Libido now at zero - DH not sympathetic

[ftm42]

I am now on anti-depressants to control terrible mood swings and my periods are now 2 weeks on / 2 weeks off.

Trouble is having always had less libido than DH anyway, I now have zero when I'm on; little when I'm off! He is going through a stressful time at work and is feeling frustrated and to be frank, rejected. I can't take HRT [ever] as I have had hormone-related breast cancer, so have to muddle through. How do I get us through this?

As well as that, he can be very unfeeling - when he last brought the subject up, I'd done my back a mischief, was having tummy cramps, bleeding heavily and very tired so he decided to suggest sex toys and spicing things up a bit!! Nice timing!

Well, he shouldn't feel rejected as it is the anti depressants and hormones that are rejecting sex - not you rejecting him if you see what I mean. Perhaps explain that you still feel the same way about him... just not about sex? and that hopefully that is temporary?

Suggesting sex toys does seem unthinking - seems like he'd noticed you were off sex, but not realised why and therefore jumped to the conclusion you must be bored .

I think you're just going to have to ask him to be sympathetic, patient and gentle - explain how you are feeling and appeal to his protective nature? if he is still after sex after that ... well...

I do sympathize.

Actually I'm amazed that DH wants sex while you are bleeding so much. I do think I know why he wants to though. You said he is having a stressful time at work, I think that he sees sex as a form of comfort, an affirmation that he is still loved and valued, as much as a release from tension.

At the moment you can't manage this. But penetrative sex isn't the be all and end all; would he manage with cuddles and kisses, stroking and manual stimulation by you or him? Would this help to make you both feel more loved?

I know how you feel, my h's (now ex) father was dying of cancer and he (h) still wanted sex. I was astonished, under those circumstances it would have been the furthest thing from my mind. I guess he felt in need of comfort.

Oh, and explain the side effects of your medication. If he doesn't believe you and thinks it's an excuse to get out of sex, get him to read the info leaflet in the packet. It should outline likely side effects.