Menopausal as age 38, depressed and mourning my fertility

[erilou38]

Hi all. I'm 38 and in perimenopause. Quite a few symptoms including, irregular periods, irregular bleeding, vaginal dryness, dry hair a nd skin, mood swings, palpitations, panic attacks. I believe this began when i was about 35. Iv'e been trying for a baby for over a year with no success, despite being very fertile in the past. I had a n FSH blood test last year and the result came back at 20, which the doctor said was borderline menopausal. 5 weeks ago my doctor started me on Climagest 1mg HRT. Within days the vaginal dryness improved but my mood swings were just as bad. I only took the first 28 day pack, (so didn't really give it a chance to work properly), but a week and a half ago i woke up one night having a massive panic attack and palpitations. It scared me so much i called 999, thought i was having a heart attack. the ambulance came and i was ok, no heart attack. Iv'e now stopped the HRT, thinking it may have been that which caused the panic attack but now my dryness problem is coming back. Iv'e a doctor appointment next week to discuss things. I have a prescription for Prozac antidepressant to sort the mood swings and anxiety but i haven't started it yet. think i'm kind of in denial, not really want to take any medication as i keep hoping i will get pregnant. I know that can't happen though, it would be a miracle. I'm just so sad and can't seem to accept this change. I know i probably sound like a bit of a drama queen but i just feel so bad. I know that i'm very fortunate to have been able to have children and i know that i haven't got some terrible illness like some poor women. i know that the menopause happens to all women at some point. I just never thought it would happen in my 30s, too young i thought. I'm shocked a si was always so fertile. I feel angry and bitter and very sad. I don't feel like a proper woman anymore, i feel iv'e lost my femininity along with my fertility. I just want it back!! My husband is good but doesn't really understand. I'm such a bitch to him with my mood swings! He is just 26, we married last year and he has no children of his own. That's why we wanted a child. He says he loves me and it doesn't bother him but i fear that one day he will really want to be a dad and then leave me for a younger, fertile woman. I'm tormented by these thoughts everyday. sorry for the long rant! I just am finding it so hard to accept this. Anybody else feel like this ? How do you come to terms with it and learn to deal with it ?

Sorry to hear you are going through this.
Have you heard of the Daisy Network- website etc for women with prem ovarian failure.

The symptoms you are having- anxiety etc etc- are down to oestogen deficiency. There is a real trend amongst some drs to give anti-Ds instead of HRT and it's becoming a bit of a scandal. You might like to read the website of Prof John Studd for his take on this.

You need HRT to replace what you should normally have, up to the age of 50-52. It's not an option- without it you will be at high risk of osteoporosis by the time you are 50+ and maybe have a higher risk of heart disease.

HRT will not stop you becoming pregnant.

Can your dr refer you to a fertility expert because you need expert help. If you can afford a private consultant I can let you have the name of someone very caring and very good.

Hiya. Yes iv'e heard of the Daisy Network, i may get in touch with them. Iv'e had blood tests and it seems that my oestrogen levels are normal, well high if anything. Iv'e read about something called oestrogen dominance which usually occurs in the early stages of menopause. The normal which i seem to be lacking in is progesterone as i am not ovulating. I wonder if the HRT was providing me with too much oestrogen which my body didn't need and thta't the reason i had that big panic attack and scary palpitations. I have a few ovarian cysts which are most likely being caused by my lack of ovulation. I wonder if the progesterone mini-pill would benefit me at this stage. I'm under an NHS infertility clinic at the moment. the waiting times for appointments are months though, time is fast slipping away, i will be 39 next March. I haven't got another appointment until the end of November when they are going to scan me again to check on the cysts and providing my FSH is under 15 i can be given Clomid to try to kick-start ovulation. I really don't hold out much hope though as my cycles are irregular and i understand Clomid is started around day 5 of a cycle. Obviously if i am in early menopause then Clomid isn't likely to work anyway. The told told me that Clomid will be the only treatment i will be entitled to. No IVF as i already have children, even though my husband doesn't. I would love to be able to afford to go private but i really doubt that will be an option but you can give me your consultant's details if you like. Thank you for that. I guess a donor egg would be the only option but that would cost thousands. Not sure i could do that anyway as the child wouldn't be biologically mine. Just want to hold my own baby in my arms. This early menopause stuff just sucks!! Have you or are you going through menopause ?

have sent you a PM

Oh you poor thing. I've got my fingers crossed for you that you're able to try the Clomid. If you're not able to try it, or it doesn't work when you do try it, then I do think it's worth considering the donor egg thing. I too am married to a man who is 12 years my junior and totally understand where you're coming from. I am menopausal while he is in the prime of his life!! I'm on hrt, but he doesn't know that. And I felt like you when I first started taking it - as though here I was, an old lady before my time. But I've got over that, and now I'm happy to take it because it has taken away the terrible anxiety, the depression, the insomnia etc etc. Not the palpitations, entirely, I have to say, but I suppose I can't have it all!

I also have a friend who is married to a man 15 years younger than her, and she went to Northern Cyprus aged 43 for donor egg treatment, and they now have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, twins.

Donor egg treatment is cheaper in countries such as Northern Cyprus, Spain, and parts of Eastern Europe, and very successful. I know the child/children wouldn't necessarily be carrying your genes, but they'd be carrying your blood, if you want to think about it that way? Google it anyway, and read some of the forums to see what other people are doing and what they think of the various clinics in the various countries....

There is more than one way of building a family, and having a child is totally within you and your husband's reach, in one way or another.