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When meeting up take sensible precautions. Meet in a public place and let others know where you are going.

Original poster

breaking into mum circles

15 replies

jenm · 21/11/2004 11:44

I have found in my area of Sevenoaks that the mum groups that I have gone to are a bit too closeknit. The mums I have met are all "coupled" up from antenatal classmates or friends and don't really want to befriend a newcomer. I have had nice chats at the meetings but when it comes to meeting up for coffee or going for walks/play I have been told more than once that they already are doing that with someone else but thanks anyway. It is a bit frustrating to break into the circles here. Anyone else find this where they are?

OP posts:
mamated · 21/11/2004 11:55

so sorry to hear of the trouble you are having - they sound a bit rude to me, TBH. Don't give up, I moved to a new town just before having my 1st son and didn't know anyone but I found a couple of toddler groups, and while everyone was really friendly, you do have to keep trying. Don't know what other advice to give, just hang in there! Though, after a couple of months, I got to know people and now my older son is 2.5, and we go to someone's house to play or to the park every day, so it will get better, I'm sure.

suzywong · 21/11/2004 12:16

yes mamated is right it does get better but it can easily seem like a dead end.

I just moved to a different country and the first 6 weeks I felt quite left out, but they have playgroups here which are mum-run, with committees and fundraising and things and I have gone out of my way to be a creep and volunteer for things and it has paid off.

If that is not possible, and quite frankly , it does sound very stuffy to say 'I'm already doing that with someone else' just tag along and stalk them, then they'll have to be more welcoming.

Keep trying, you'll be swapping labour and contraception stories before too long

suzywong · 21/11/2004 12:16

yes mamated is right it does get better but it can easily seem like a dead end.

I just moved to a different country and the first 6 weeks I felt quite left out, but they have playgroups here which are mum-run, with committees and fundraising and things and I have gone out of my way to be a creep and volunteer for things and it has paid off.

If that is not possible, and quite frankly , it does sound very stuffy to say 'I'm already doing that with someone else' just tag along and stalk them, then they'll have to be more welcoming.

Keep trying, you'll be swapping labour and contraception stories before too long

suzywong · 21/11/2004 12:17

don't know what happened there

romany4 · 21/11/2004 12:28

My younger sister lives in Sevenoaks and she finds it very cliquey.
Every year they try to out do each other by having fancy birthday parties for their kids.
She says that if you have a party at home everyone looks down theur noses as if you are poor!

mamated · 21/11/2004 13:48

Am utterly appalled - kids birthday parties?? Them people are not right in the head, I feel like mother superior if my kids leave the house with clean face and clothes - who's got the time to plan fabbo parties for kids?? bit of jelly, couple of jam sarnies and you're away, for crying out loud!!

suzywong · 21/11/2004 13:52

You've got that right
Where I used to live in London, there was one faction of mums who hired kids entertainers at .....£200 a pop FFS

mamated · 21/11/2004 13:58

FKN HLL!!!!! Pardon my french......have fallen off my ermine lined throne!!

Donbean · 21/11/2004 16:59

Nightmare, ive been going to a play group up the road from me for about 3 weeks and no-one has spoken to me at all. I have registered a long and whinging complaint to mumsnetters about this some weeks ago! Any way last week i got speaking to a lady who had just started that week and we got on well. Now i know that there is one friendly face i dont feel as stressed about going back there. I need to as its good for DS. I am absolutely positive that if i continue to go they will start to speak to me, especially if i get the right opportunity to break the ice. Fortunately i am not a shy person and will talk to any one but my confidence has definitely been knocked with this. Good luck and keep at it, im sure that soon you will have a whole room full of new friends.

Sozie · 21/11/2004 17:46

I remember going to one and no-one spoke to me and I felt awful. I did try smiling and saying the odd word but they were all in their cliques. In fact I still cringe thinking about it. I was put off totally and really haven't bothered since. I now have been told a new one is opening near me and will give it a go for ds's sake but as I know a lot of mums now from the school I guess I will see faces I know. I would suggest you just keep going and in time a new person will join or an oldie leave and you will get in to the clique. I thought we left this all behind when we left school but fgs it can be awful and I am not a shy type. Let us know how it progresses and watch out for my post saying I've been ignored at the new group .

coppertop · 21/11/2004 18:15

Our local group is a bit of a nightmare. There's one little coven sitting in the corner who b*tch loudly about mothers who bottlefeed/use dummies/let children watch TV. I used to find it awful but the entertainment value of listening to their preaching far outweighs having no one to talk to.

Sozie · 21/11/2004 18:18

Oh don't know if I want to go now getting that feeling back from last time.

Tickle · 21/11/2004 18:25

as donbean points out - there will be another newbie along soon i'm sure - then you can bask in the double glories of being experienced at this playgroup thing, and friendlier than all the rest

albosmum · 21/11/2004 20:43

I find exactly the same thing - I keep trying but just get nowhere. I did not do ante natal etc so it is harder. I ahev been advised ona another thread to get their early and start chatting - so I am going to try this next week

Original poster
jenm · 21/11/2004 22:18

Thanks for that everyone. I don't feel like it is only me now which helps.

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