It's total crap isn't it? Basically I feel like someone has handed me an anxiety disorder, out of the blue, for no reason. Before this I was Miss Independent and bold as brass. I just cannot believe what I have become over these last two years???
At least I am virtually symptom for up to 2 weeks every month though. If I was like this every day 24/7 I would have necked a bottle of paracetamol long before this. On the days when I have the anxiety and depression life really doesn't seem worth living, it's really that bad.
I'm like you in that I can only really bear being with my husband and children. Even being with my lovely Mum stresses me out and puts me on edge. But then when the anxiety and depression disappears I am really sociable and love seeing my friends.
I can't bear any responsibility either or having to sort anything out. It sends me into a panicky mess and I feel sick and hopeless. I do manage to hold down a part time job but only because I can do it with my eyes shut. I still dread going in though when my anxiety is bad and it's a real battle.
Do you and your friend still manage to get some good days every month? Even those with really severe symptoms usually get a good 7-10 days each month.
I am 45 now but all this crap started a couple of years ago. For HRT I tried Estradot patches in 25mg and then upped to 50mg patch, with separate Utrogestan for 12 days a month.
My symptoms were a bit better on HRT but I was still quite up and down with my symptoms returning cyclically every month. Typically I was crippled with anxiety and very low mood for several days mid cycle, then for several days before my period. Sometimes my symptoms wouldn't appear until the first day of my period and last for a week or so. But it still only made me symptom free for about two thirds of the month, and the bad days were just as bad as pre HRT.
I had read that the BCP was better at controlling hormonal anxiety and low mood because it is several times stronger than HRT. Firstly I tried Microgynon, and took the packets back to back as advised by my GP. It seemed to suit me better than HRT, and my mood felt more stable. But it gave me daily brown spotting and although running packs back to back I still had light 'periods' and the anxiety and depression would return with a vengence.
So my GP switched me to Marvelon which is meant to not give you the daily spotting as it's more oestrogen dominant. For the first 3 weeks on it I was Heaven. Back to my old self at last, confident and outgoing again. I genuinely thought I was 'cured'. I was so happy.
But then I had a brief 4 day break at the end of the first pack (we went away and I forgot to pack the 2nd pack) and the anxiety and depression came back with a vengence again. I started the 2nd pack assuming they'd disappear after a few days. But 2 weeks later I was still anxious and depressed and it felt like it was getting worse, not better. In the end I broke down in tears to DH because I felt so low and desperate. It scared me how dreadful I was feeling. I knew there was a good possibility that I was having a reaction to a build up of the synthetic progesterone in Marvelon having taken it continuously for over 5 weeks with just a 4 day break. So I stopped taking it.
My mood started to lift within 24 hours but then really crashed again just a day later. In desperation I saw my GP and he suggested I try Mirtrazapine which is an AD that's good for anxiety. Funnily enough as I left the GP my mood started to lift again and I realised my period had started. Not sure if that had been the cause of the awful couple of dips?
Sadly Mirtrazapine didn't agree with me. I was fine at first, but then started to feel jittery and wired on about day 5. My sleep was iffy too. Then on day 9 I had quite a nasty panic attack. The only other time I have ever experienced a panic attack was when I tried Sertraline a couple of years ago, and I had to stop it too after a month because it sent my anxiety through the roof and I wasn't sleeping. I don't think this was a coincidence that it happened again on Mirtrazapine? So I don't think ADs are right for me.
So I am just waiting to see my consultant in a week. I am tempted by either a 100mg patch with separate Utrogestan, of whether to try Qlaira because I do feel I improved a lot on the BCP but just couldn't tolerate the synthetic progesterone.
Sorry, that turned into an essay!