they know?

Why are women being fobbed off with the sticking plaster of anti-depressants? It's not dealing with the hormonal imbalance, it's masking it. I know it sounds incredible that these symptoms were all down to lack of hormones, but that really is my experience. All of those horrilble years could have been avoided, if I'd been seen earlier by a doctor who understands that not all weepy middle-aged women are actually mentally ill. I do appreciate that HRT is not for everyone for all sorts of health reasons, but it sure has helped me to feel my old again. I am so very grateful to the women who frequent these pages who urged me to get HRT, and I thank you

I agree with you Phillis! Forum help me to know more about meno and hrt. I don't know what the problem with docs and gyns is. They don't want to help, they are just careless or hrt is too dangerous, so they don't want to take any responsibility? I see a lot of women suffering due to meno symptoms and I say my experience to them. The majority of them have no idea about meno and they just try to go through it. I suggest the forum and I talk about my experience.

Can I ask what age your symptoms started? I've been going out of my mind with similar stuff for the last few years but I'm only 45.

I'm 42 and my symptoms started a year ago. I'm on hrt the past 6 months and I feel like my old self again. I was afraid to take hrt due to breast cancer risks but my life was awful and I was thinking to give up my career.

It's great you have found help with this all.

Sadly only 10% of women take HRT. Most are scared stiff by the over-hyped and out of date stats on risks. Or their GPs are because the text books at med school are based on the out of date research from 20 years ago.

For me, I was seeing a gynae privately for something else and stayed with them once the hot flushes began.

There is masses online about peri meno and meno as well as books, so it's partly up to women to look and find all of this.

Once you've got some knowledge you can at least ask your GP for what you want, or find another dr who can help.

How long did it take for The HRT to work OP and what are you taking?
I've been on it a couple of months - flushes stopped almost instantly and I have been sleeping so much better. I still have tiredness and anxiety though, not sure if these will improve over time or if they're a separate thing entirely.

I do agree with you that too many women suffer in silence. Too many women get told they're depressed or simply aging with no consideration to whether HRT would help.

I'm on cyclo progynova and it took about 3 weeks to feel like me again. My symptoms stopped almost immediately, I still have tiredness and anxiety too especially when I take the norgestel. But I think that's more psychological and not hormonal.

I've been to the dr's so many times over the last couple of years and got nowhere. I've just about given up. I spend most of the day in bed these days, I'm just so tired and sleep deprived. But I can't get them to take me seriously. Am going to try again on the back of this.

Can I ask another question? Do they test hormone levels or is it a case of just try them and see if things improve?

Emerald - those names must be outside the UK- don't recognise either. Patches. gel, pills?

Mimpi you try it and see.

Go to the GP. Go with a list of symptoms. Say you think they are all peri meno . Ask for HRT . If they refuse, ask why. If they still refuse, see another GP even if you have to change practices. You need to be assertive and ask for what you want.

Polly I'm from Creece and Oestrogel is not available anymore in my country. I'm on pills cause I don't like the idea of patches and I will try to find Oestrogel from Cyprus.

Thank you, I will.

Amen to that. I had the most horrendous 2 years and now on HRT patches feel like myself again.

Mimpi I went to my GP who refused because my mother had breast cancer and referred me to the HRT clinic. The consultant at the clinic couldn't see the need for a referL - i.e. The GP should have known enough to prescribe - and wrote me a prescription and I have a follow up next month. I'm quite happy to be having a knowledgeable consultant rather than a reluctant GP see me anyway.

My last gyn who finally understood and took care for me made his diagnosis because of my symptoms and the scan of my ovaries. I did a blood test of my own and I think my FSH was 37.

Another massive life changer for me with HRT.
I had a hysterectomy in my late 40's. Sweats etc. started about 6 months afterwards and it was hell on earth and after a few months of it I was a mess.
The extra twist in my hormonal plate of spaggheti is that I am bi polar so the whole outlook was shite.
I was in America when i started and i didn't have to ask twice. There was never a moments doubt about giving it to me. They asked why I wasn't already on it as Id had the hysterectomy in England. Just goes to show the difference in patient power I suppose.
My hair was thinning, I was worn out from sleeplessness, worn out from a permanent exhaustion.
ALL of my friends are having some symptoms but are peri menopausal and we all wonder aloud why the fuck they have to endure this shit. It does not make any sense that you have to beg for something so very simple that would make boundless changes to your life and lets face, the life of those who have to live with you.
So glad you have got the right treatment, how can we make it so that other women get the help they need when THEY need not when someone else decides they do.

It seems that women have to suffer with another way or another. I think It's more convenient socially. And when you say that you just don't want to suffer they said that it's unnatural and selfish! I agree so much with you Lola!

I made the connection myself between hormone deficiency and depression, sadness, anger at everyone, etc. when I did IVF.

I was prescribed oestrogen patches and I was a changed person: sunny outlook, always happy and cheerful... the IVF didn’t work the first 2 times but I was still OK.

It was only when the oestrogen left my system after a few weeks that I went back to the miserable cow, I mean person, I was before.

I am post-menopause now and am seriously considering HRT for mood, skin and better sex. Oh, and lower risk of cardiovascular disease and osteoporosis.

My symptoms started at around 45 Mimpi

I have had no physical symptoms of menopause but have the loss of libido, insomnia and, as the OP described, "strange feelings of doom and persecution". I'm finding it hard to decide if HRT is worth a try or if I just need to toughen up as my symptoms are annoying but not awful

I am curious as to why medics are so against HRT, we have several GP friends (of both sexes) who all seem to think the risks are greater than are currently thought

I spent the last 4 years in misery, but it was only when I started getting flushes literally every 20 minutes day and night that I went to the GP. My tests came back normal but I read her my list of symptoms and refused to leave until she gave me HRT. Very assertive for me!

The tablets didn't make me feel good so I saw another gp who prescribed patches (which cost the NHS 3x what the tablets do apparently), and life is great!

I feel more confident, relaxed and sane. Bloody GP trying to fob me off with the cheap shit!

I was out with 5 friends recently and 4 of them felt rotten but said they didn't want hrt as they didn't like the idea of it for various reasons. I don't understand them, why be unhappy?

I do think sometimes people who are low for no reason do not let it pass but analyse. When we are Happy we don't analyse that but when we are felling low it becomes a mager thing. Sometimes just let it pass. We are getting older & sometimes that is pants. We don't always need medication but time

*major

Yes Copenhagen true to certain extent. I let 2 years pass before trying to get the help needed, (which turned out to be the wrong kind) and a further 4 years trying to 'put a brave face on it' til now. Bubbling happiness is fleeting and not achievable all the time. I can happily live with mildly content no problem, I can do bored, indifferent or bland; but semi suicidal misery does need addressing for the whole family's sake.

Agree completely. You have been so brave to keep looking for a solution. I'm really pleased you have found it & you are feeling better. You deserve to feel better.

Bored, indifferent, bland. That made this bored, indifferent & bland person smile.