Hello, I'm 45.
2.5 years ago we went through a nasty financial crisis, and we came close to losing our home. The stress and anxiety were horrible, and everything looked bleak. I started suffering with insomnia. At the same time I noticed my periods were getting lighter and only lasting 3 days, but my PMS was getting worse.
I went to see my GP who started me on ADs, and after a few weeks I started to feel better. But each month my PMS symptoms were breaking through a bit. I then found the Menopause matters website and wondered if I was peri menopausal and actually needed HRT to control my PMS anxiety/low mood each month. I fitted the pattern of 'reproductive depression' with my history of PMS, and then severe PND, and now struggling with anxiety/depression in my mid 40s.
So I came off the AD and started trying various HRT regimes. Patches + Utrogestan, Femoston and even the BCP. But they never helped get rid of the anxiety/depression which would arrive every month, and often lasted 12-14 days. But these bad days never really followed a set monthly pattern (I know because I keep a diary).
And all the while in the background, we still had these dreadful money worries to contend with, with accompanying anxiety and stress.
But this New Year our financial situation improved 
. So I booked an appointment to see Dr Annie Evans. She was very sympathetic, said I was 'a classic case' for peri menopause anxiety & depression, and started me on 2 x sandrena sachets + separate Utrogestan.
I followed her regime for 2 months, but each week actually felt worse. My anxiety and depression became constant, with no more good/normal days at all. I was so bad I was signed off work, and was close to being housebound. Insomnia was awful too.
My GP who was so concerned that she put me in touch with our Crisis Team and they started me on Trazadone 5 weeks ago. But I still used the sandrena gel every day. I didn't get chance to use the Utrogestan as both months my own period started before it was time to use it.
But because I still seemed to be getting steadily worse, 2 weeks ago I went to see Prof Studd ( totally uninterested in listening to me, and didn't explain a single thing) and he prescribed me 3 pumps of oestrogel with separate Utrogestan, but not to start Utrogestan until June.
So I have been following his regime, but feel that I'm still getting worse day by day. And for the third month in a row my own period has arrived on time, despite taking no Utrogestan to cause it.
Can it be that actually I have never needed HRT? It never stopped my bouts of anxiety/low mood each month, last year. And now after nearly 3 months of top quality, strong doses of oestrogen from 2 leading specialists, I have just got worse and worse? Am I just overloaded with oestrogen, and that's why my anxiety and depression has got steadily much worse?
My oestrogen level when I saw Studd was 744 p/mol and I was mid cycle. So a decent level, and yet I was feeling dreadfully low and anxious.
I have never suffered with any physical peri menopause symptoms like hot flushes or vaginal dryness or headaches. My own periods have stayed regular and normal (just lighter) since just taking the stronger oestrogen gels, and with no erratic bleeding.
Can taking high does of oestrogen, when you don't actually need to, cause extreme anxiety like mine? I think my depression actually is caused by my anxiety. And maybe the reason my AD isn't really helping is because I'm pumping myself with high dose oestrogen every day?
I'm beginning to wonder if I should never had started down the HRT and all it's done is mess up my own hormones really badly and cause unnecessary misery. Perhaps I should have just stayed on ADs?
Any advice or insight would be really helpful, thank you.